How Did CSA Disclosure Make You Feel?

[Scott88]

How did the disclosure of CSA make you feel? I have spoke bits to my new T and I don’t really know how to feel, I feel completly exposed, scared, ashamed, disgusted I feel completly raw and open

 

[Tinyflame]

How I felt (not how I was made to feel): disgusted with myself, ashamed, gross, raw, making too big a deal about too little- many have suffered extreme abuse and atrocities their whole childhood, ungrateful, 'wrong within myself', ugly, dirty, yucky, 'nuts', gross and 'contagious'.

On the upside, honest. Grateful I wasn't shamed, was believed.

 

[Chris-duck]

First time I said I felt insanely guilty for telling. Other than that I just felt like I was making it up. I'm sorry you're feeling shitty about this.

I hope new T is able to help you with this.

 

[piratelady]

I’ve just recently started disclosing it. The first time when I round-a-boutly admitted I was molested I felt this huge sense of relief, like this huge weight was lifted off of me. The night after my therapy appointment I got what was probably my best night’s sleep in ages.

Then came the next appointment when I disclosed a few of the details. That’s when it became more real. I felt intense shame, like I’m a disgusting person, and as you said, exposed.

Honestly, for me, these feelings aren’t passing, or new waves just keep hitting me. I’m still trying to figure out how to get them to pass

 

[ladee]

I felt deep shame, ugly, nasty, worthless, guilty, and more shame. Eventually I started to feel some freedom. But for so very long I felt it was my fault.

I do not feel any of the above anymore, today, I feel freedom, and know who I am, not who others tried to make me believe I am.

It's hard. Nothing about this journey is easy. But you are so worth your truth to be shared and validated.

 

[Missycat]

All of the above .... i realised i needed help when anger became the overriding emotion but i wasnt sure what i was angry at/with - i was angry at everything and everyone.
I continue to work on all the other emotions and shame, ‘its my fault’ and guilt regularly play in my head. Im still on a journey and am getting there with the help of good t’s and understanding partner, family and friends.
I wish you all the best on your healing journey.

 

[hithere]

I was so extemely dissociated that I couldn't really say how I was feeling. I was feeling nothing. Yet I must have been feeling somethiing because the dissociation was so, so strong.

 

[EveHarrington]

Relieved.

 

[Emotional girl]

My memories of CSA have only come up in the last few months before that I had kept my memories repressed.
I have felt totally confused by it all.I felt completely ashamed,dirty,disgusted,a bad person,a complete outsider,angry,frustrated.
To make things worse I have also have attachment and strong feelings towards my T which now I also felt ashamed,dirty and guilty about .