General How Do I Come To Terms With It And What Can I Do?

[Deleted member 19035]

My princess has PTSD as a result of a magnitude of trauma throughout her childhood. The trauma is the cause of several ailments also making her very ill.

She has told me a fair amount of her past. What she tells me is far beyond my comprehension, yet I see the scars-proof-all over her.

When she cries as if she is being hurt it tares me apart to listen to. To know this pain that she is expressing is what she went through when she was a child.

It chills me to my core to know what has happened to her. I feel useless when she is reliving it. I am not with her (I am working and she is in hospital) so I cannot hold her. All I can do is listen down the phone line.

I cannot get my head together about all she has been through and I am riddled with guilt because I am not by her side. To here the doctors tell me she has permanent damage to her health... I have no words. It destroys me to know we only have the immediate future and not forever. How do I come to terms with her being terminally ill? How do I come to terms with the bad she has suffered? I cannot.

 

[amethist]

Please do not let all this eat away at you. Stand up and be strong for you and your children.

I can hear how all this hurts you, but please for you and your children's sake, do not let it destroy who you are.

I am sure the princess you know and love would want you to carry on with life as best you can.

 

[Deleted member 19035]

Please do not let all this eat away at you.

How? My life is nothingness without my princess. She has been completely different since she woke up. Our children worship her because she is (was) an amazing mother. :cry: Now she cannot sit up unaided.

I am sure the princess you know and love would want you to carry on with life as best you can.

Yes you are right. Princess was very clear on that!
She would tell me: "Do not mope about. Do not cry over me. Go to work! Make sure the children's routine does not change."

The best part of the children's day was playing with their mummy. I cannot help that this has changed. I cannot stop myself from feeling devastated about everything.

Princess always would say "One minute of anger is sixty seconds of happiness wasted"

I know if she knew how angry I was and if she was able to talk rationally, she would be upset with me. I am very angry. I am angry at the sick bastards that hurt her and I am angry with God.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Fuzzy, I can see why you are angry, it's a natural reaction and one that I think you need to go through. She's right, that a minute of anger could be something more positive, but occasionally we just need to let it out and feel it.

Then, with time, you will be able to see that you can be happy for that minute instead. Allow yourself to feel.

 

[JustBe]

Fuzzy, what you can do for your princess is Love your children, each and every one, and give them the childhood they deserve. She is counting on you.

 

[Bilby]

I really like what both Ice_Fire and Movin'On have said, and I can only agree.

I think that there are times when despite not wanting to, you really do have to feel the raw emotions for what they are, and I really believe that anger is more than likely a 'stage' of the process you are working through right now. It will pass, but it may take time, and be prepared to accept whatever may come next - it may well be acceptance. Accepting that this is how things are now, and learning to live life to the fullest for your children.

Your children will no doubt be grieving for the loss of the mother that your Princess was. This will be a very hard time for them, and to see her very unwell. But if you can, talk about all the fun times you all had together - and see if you can find the time to give them each a little bit of one-on-one time to share some special moments with you, and to remember good things too. You may find this quiet time with you, will see them opening up and talking to you, or asking you questions about their mother. This would be crucial for them - really important, healthy, communication.

I think you would be grieving for the loss of your relationship as you once knew it too (hence why I mention moving through 'stages' above). As Movin'On says though - your Princess will be relying on you to give your children the best you can - to give them a childhood they deserve. It won't be easy when all the responsibility falls on your shoulders, but I think you can step up to the plate :)

Good luck.

B x

 

[Deleted member 19035]

but occasionally we just need to let it out and feel it.

I have never felt so full of anger. The things they did to her fill me with rage. I hope those who hurt her suffer in hell.

She is counting on you.

I see our children later today. The first time I will see them in three weeks. I cannot wait to hold them in my arms. I love them endlessly.

Your children will no doubt be grieving for the loss of the mother that your Princess was. This will be a very hard time for them, and to see her very unwell.

It hurts to see the children hurting. We do talk about Princess all of the time, it brings them joy to remember her. I get choked when our eldest asks difficult questions. We try to be honest and tell them as much as they can understand.

I think you would be grieving for the loss of your relationship as you once knew it too

I miss her. I miss us when everything was going right.

Good luck.

Thank you. I will do my best to be the father the children need and the partner my princess deserves.

 

[Bilby]

Enjoy holding your children again :)

I know times must be incredibly difficult, but I do hope that by sharing things here, it is helping things a little.

 

[amethist]

Enjoy your children FuzzyBear.

Let them fill your heart with love.

 

[Deleted member 19035]

:( Seeing princess makes it hard to ignore what the doctors were saying. God please heal her.

 

[JustBe]

FuzzyBear, I may be out of line saying this, but having just spent the past two weeks with my Auntie as she took this journey; sometimes the best we can do for our loved ones is to let them know that it's OK to go.

To give them the freedom and peace to let go of this painful and unfair world is so hard for us to do, but sometimes it's what is best for the one we Love.

 

[amethist]

let them know that it's OK to go.

I know someone who did this, she was the only person brave enough and strong enough to tell him it was OK to go to sleep. She told him he could hold her hand and let go of everything else. That is just what he did, he held her hand and let go.

No one is suggesting that this is the way to go FuzzyBear, but if it is the only way in the end, I hope your strong enough to be there for her and tell her.

{{{{:hug:}}}} to both of you.