Frenzy3674
Bronze Member
I have been seeing my therapist for well over a year. We have become close, like friends almost. We text and talk outside the context of therapy. It has improved therapy because I feel I can trust her better. Is this normal?
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How Close Is Too Close For Therapists And Clients?
- Post starter Frenzy3674
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Briellewannabe
Bronze Member
I think "normal" is hard to say because honestly, normal doesn't really exist, there's averages though... I do think that your relationship is a little unusual, so not average. I'm curious why you're asking? You said it's made it easier to trust her, but is there something about it that bothers you?
asadafagahajakal
Not Active
its just like being friends with your boss. obviously given the fact the person is in a position of authority or trust over you, i recommend boundaries.
This is just me personally speaking from experience, since i had a boss that was my friend and she basically ended up influencing our family way too much, i would avoid involving them dierectly with family like you might do with with other friends, or get them too involved with your other friends. Its best just to keep it between you two.
Otherwise i think its great because like you said it helps you trust her much more, and you need that if you want your t to help you the best she can. Do you feel uncomfortable at all with how you have interacted with your t? Thats is the most important thing to consider.
This is just me personally speaking from experience, since i had a boss that was my friend and she basically ended up influencing our family way too much, i would avoid involving them dierectly with family like you might do with with other friends, or get them too involved with your other friends. Its best just to keep it between you two.
Otherwise i think its great because like you said it helps you trust her much more, and you need that if you want your t to help you the best she can. Do you feel uncomfortable at all with how you have interacted with your t? Thats is the most important thing to consider.
ms spock
VIP Member
Perhaps read the professional bodies that your therapist belongs to and see whether this is sanctioned behaviour?
In my experience it does not end well when you are "friends" with your therapist. I would say that this not appropriate professional behaviour and conduct of a highly trained and skilled practitioner. The rules are in place for the client's protection. You are not being properly protected in my eyes. I have been where you are and it does not end well for people like us.
In my experience it does not end well when you are "friends" with your therapist. I would say that this not appropriate professional behaviour and conduct of a highly trained and skilled practitioner. The rules are in place for the client's protection. You are not being properly protected in my eyes. I have been where you are and it does not end well for people like us.
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- #5
Frenzy3674
Bronze Member
A comment she made regarding our texting. She said that it caused the lines to blur. I question everything.
Not at all. It has boundaries. It's just very different than past experience.
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digger
Sponsor
So is she saying that she thinks the amount of contact you are having with her might be a problem? Is she requesting that you cut back on that?
It does cause the lines to blur - which may or may not be ok.
How would you feel if she wasn't available to you between sessions and didn't reply to your texts? When you say you talk like friends what does that mean in terms of what she shares of herself? Do you see each other outside of sessions? What's your expectation of her when therapy ends? Answering those questions will help you think about whether the blurred boundary might be harming in some way.
How would you feel if she wasn't available to you between sessions and didn't reply to your texts? When you say you talk like friends what does that mean in terms of what she shares of herself? Do you see each other outside of sessions? What's your expectation of her when therapy ends? Answering those questions will help you think about whether the blurred boundary might be harming in some way.
Modern therapy doesn't look kindly on "dual relationships". This comes from the time of Freudian analysis, however Freud had numerous dual relationships with his clients, but never mentioned them in his writings because he didn't think they were important.
THe problem with this is that many people become therapist because of their own neediness.... the therapeutic relationship is more intense and "contactful" than most friendships, exploring deeper and more difficult subjects, a process that is dependant on the "container" of the boundaried therapeutic space. It's easy for a needy therapist to lose their grip on their own process and become em-meshed with a client.
One of the questions the therapist needs to ask is whether they would do this for every client, if the answer is no, it's a red flag for something associated with the therapists personal issues and not directly linked to therapeutic outcome.
The reason various accrediting/licensing bodies are interested in this stuff is that it is almost impossible for a client to maintain appropriate boundaries when in therapy. The main reason for being in therapy is impairment in boundary functioning..... the therapeutic process is often one of learning to become aware of the environment and then maintain appropriate boundaries in that environment. If a therapist can't do this, then it's very difficult for them to model it to their client.
Regardless of whether you feel it is beneficial to your therapy, if this hasn't been discussed as part of the therapeutic process then I suspect your post is you questioning your therapists competence because your subconscious is already thinking something is amiss and wants to check it out, but can't do it in therapy because it involves the therapist.... therefore it has already negatively impacted therapy.
THe problem with this is that many people become therapist because of their own neediness.... the therapeutic relationship is more intense and "contactful" than most friendships, exploring deeper and more difficult subjects, a process that is dependant on the "container" of the boundaried therapeutic space. It's easy for a needy therapist to lose their grip on their own process and become em-meshed with a client.
One of the questions the therapist needs to ask is whether they would do this for every client, if the answer is no, it's a red flag for something associated with the therapists personal issues and not directly linked to therapeutic outcome.
The reason various accrediting/licensing bodies are interested in this stuff is that it is almost impossible for a client to maintain appropriate boundaries when in therapy. The main reason for being in therapy is impairment in boundary functioning..... the therapeutic process is often one of learning to become aware of the environment and then maintain appropriate boundaries in that environment. If a therapist can't do this, then it's very difficult for them to model it to their client.
