How Can You Meet Someone When You Don't Like Being Around People?

[Go Hungry]

I worry I might end up being alone too. I'm the lonely type, and have taken to staying in my place all the time. I'm pretty boring to be honest. Plus poor. Women my age aren't into that. And when you through this on top of the bipolar, I'm not too sure anyone could really want that in a person. I hope that I'm wrong. If I get out more, or get a handle on this all.. Maybe things can turn around..

 

[Rizen]

I'm good at being around people but I really don't like it. I trained myself how to act. I'm good at public speaking too.
It's like the lyrics from the James Taylor song 'Carolina in my Mind':

"With a holy host of others standin' around me
Still I'm on the dark side of the moon
And it seems like it goes on like this forever
You must forgive me, if I'm up and gone to
Carolina in my mind"

 

[silkleaves]

On one hand I want to be alone, on the other hand I'm afraid of being alone. I can't even make up my mind! I think though, for the most part I want to be alone because I'm afraid once someone gets to know me, they will realize they can do better, and I think in a way, I end up sabotaging relationships because of this fear.

Also, both my therapist a year ago, and my ex-bf just last week, told me that I've only had 3 relationships and don't even have enough to go off of to say something like that, its not the reality its my perception...my ex was like, its a numbers game, that I have to leave the house and meet more people. But that comes back around to the thing that, I find small talk annoying and whenever I go out, even among friends I really do like spending time with, I cant wait to go back home again.

 

[Hashi]

You asked me to throw out an ideal "magic wand" scenario:

and then you say I'm not being realistic and I need to change my expectations. I'm getting irritated with this.

I think you've misunderstood me. The "magic wand" scenario was:

if someone could wave a magic wand and get you connected to some people,

I said this because you said:

I've tried the meetup website but even though only a handful of people signed up, more than double that amount of people showed up so everyone ended up crammed into a tiny table in a loud restaurant. That was not a good situation and I ended up extremely depressed.
I sometimes go to video gaming events but rarely can because my sleep.
I tried a single's hike group but most people were much older than me.
I have joined other groups too but everyone ended up being more than twice my age. I stayed in one for a long time but it eventually broke up.

So apparently it will take a magic wand to get you connected to people.

I didn't talk about magic wands when I discussed your ideas of connection. I didn't mention magic, fantasy, or lack of reality. I talked about your ideal. By that I meant, the best scenario. And your best scenario didn't include the other person's point of view, or how you could be a friend to them.

So, you can disagree with what I meant by "ideal" (or you could check that, if you felt like it). You can also not to take into account what it means to be a friend, when you want other people to be friends to you. Up to you.

And I can get irritated just like you can.

I can also wish you well, and I wish you luck.

 

[Rizen]

@Hashi not everyone is an extravert. Stop trolling and criticizing introverts who don't think like you.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@Rizen Please be respectful. From what I can see @Hashi was offering suggestions, there may have been a misunderstanding and now you are upset.

Instead of saying that Hashi is 'trolling' and 'criticizing', why not say 'Thank you for your help but maybe we aren't see eye to eye'?

 

[Rizen]

@Rizen Please be respectful. From what I can see @Hashi was offering suggestions, there may have been a misunderstanding and now you are upset.

Instead of saying that Hashi is 'trolling' and 'criticizing', why not say 'Thank you for your help but maybe we aren't see eye to eye'?

Why are you getting on my case? Let me show you why I'm upset. When someone says:

So apparently it will take a magic wand to get you connected to people.

That's not a helpful suggestion; that's trolling. First Hashi presents a hypothetical scenario:

Suppose you were able to meet some people and you liked each other. Could you say what that would look like? How often would you like to meet or be in contact, what sort of things would you talk about, what sort of things would you do together? I know this is only in imagination, but if someone could wave a magic wand and get you connected to some people, what would be the ideal scenario for your relationship with them?

You'll notice the exact words: "but if someone could wave a magic wand and get you connected to some people, what would be the ideal scenario for your relationship with them?"
Then Hashi is being critical that I'm not being realistic.

The reason I asked was because I'm wondering how realistic you're being in your expectations/hopes, and how willing you might be to move your life around enough to fit friends into it.

I think you're putting an awful lot of restrictions on this.

Please explain to me how it is not trolling to ask a magic wand scenario then criticize the answer for being not realistic.

I have been respectful this entire thread but Hashi kept trolling so I called them on it. Most people have given good suggestions and if you look over all the posts I acknowledged them. I created this thread so Hashi is the person who keeps returning. Please review the entire thread and you will see my point.

 

[Nicolette]

This thread is temporarily closed until posts have been reviewed.

 

[anthony]

@Rizen I am warning you now, please stop or I will remove your access to this site. Nobody is trolling, nobody is attacking you... waving a magic wand is a saying, and not an offensive one at that.

[notice]Staff stepped in above and you chose to argue, so hereby consider yourself on notice for your account to be terminated if you do not cease arguing with staff, and instead follow their guidance in relation to administrative matters.[/notice]
All staff have my authority, and act upon it, to keep this community running as harmoniously as possible.

 

[Rizen]

Now that this is worked out can we please lock the thread?