How Do We Win?

[sailorneedinghelp]

From experience all the effects of ptsd cause a downard spiral that we cant emerge from. The night terrors the anger the drinking I can deal with, but what about when it starts affecting the rest of my life? I got clinically diagnosed when I woke up and my wife was in the corner clutching her ribs crying and telling me I beat the mess out of her in my sleep. They gave me sleep meds which I cant take on a normal basis because of my job has weird hours but its the only job that it seems I can keep. The other ways of dealing with it just cause more disaster. My wife is now leaving me because of my anger my drinking, my nights I spend up, and my low sex drive ehich she attributes to cheating. Me and my father came to blows because we both have anger issues and now I just feel like some people fall through the cracks. What are we supposed to do when the compound effects of ptsd start piling up?

 

[Wagon]

Hey sailor,

I was a squid as well. 80's. All ships.

You are not unique in your experiences. My wife left, I used to drink heavily, nightmares, flashbacks. The full spread as it were.

It's all baby steps. Sounds stupid, but thats what it is. You have to take one thing at a time. Learn your triggers, mind your daily schedules, learn relaxation techniques, go to therapy, etc etc etc............and repeat, repeat, repeat.

It ain't easy, but it can get better. And as we all do, you'll feel like a little kid again from time to time because you crash and have to relearn all over again.

Take a read around here and a look at the media section. Good info here. Educating yourself on the nature of the beast helps tremendously.

Hang Tough
Wagon.

 

[Spock]

You are not alone brother, this is an all too common story. Wagon's advice is based on sound experience and many of us will tell you the same. No magic pills, hard work and retraining yourself for life after combat. You can't be cured but you can learn to live with it and limit the damage. You must take care of yourself before you can take care of others and sooner or later you need to get straight with your employment situation: meaning you need to talk about what accommodation(s) is required for you to stay there and be able to take your sleep medication.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Sailor, welcome to the forum, old Nam squid here.

Spock and Wagon said it all! The main thing is that you take the meds as prescribed - if they are being part of the problem let the doc know. As for the drinking, I don't have to tell you that it's a volatile cocktail. You're defeating the purpose of the drugs.

What are we supposed to do when the compound effects of ptsd start piling up?

If you're able to get to a Vet Center talk to someone about your situation. They can make some suggestions and possibly make some arrangements. If the job interferes with your sleep patterns/meds it may be necessary for a change.

Ba

 

[Spock]

I found group therapy the best, being able to share openly with battle buddies that understood & recapturing camaraderie. This forum is somewhat like a 24/7 group with great variety of opinions & suggestions

 

[JarHed]

Hey Sailor

It's not a real help to know what you're going through is 'normal' for us with PTSD, but it is. Good suggestions above and more to follow I'm sure. Just try to deal with one thing at a time and one day at a time. It's a tough thing but it can get better, even if it doesn't seem possible. You're already working on it from what you've posted, keep that going. Let us know what we can do to help. Almost forgot, Welcome to the forums. Gotta' say this place and the people here helped save my life more than I can say.

JarHed

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Sailor,

The guys covered the basics very well. I just wanna highlight three things I tell myself ever day:

**Don't beat yourself up over the past. You can't change it. Stay in the present. You can make a difference there.

**Dealing with your post traumatic stress has to be your number one priority. It will effect every other part of your life.

**You're not sick. You're wounded. Those wounds need treatment. YOU CAN'T IGNORE THEM. YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THEM ON YOUR OWN.

 

[Spock]

Well done SD...borrowing for others! (y)

 

[thomas.robinson.54966]

Brother I feel your pain I just lost a great woman bc of my blow ups. The monster is hard to fight and it loves the taste of alcohol.

 

[dutchiedelta]

If I still had a partner I'd fight tooth and nail to remain together.
Now single for over 14 years I understand, it's not gonna happen anymore.
My own choice cos I find it just too hard to explain, to work around my little hang ups.

Also many men are intimidated by a female vet and start a pissing match to show they are macho-er than me.
The novelty wore off quickly.

 

[Spock]

I'm glad my uncle taught me, with humor, long ago that his wife (my aunt) was the house boss. Now I can focus on things that interest me more and not try to control everything unless I feel the need to provide an opinion (vote)

 

[JarHed]

many men are intimidated by a female vet and start a pissing match to show they are macho-er than me.

Don't know why this is. Men often say they like 'strong' women till they meet one. Hang in there, though, you never know who's around the next corner. Life's tough enough with a partner, alone it can just suck.

Jar