Regardless of whether you feel it is beneficial to your therapy, if this hasn't been discussed as part of the therapeutic process then I suspect your post is you questioning your therapists competence because your subconscious is already thinking something is amiss and wants to check it out, but can't do it in therapy because it involves the therapist.... therefore it has already negatively impacted therapy.
I have been in this situation. It breaks my heart every day now. The therapist and I had to end therapy as the lines were far to blurred. I would hold back on telling her things as I worried about her getting upset and likewise she worried about me between sessions. I still long for her as a therapist but know I won't go back and also long for the 'friendship'. we occasionally exchange a little text but the friendship can never be real. As i said it breaks my heart that some one I have a connection with (and she feels the same btw) can no longer be a part of my life.
Professionally it would be wrong of her to have me as a client as her judgement would certainly be clouded. I do not believe that a therapist can be a friend and a good therapist would not want or give you any indication that this is an option. As hard as it is to face this therapist should not be your therapist and trust me can never be your friend. We had a good chat about boundaries and both felt they could not be put back in place due to the connection, it was tough but the right decision to move therapist.
Professionally it would be wrong of her to have me as a client as her judgement would certainly be clouded. I do not believe that a therapist can be a friend and a good therapist would not want or give you any indication that this is an option. As hard as it is to face this therapist should not be your therapist and trust me can never be your friend. We had a good chat about boundaries and both felt they could not be put back in place due to the connection, it was tough but the right decision to move therapist.
- Post starter
- #10
Frenzy3674
Bronze Member
No. I cracked a joke that we should text in session because it's easier. She said we aren't supposed to really text at all unless it's to schedule.
Maybe I'm just making it a bigger deal than it is. When we text. It's checking because she knows I had a rough session. At times it becomes a tangent. We text about books or articles we've read sometimes not pertaining to therapy. It's not like some deep thing. Just a connection.
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- #11
Frenzy3674
Bronze Member
I have not and do not question her competence. She's the best therapist I've ever had.
Frenzy 3674, You've had some good and informative responses from people with experience! I appreciate learning from their experience! I do not have lots of experience but do have a thought on this subject.
It may not be popular but here goes...
I literally wasted weeks and weeks of therapy because I could not open up. I wrote some stuff down but then I still couldn't talk. My therapist reached out to me and offered an outside of the office session. Basically we now do a lot of recreational therapy. I can walk and talk much easier. I can relax a bit more in her office now too... but nothing like I can outside! We do have a lot in common and we enjoy each other's company. My therapist told me a couple of weeks ago that I won't be in therapy forever and when that time comes she is open to continuing our relationship as a friendship. This is also partly due to her knowing I'm extremely independent, I'm not a push over, & I will not blindly follow anyone... including her. Although I do hurt, panic and have needy times... I'm actually quite strong in many ways because of what I've been through. She is teaching me to be patient with myself and to accept myself even on the bad days. I digress, anyways, currently she is careful and openly talks about paying attention to boundaries. I like and respect boundaries so it's all good. At the same time I also look forward to developing a friendship with her some day - which will also end up being very therapeutic in its own way I'm sure.
I just think every single person is different- even with all of our similarities we are all different! I am not one to say that becoming friends with a therapist is impossible.... only you know you, the therapist, and your exact situation... but by your follow up posts, it doesn't sound to me like the lines have been dangerously blurred. My therapist has recommended books, videos, and nutrition. There's been a few casual texts between us re: those things - but a casual text is just that... casually sharing some information. I don't feel confused or feel like we are acting like friends... it's just a means to quickly and easily share info. To me it's far less intimate than talking!
Good luck!
It may not be popular but here goes...
I literally wasted weeks and weeks of therapy because I could not open up. I wrote some stuff down but then I still couldn't talk. My therapist reached out to me and offered an outside of the office session. Basically we now do a lot of recreational therapy. I can walk and talk much easier. I can relax a bit more in her office now too... but nothing like I can outside! We do have a lot in common and we enjoy each other's company. My therapist told me a couple of weeks ago that I won't be in therapy forever and when that time comes she is open to continuing our relationship as a friendship. This is also partly due to her knowing I'm extremely independent, I'm not a push over, & I will not blindly follow anyone... including her. Although I do hurt, panic and have needy times... I'm actually quite strong in many ways because of what I've been through. She is teaching me to be patient with myself and to accept myself even on the bad days. I digress, anyways, currently she is careful and openly talks about paying attention to boundaries. I like and respect boundaries so it's all good. At the same time I also look forward to developing a friendship with her some day - which will also end up being very therapeutic in its own way I'm sure.
I just think every single person is different- even with all of our similarities we are all different! I am not one to say that becoming friends with a therapist is impossible.... only you know you, the therapist, and your exact situation... but by your follow up posts, it doesn't sound to me like the lines have been dangerously blurred. My therapist has recommended books, videos, and nutrition. There's been a few casual texts between us re: those things - but a casual text is just that... casually sharing some information. I don't feel confused or feel like we are acting like friends... it's just a means to quickly and easily share info. To me it's far less intimate than talking!
Good luck!
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