Relationship How Do I Stop Being Angry

[Katherine]

I've been posting on the diary section to help get some of these thoughts out, but here's one that just keeps rolling around my head:

How do I stop being angry about my ex (as of 1 1/2 weeks ago) bottling up his feelings enough so that now he's so hurt that we don't get a chance to make our relationship work?

We've bene together for 2 1/2 years and he finally was able to move to be with me after getting out of the Army. We were so in adoration of each other and shared everything. We just broke up and last night after 2 months of living here, he says that I hurt him the very first day because I wasn't excited enough about him being here (I was letting him adjust and giving him space to not cause unnecessary anxiety). He just connected with these feelings - since he got here I've been asking him what he needs for me to help, what he wants and now that it's over he tells me that I hurt him the first day and other times from there on out. And he's done with us.

How do I stop being angry about the fact that he let his emotions progress to a point where he's done - without even asking for my help? Where he actively let 2 1/2 years and our plans for the future go down the drain without reaching out for my partnership in saving us.

I don't know how to stop being angry that he let us die and he's taken a weekend (where I visited a friend) and now he's done - over - moved on - and wants us to be friends.

 

[Cin]

Katherine,

Let yourself be angry. You have every right to feel anger. Juts because he has PTSD doesn't mean you aren't entitled to feel the same feelings of anger and being ripped off that someone in a non-PTSD relationship feels when things go bad.

Anger is a part of grieving and right now, you are grieving. Saying goodbye to your future with the man you thought you would be with for the rest of your life is a tough thing to do. Vent to us, cry to us, let it all out. Don't bottle it up.

 

[Nicolette]

You have every right to be angry Katherine but anger is usually a cover for an underlying issue. To me it sounds you are hurt and rejected and can't see why your EX won't put the effort in that you are willing to. What he does is totally under his control and if he decides to be a fool and bottle things up and ruin your relationship there is little you can do about it as both people have to want to be a relationship to make it work.

Process your anger and then look deeper for what really is causing you the most pain. Do not stuff the emotions down, process and move through them while accepting that, while you want different, you have to live by the reality which now exists and start moving on with your life. He may come back to you...but if he finds you in a heap eaten up with anger and festering over your lost relationship it won't give you much hope. You need to hold your head high and work through this and not worry about him. This time is for you.