How do I manage when I cannot see my T for awhile?

[Scarlet13]

Hey,

So I am looking for advice. My husband is unemployed currently and so I cannot afford therapy.
I am looking for some insight on how to survive without her.
This was abrupt due to his lay off.
He is looking for work in a high demand field so we should be ok in terms of finding work soon.
I can afford to go once next month and then hopefully completely resume in October.

I have been struggling with missing her. I have a strong attachment and we do relational work.

I had a toxic mothering experience as a child. Recently, I asked my mother for help with back to school clothes for my kids so she came for a visit and was, not surprisingly, highly negative and insulting. She doesn't even have any sense of it and lacks empathy when others in my life seem caring.

We are putting the house on the market and moving in with in laws to get out of debt and to give my husband some time in his job search so this is stressful.

I am starting to teach and had to take a myriad of trainings such as reporting abuse, recognizing sexual abuse, eating disorders and so on.

So, all of it is really, really triggering.
I talked to my T briefly today and she was late for the phone session due to another patient in crisis.

This made me yearn for her more.
She told me how stable and strong I sounded, but upon hanging up, I felt frustrated like I wanted to be the patient in crisis.

I am really, really stressed but I guess stable.
But that phone sess made me miss her more.
I have attachment/abandonement trauma which is always so hard to manage.
I did tell her all of my self care things which could be more which I struggle with because I had to constantly work, work, work as a child to please my mother so in situations like cleaning/selling a house, I get all OCD.

So, how do you survive when you cannot see your T for a while?

 

[Friday]

I can afford to go once next month and then hopefully completely resume in October.

I have been struggling with missing her. I have a strong attachment and we do relational work.

You could look at it like a kid going off for a summer camp, or internship, or quarter abroad. One of those graduated levels of responsibility things, where kids spend big chunks of time away from their parents to learn pieces of what it’s like on their own, stretch their wings, all with the safety net of knowing they’re coming home at the end of the summer, or quarter.

Which is also something that builds secure attachment; leaving, and coming back. Leaving again, and coming back again. Sometimes gradually, sometimes very spur of the moment. But the relationship is still there, and still evolving, and still strong enough to meet those changes without blinking. The static view of “You have to be in my life, in the exact same way, forever & forever!” Is a hallmark of abuse, rather than healthy relationships. Healthy relationships and roles and time spent change and shift about all the time.

2 healthy-relational-work birds, 1 stone?

 

[Scarlet13]

That's great thank you.
That really helps reframe the whole experience.
I felt so down, almost like a punishment to have to stop therapy for a while.
I feel terrefied of not having resources and nourishment and this makes me want to eat chocolate.

 

[watundah]

When things become difficult, perhaps you could imagine what she would tell you in that situation.

Self care and self compassion are huge tools to carry, so read a good book on strengthening those skills. Soothe yourself as she does.

If she accepts it, maybe you could exchange a short, weekly email to ensure connection, tho sometimes that makes it worse. You may be surprised how quickly the yearning diminishes.

Write it out. Meditate. Keep busy. Do things that give you joy.

Best of luck.

 

[blackemerald1]

Keep a written journal on your thoughts and feelings and be disciplined in doing it every day. I would imagine you discuss quite personal and private thoughts with your T so use your journal to vent. It need not go anywhere or be shown to anyone. It may help.

Time will pass very quickly partly because you have so much to do and such big things too!

Good luck with the teaching position, move into the in-laws and your husbands job hunting. I hope it all goes really well! I can understand why you may be feeling very stressed right now and not being able to see your T right now may be the last thing you would want to give up. But sometimes the choices are not ours. :hug:

 

[Skywatcher]

Would your T be willing to hand-write you a letter of encouragement? Mine did this before her last vacation (at my request). My T typically keeps up with email, but there was one trip where there was a problem (no response past 5 days, usually she checks in every 3 days) and it steadily undid me each day getting worse and worse. It caused a huge set back in my therapy. The tangible letter really helped on the last trip. I keep a copy of it in my phone and still revisit it as well. My T seems to know how to make a very self-care focused message feel personal and caring. I am so thankful to have it.

 

[grit]

Hope the silver lining is you start to find your inner strength (or inner child) and soothe her in the meantime. You are going through a rough time even for super healthy person.

Just wishing you inner strength.

 

[hithere]

my counselor gave me something to keep from the office to return when I go back after the break. this helped me so much. sounds weird but it was exactly what I needed.