How Do I Come Across to Others?

[Manic11]

Try not to take things to personal...I think it's good that you are checking yourself, to see if the problem may be you, that shows me that you are truly trying, that you are a caring person, and willing to change, if need be.....

It isn't you........

Agreed!
You know what I don't like about you, Cragger? You're too hard on yourself! lol We've talked a few times and I think you're a great guy. Give yourself a break hun. Do something nice for yourself today. It doesnt have to be huge. Buy yourself a treat, give yourself some extra time to relax, do something you've been wanting to do for a while now. What's something that makes you smile? You deserve it, hun. :smile:
:occasion:

Manic

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Cragger -

You have been very positive for many people on here - myself included - I find that often I will post an entry on my diary and then skim the top of the section - write comments occassionally read more often than comment - and I often don't get much further down than 3 or more others diaries until I have to bounce out. (Now I feel guilty for not catching yours - LOL - oh our minds are so funny - that's why I love this place - because we all GET IT). I completely understand how you could feel this way - and often I second guess comments I have made (because I don't want anyone to take it the wrong way). Its that insecurity coming to bite us my friend.

You are definately an asset to this forum.

 

[Blues in NYC]

Everything I've read that you've written to others has always been kind, compassionate and in many cases generous. From the posts above, it looks pretty unanimous.

One thing I will throw out there: you asking this question reminds me of me. All my life I've suffered a degree of social paranoia that stems from runaway low self esteem. I also struggle with severe "black and white" thinking. These two symptoms have for the majority of my life infected my processes of judgment, self assessment, and the assessment of my standing with others. Only now am I beginning to understand how I have let these symptoms steer my social existence.

It is natural and normal after taking a break from a community, clique or even individual friends (or family if you can stomach it! :crazy:) to feel distant and removed or at the very least out-of-pace. I know I tend to overreact to these very natural sensations. And in the past instead of taking the time to get reacquainted, I've often jumped to the conclusion that I was no longer welcome and maybe even outright hated. Poor self assessments would only reinforce these conclusions. I would say to myself "well of course they don't like me. I'm a **** person that **** because I ****." And I'd further alienate myself. When former friends and acquaintances responded to my further withdrawal with hesitance or confusion, I'd just misread their responses as further evidence that I was no longer welcome. This horrible cycle has fueled decades of hot and cold extreme social behaviors.

I don't know exactly how your social symptoms present themselves Dave. But the cycle I describe above is one of the key internal mechanisms that I and my doctor are currently trying to address and modify. I'm coming to the realization that is going to require a lot of fortitude, awareness and patience on my part. My doctor says that in time, new habits (both external and internal) can be formed even for the most complex of cPTSD patients. But it really takes attention, time and effort.

So anyways, back to your original question: You're alright man. Really. Personally, I think that your need to ask this question is just the disorder shouting you down through a megaphone. PTSD (and maybe low self esteem?) is (are) exaggerating some normal social dynamics you are experiencing from having been away for a bit.

It is good seeing you post again. But I'm sorry to read that you're going through a little bit of a low moment.

Be good to yourself this week. You deserve it!

~ Blues

(And don't think I've got it all figured out for a minute! I could stand to take a heaping spoonful of my own advice, having been fairly distant from the forums for a few weeks. Seeing names I don't recognize, conversations I'm having a hard time identifying with... almost makes me feel unwelcome. But in my rational brain, I realize that is NOT the reality here.)

 

[cragger65]

Thank you, everyone for the responses, wow!! I don't want to give the impression I'm really down at the moment, I'm not. I caught this tendency in myself (described PERFECTLY by Blues) early on this time. The day BEFORE I wrote this post, I spent the whole day with negative, self-defeating, self-critical thoughts racing through my head like a wind storm. BUT... this time I stayed centered, uncommitted and did not engage the swirling patterns. Meditation has taught me something, anyway ;P

I actually posted to the success thread about my day today, before I even read all these wonderful, reassuring and caring messages from all you fine peoples. And THAT is ANOTHER change. Normally it would knaw away at my insides from the time I posted the question to the time I read the response, CONVINCED I was going to get "yelled" at, harshly criticized, you name it. I didn't assume and agonize as much as I did previously. Sooooo.... another sign of progress, no?

Anyway, my thanks to all, I was hoping for a single response, this was very touching for me.

Cheers, have a great day,
Dave

PS. Oh, and serveral peoples' description of browsing but not posting because of mood or not wanting to offend? Me, EXACTLY. Really helped point out the obvious to me, thank you for that.

