Pressed the wrong button. Doh!
There's always two parts, like the flip sides of a coin. There's the Neglectful Parent that pushes people away, and the Neglected Child part that feels the lonliness and rejection (+ feels wrong in someway). These parts are dissociated in some way, i.e. when you are pushing away you don't empathise with the other, when you're feeling rejected you can't imagine ever wanting to push someone away because you wouldn't want them to have to go through what you do.
You will experience these parts as the Push-Me-Pull-You of relationships:
- feeling desperately obliged to make a relationship work
- pushing people away that you know care about you
The Neglectful Parent is narcissistic, and doesn't care what damage it does to the Neglected Child or to others (like the actual parent). The Neglected Child assumes that the Neglectful Parent is perfect and that the fault is hers.
The thing to do is confront the Negelctful Parent and soothe the Neglected Child.
The Neglectful Parent is not interested in changing and feels totally entitled to do whatever it sees fit, so the work is in confronting that process by saying, "I don't care where you came from. I know you are based in my perceptions of my parent's behaviour, but you are a part of me now. You are in my head, so you are obliged to do what is best for GaleH, not the original parent."
The Neglected Child needs to be soothed in the moment when either the Neglectful Parent or someone else is behaving in a way that makes the Neglected Child feel neglected. Treat the Neglected Child like a very small child, and make soothing noises, tell her it's going to be OK, tell her that you, GaleH, are looking out for her and will protect her from the Neglectful Parent/the other.
There's always two parts, like the flip sides of a coin. There's the Neglectful Parent that pushes people away, and the Neglected Child part that feels the lonliness and rejection (+ feels wrong in someway). These parts are dissociated in some way, i.e. when you are pushing away you don't empathise with the other, when you're feeling rejected you can't imagine ever wanting to push someone away because you wouldn't want them to have to go through what you do.
You will experience these parts as the Push-Me-Pull-You of relationships:
- feeling desperately obliged to make a relationship work
- pushing people away that you know care about you
The Neglectful Parent is narcissistic, and doesn't care what damage it does to the Neglected Child or to others (like the actual parent). The Neglected Child assumes that the Neglectful Parent is perfect and that the fault is hers.
The thing to do is confront the Negelctful Parent and soothe the Neglected Child.
The Neglectful Parent is not interested in changing and feels totally entitled to do whatever it sees fit, so the work is in confronting that process by saying, "I don't care where you came from. I know you are based in my perceptions of my parent's behaviour, but you are a part of me now. You are in my head, so you are obliged to do what is best for GaleH, not the original parent."
The Neglected Child needs to be soothed in the moment when either the Neglectful Parent or someone else is behaving in a way that makes the Neglected Child feel neglected. Treat the Neglected Child like a very small child, and make soothing noises, tell her it's going to be OK, tell her that you, GaleH, are looking out for her and will protect her from the Neglectful Parent/the other.
