How Do I Explain Ptsd/did To Loved Ones?

[Nikki100]

I think how you feel about disclosing something or keeping something a secret is a very good hint at what you should do.

Before I tell someone anything about my PTSD I try to figure out why I want to tell them and what I'm expecting from them. That's how I make sure that I don't have any unrealistic expectations.

When I explain PTSD I focus on how it effects me rather than on what caused it. For example saying that I was sexually abused without saying anything else is usually enough information and it isn't too overwhelming for me or them. It also minimizes the “guilt/blame/minimizing part”.
If they want to know more, I tell them I'm not comfortable with that right now. I can still go into detail later, but I can't take anything back.

I make sure that all their questions are answered, that they know if I'm expecting anything from them (nothing too complicated) and that they know that they can always ask me if they have any questions.
Using articles has always helped.

I also tell them that this doesn't make me a completely different person than they know and that they shouldn't treat me differently in general.

 

[sun seeker]

After reading your further explanations about the nature of your abuse and that you haven't told them about it yet, I agree that it might not be the best idea to tell them about the PTSD and DID yet. Both conditions are by definition linked to extreme trauma. If you aren't going to tell them about the trauma, it's going to be next to impossible for them to really understand what you mean when you tell them that you have these conditions. As others have said, so many families do minimize. With mine it's along the lines of "oh, that's too bad dear... and what should we have for lunch?" And that's when I'm practically beating them over the head with information about where my symptoms come from. I don't know your family, but my fear would be if you try to tell them about your conditions without telling them the source, you are even less likely to get the empathy and understanding you are hoping for.

I'm a little confused about the DID. I might have this wrong, but it sounds as if they are not used to seeing you switching. Have you had very little contact with your family since childhood, that they would not have seen this before? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I'm just confused about how it's gone on for so long without them knowing.

Do you feel you might tell them about the abuse at some later point?

 

[greenleaf]

Even people who are supportive of "those poor abuse survivors out there" can have very different reactions when it's people they know... way too threatening for some. Then there is the problem that our society shows violence and trauma in movies and tv constantly, often in highly unrealistic ways, and the "heroes" have little to no problem with this unreal trauma. People are often really desensitized to 3rd person trauma as a result, in my opinion.

So the things that really traumatize many 5, 10, 15, 20 or 60-yr olds, just can't compare with those unreal scripts. What's the big deal about a few little death threats... it's not that bad...

This probably adds onto their need to minimize for other reasons. So, maybe leaving out details is best, at least?

 

[zeckster81]

@sun seeker

First of all thank you for your response (others too). I appreciate everyone's responses. They are helping me a lot.

Second, I only visit my family at a few hours at a time and do my best to be grounded. I'm only aware of one other part being forward before, a dog part. I started to switch and growl and was able to be present with that part. It's the only one I can remember and be present with. It's actually really integrated well, but not controlled all the time. He has a mind of his own. His role is to warn me of danger. When he was forward my family laughed it off and just thought I was being "weird."

I only want to tell them because I want to spend more time with them and build healthy relationships. Plus my husband wants to go to the lake house with my family and have fun. I think my step mother, who is one of the verbal abusers, knows something is up. When I was in my early teens she would get angry at me for switching personalities and acting different around other people. I don't think they nor I really understood what was going on.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Hmmm. Taking deep breaths. Most people have a vague concept of PTSD, and generally war related. I did not know what was imploding my life. Tried to share with some family. I had changed significantly. Most who knew me thought it was just a bad relationship, me too, though aspects of that took years to manifest. Kept putting one foot in front of the other trying to keep it together. Sharing with family has left me very hurt and shunned, no discussion at all, kept at arms length.

zeckster81, on another note I like the dog bit. Know it must have been …… take a look if you can find it of the movie Dean Spanley. Could use as a good cover for the dog change. It is more about re-incarnation, but family and issues too. Deep but not dark, every time I watch it more understanding of complex issues.

Take care, and thanks for your post. I newish here, and just starting on the healing journey.

 

[Anarchy]

Most people have a vague concept of PTSD, and generally war related.

That was where I was - I didn't believe that I could possibly have PTSD