How Do I Overcome This? Unhealthy Reactions

[IndigoButterfly]

I'm having serious issues. Since becoming ill a few years back with cfs/me as well as having PTSD I have lost literally all of my friends. I have a loving boyfriend but when he is not with me it's like I get consumed by loneliness and boredom and then my worst enemy (my mind) unleashes itself and has too much time to think and then I get in a complete state.

Don't get me wrong, I love that my boyfriend is happy out and about with his friends and he does so at least once every week, most other days he is with me so we are together a lot. The thing is, it's not that I am dependent on him I just have nobody else when he isn't there and sadly I have no choice over the matter because I am too ill to go out and about making new friends and cannot stick to commitments even when I want to. :( I'm doing all I can to get better even though 'there is no cure'.

Sometimes when my boyfriend goes, I'm fine, other days I feel strongly abandoned, and like today I feel like I want to be in control and even though I'm meant to see him tomorrow I want to just say that I can't and tell him I need a week to myself. But if I do that I know I'll be depressed.. I'm always available to him but if I'm ever not he has friends to go out with so he never feels like I feel, if I cant see him for a week then he would always have friends that will keep him busy. I don't :( I try so hard to keep distracted, music, TV, computer, games, forums but I feel sick from looking at the screens so much. Also do crafts but I'm just exhausted, I just want to tell him I don't want to see him for weeks which is stupid because I do, I love him so much but I feel so lacking in control and hurt, always readily available and I have no excuse to not be free so I feel stupid saying so. :( What is wrong with me!! I feel so frustrated.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Can I be frank? I think you are very dependent on him for your self. There is nothing wrong with needing someone to be with you. There is nothing wrong with missing someone. But there is an imbalance. He has a social life and you do not. This puts you at a disadvantage with him.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are lonely. I am married and I am lonely because I do not have many friends. I have isolated and am paying the price for that. I am starting over. It will take time and effort to change that for me.

I hope for you that you will be able to reach out to safe others as the opportunity arises. You need to have more to do in your life. I know how hard it is because I am in the same position. I am just now taking baby steps out of my isolation. It is painfully hard.

I am lucky because I have my daughter and my granddaughters. They help. I wish you the best. You will find a way to rebuild your life for you. It is important that you are not clingy to your boyfriend. That drives people away. Best wishes to you. Just my opinion.

 

[IndigoButterfly]

I think you're right Gizmo, I just don't know what to do from here. I'm literally having a huge emotional breakdown right now and the loneliness is killing me.

 

[Tanishq]

IndigoButterfly, could you ask your boyfriend some help to build some friendships? You can get ideas from him. He has healthy social life. you can work out together and find a way to solve this issue.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Being on the forum helps me alot. It gives me something to do which involves other people. You have to find a way to help yourself. I am glad you have your boyfriend. Mabe he could include you when He socializes withhis friends.