Other How Do I Know If I Am A Ptsds Lover

[Justfriends]

Hi all I joined this site as I think I maybe the lover of someone that has/had PTSD.

As I certainly do not want to cause another woman grief by being someones husbands lover I am asking if you might know ways that I could tell.

I have asked a lot of questions but he appears to cover himself well. He admits to being married once to a very abusive wife, but I am starting to suspect that what he had told me may not be the truth. I have studied a little psychology and researched PTSD a little as my daughter has PTSD from being a fire fighter.

Maybe he was the abuser, and maybe he is still married. There are signs there in how we met and must admit we clicked instantly like we had known one another for years and we met thro dating site, but it has always been on his terms and when he can get away from work etc, and never weekends except on one occasion. This is to me a red flag.

Other things are it is always same day so suspect that maybe this is day that his wife away.

We texted constantly and over time I felt he was grooming me as messages became more personal and sex orientated. He accidentally sent an email one day and had forgotten to delete past people who had seen the email and I noticed a lot of other womens names. I asked and sensed a little anxiety but as he belongs to a ex services club and he said they were women of that group I discounted that but it has been in the back of my mind still.

He admits to anxiety and having suffered PTSD in the navy. I have seen evidence of this as he will always be aware of surroundings and will only sit with back to wall, and he is always watching people.

Look forward to any input as I am concerned and feel who better to ask then those who suffer from this debilitating illness.

I will walk away rather then hurt another woman who is already suffering, and I certainly do not want to be one of his probably many conquests.

Thanks in advance

 

[Justmehere]

The only way to know if someone has PTSD or not for sure is to have a diagnosis by a mental health care professional.

He admits to anxiety and having suffered PTSD in the navy.

This seems reasonable and it seems likely he has PTSD. Only a qualified mental health professional can say for sure, but nothing you describe leads me to have serious doubts as to if he has PTSD. Why do you question that?

PTSD is no excuse to cheat on someone.

As far as to if he is still married and/or seeing other women... that's a totally different matter.

I'd suggest requiring to meet at his house, and/or on different days than the same day, and/or meeting some of his friends who have known him a long time --- as a boundary of what you need to be able to continue in the relationship. If he refuses to do so, well, you at least know the relationship wasn't going to go where you wanted to go and it's time to move on because he's too sketchy. If he is willing, then get to know people who know him and more of his life and the answers will hopefully shake out in time as to if he is worthy of trust or not.

 

[ladee]

To me, this is very simple. May not be easyn but is very simple.
Follow your gut!!! Red flags are exactly that.
I suggest you read your post as tho someone else wrote it...then see how you feel.
First of all you deserve to be more than 'someone's back door lady'.
Follow your gut.

 

[Richie]

what Ladee said. Trust your instincts!

 

[digger]

Hi all I joined this site as I think I maybe the lover of someone that has/had PTSD.
As I certainly do not want to cause another woman grief by being someones husbands lover I am asking if you might know ways that I could tell.

I'm a bit confused. You start with saying you want to know how to tell if he has PTSD, but the content of your post is about how to tell if he is cheating.

PTSD does not equal cheating.
PTSD does not equal an excuse for cheating.

Look forward to any input as I am concerned and feel who better to ask then those who suffer from this debilitating illness.

To be honest, I think you'd be better asking those who have cheated or suffered being cheated on as that seems to be the focus of what you are trying to establish?

To go from 'I want to know if my lover is a cheat' to 'I think the best place to ask that would be on a PTSD forum', is actually kind of insulting in my opinion.

 

[joeylittle]

As I certainly do not want to cause another woman grief by being someones husbands lover I am asking if you might know ways that I could tell.

Could tell if he has PTSD?

Or could tell if he's cheating?

Cheating: ask.
PTSD: ask.

Basically, you and this guy need to have a conversation. You clearly have a gut feeling that there's something up. That's usually the point where it's good to just ask.

Anything else is playing games, and what's the point in that?