 

[cragger65]

Hello Dave,
From my point of view, I'd say you're putting too much importance on what others think. It's an erroneous zone that many people have. If you want to read up on that specific way of thinking, try Wayne Dyer's Erroneous Zones.
~Mommy to 2

I'm going to check this book out, M to 2, I know for a fact that this has always been a big issue with me, and it's only gotten worse the last few years with PTSD. Thanks

PS. I'm so used to just calling people by part of their name to save typing, but I realized I would have said "thank you Mommy". OK, I found that funny ;)

 

[Blues in NYC]

Thank you, everyone for the responses, wow!! I don't want to give the impression I'm really down at the moment, I'm not. I caught this tendency in myself (described PERFECTLY by Blues) early on this time. The day BEFORE I wrote this post, I spent the whole day with negative, self-defeating, self-critical thoughts racing through my head like a wind storm. BUT... this time I stayed centered, uncommitted and did not engage the swirling patterns. Meditation has taught me something, anyway ;P

I actually posted to the success thread about my day today, before I even read all these wonderful, reassuring and caring messages from all you fine peoples. And THAT is ANOTHER change. Normally it would knaw away at my insides from the time I posted the question to the time I read the response, CONVINCED I was going to get "yelled" at, harshly criticized, you name it. I didn't assume and agonize as much as I did previously. Sooooo.... another sign of progress, no?

Sounds like a success to me. Good work and keep it up! :thumbs-up

I think it's those mostly private internal successes that carry us through the middle (and later?) stages of recovery. Reading your account gives me hope.

~ Blues

 

[heather q]

Dave, when I take a break it seems that the flow that I had has gone, and I miss that, and my feelings of not belonging are up front and I think that I'm searching for proof that I don't belong.

This is how I do life so I would assume that it would be the same here, it's a bit sad to think that we are our own worst enemy and what we're wanting we're shutting out.

It is good question though, it helps me get closer to finding out how I function, then I having to remember my thought patterns and behaviour, of course the trick is to know what I do and still function despite myself.

It makes it more difficult for me to respond because the inadequacies seem to flow pretty high and upfront and I feel out of synch with the programme. So, how I'm dealing with things right now is to put two feet down, steady get my balance, hold onto something with both hands and feel what is going on until it passes and then get on with what I want to do. I'm trying this so that I can create more of a mechanical process than a thinking process, so far it seems to be more effective for me.

Many times I'm just not up to making a comment because it can suck me into where I don't want to be. Other times I want to make a comment but the timing isn't right, I also find that what works for me is very different from many responses, so I'm more hesitant at this time to comment, l'm in the process of thinking and wondering why I seem to have such a different approach so often, more out of interest than anything, I might add.

Heather

 

[John Doe]

Hi all! this is my first time day and first reply to any thread on this site.
I am a lawyer and a father to a three year old daughter. I work and at the same time keep the lid shut on the agony within. I come across fine but at the cost of allot of stress that has to go unnoticed because of the nature of my job. It affects the quality of my work and that makes me sad, sadness in turn takes the shape of anger, I am trying to do the best i can to control it.

 

[cragger65]

Heather, I think you and I actually have very similar copy strategies that we've developed. I too find physical attempts much more successful than mental strategies. I think this is simply because my head gets too muddled with the purley mental approach (or more muddled, still, I should say).

Things like meditation, mindfulness, stretching, walking.... they produce much more marked results in me. I am weaning off Effexor right now, and am finding that between this and working with a Naturopath, I am gaining a much clearer perspective mentally, so maybe I can still learn to master the mental aspect yet. Who knows. When we think we've reached the end of the rope, something new usually opens up in front of us.

John Doe,

Glad you found us. I can appreciate to some extent what you are going through. I find it the most difficult to hide my "oddities" and symtoms when engaged directly with other people. Maybe a mini vacation is in order?

good luck, hope you find everything you need here,
Dave

 

[Blues in NYC]

Dave,

Was wondering about the Naturopathy that you have mentioned a few times. Are you juicing? If so do you find that it helps? And are you squeezing your own or going for glass bottled stuff?

Heavy thick nectars, a mix of fruit and veg, have been doing wonders for my concentration levels. I still get triple sapped compared to my wife by exhausting situations. i.e. we went to SoHo to get some fall clothes, her for work and me because some of mine are threadbare and I'm tired of dressing like a crazy person always in tattered clothing! :rolleyes: Anyways, where there crowds tired her, I was completely exhausted when I got home. But I have found that leaning heavily on these dense juices has helped even out some of the extra calories my brain burns during socially stressful endeavors.

Guess I'm just curious if anyone else has found stuff like this that helps them. Any tricks you want to share? I'm always looking for more tools for my toolbag during the long march of this "mid-recovery" phase.

~ Blues

 

[a3a2]

Dave, I think it takes a lot of guts to even ask that question. It is difficult to be that open.

 

[cragger65]

Blues,

I like your juice idea. Do you have a favorite recipe you'd like to share? Does it require a juicer, or would a blender do the trick?

The things I have found are helping are B12 shots, Hapeel pills (to strengthen liver) Multi B's, and eating more whole and organic foods. Much less stress on the body. I can't afford to go all organic, but have switched to almond milk, organic rice and some organic meats. A place to start, anyway.

a3a2, yeah, it wasn't easy. Took me a while to build up the courage to ask. Thanks.