How do you change "plan brain"?

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm not actually asking you to do anything, except to consider the possibility

Totally possible. I do see that much.

Do you walk in with the same person somewhat frequently? If so, say "hi" or "good morning" or something.

No sadly. I would if we sat in the same seats everyday but we don't. The only other call center that had seating like this was Sprint. It's called "hot seating" (or is what Spectrum calls it). Basiclly you fill whatever empty seat. I was picking the same one for a good timeframe but they switched that up. They have a tool that basiclly puts your seat number up on tvs and leads walk around and actually come to you (rather then calling them as thats what everyone else does) and to make it easier for them we are now to sit together, tightly packed like a can of sardines which also sucks, by your start time. So its easier for leads to assist. Fast for them to. But, I am sitting by people that start sort of when I do. But never by the same person. And if we dont have exactly the same schedule one has to wait on the other. I, of course, don't mind at all to wait but I am not sure if the other would feel the same. And then I have days off to worry about and mixing in other rides. A taxi is too much even for a day or two. Maybe I could arrange with my dad for a day. I dont know. He doesn't seem to want to help me at all so yeah, theres that.

I wonder if looking at it as an exercise in recognizing that you have no financial cushion only would be something less triggery to look at than making it all about your car.

I mean, not really. Its all pretty hot and panic packed to be honest. Sort of like asking someone not to panic when their drowning. That's how it feels anyway. Not saying it isn't possible. Just explaining how it feels is all.

 

[shimmerz]

Sort of like asking someone not to panic when their drowning.

Except you aren't drowning quite yet. So I think what I am asking is if you can try to start to change your perspective. This isn't yet about the car because the car isn't broken. I started looking at it instead of what it really was. No financial security in case anything went wrong.

That's how it feels anyway.

Yes, I know it does. Just wondering how well that feeling is serving you right now. Is it helping you get to your goal or is it throwing you into deep space 9?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Just wondering how well that feeling is serving you right now. Is it helping you get to your goal or is it throwing you into deep space 9?

Over the cliff is more like it. But, I hear ya. I know its not serving me. Its just super hard. Trying to change something I've always done. Survived by always being in survial mode. Again, not impossible and i will continue to chip away at it but I feel like I'm taking a small nail and a rubber mallet or tack hammer to chip slowly away at a giantic 10 inch thick brick wall 20 feet high and never stopping length wise. I'll be at it for the rest of my life and nothing is lasting that long. A sledge hanmer would be better. Certianly still a heavy feat but its getting it done faster. But I suppose that's where ACT, reframing, time outs, and so forth come in. Their the sledge hammer?

 

[Suzetig]

i will continue to chip away at it but I feel like I'm taking a small nail and a rubber mallet or tack hammer to chip slowly away at a giantic 10 inch thick brick wall 20 feet high and never stopping length wise

I know that feeling - I remember my T and I talking about me literally chipping away at things and I did think “I’ll be here forever”. It literally felt like I was emptying the ocean with a spoon.

The funny thing though - tackling some of those really ingrained thought processes felt very hard, but the more I did it the easier it became. Over time. And in time I realised a particular thought pattern had changed. I had to be really disciplined- literallly pulling my mind back every time it went “there” but after a while I realised I hadn’t “gone there” in ages.

And once I sorted one out, the others started to become easier because I knew I did it once, and could do it again. And then the ocean felt more like a bath tub, and I was using a cup instead of a spoon. Still hard, but less hard than before.

I guess what I’m saying is that using your grounding skills to deal with the panic, really challenging your thoughts about finances, stopping looking at all the reasons why it might go wrong, stopping beating yourself up for decisions that you made in good faith - all of that is a discipline but it’s an important part of your recovery, and recovery is very hard work. You’ve had some excellent suggestions about how to reframe your thinking about your situation.

The time will pass whether you fight this or not. Doing the work on this and really challenging yourself will be hard, but my sense is living like this is hard anyway so what have you got to loose? What need does thinking yourself into a crisis meet in you?

Notice I’m not saying you’re making it all up - I’m saying your thinking processes about legitimate concerns around financial security are pitching you into crisis when you’re not actually in crisis. Understanding the need that process meets in you will help make it possible to challenge it more easily.

 

[Innordinate]

What do you do to ease the panic at this present moment to be able to plan more effecently or more rationally?

I'm a constant planner. It was a survival thing, a long time ago. It helped a lot, a long time ago. It helps a now, but I had to stop planning for too far into the future. It worked for awhile but has recently become a problem, because there are some things far into the future that do actually need plans for. (or maybe they don't but as a planner I say they do)

The further ahead I planned, the more the anxiety increased, the more negative scenarios I would run and the less I was able to function in the present. So I stopped planning over a week ahead and have slowly built up to about a month, sometimes 4-6 months, but this becomes anxiety provoking so I try not to do it often.

 

[scout86]

he more negative scenarios I would run and the less I was able to function

This is probably going to sound crazy to a couple of you. The thing is, you don't want to run NEGATIVE scenarios. There's no point in rehearsing 101 ways to fail. You need to plan SOLUTIONS, not defeats. Of course you have to anticipate things that might go wrong, but you heed to focus on overcoming them.

For example. My car might not start tomorrow. Ok, if the car doesn't start, the truck probably will. If the truck doesn't start.... I call and cancel my appointments for the day, I guess. But I find a solution for that problem. In reality, I've got people I can call and borrow a vehicle from. I've got an awesome mechanic who will bend over backwards to help. etc, etc. The thing is, I don't know, TONIGHT that the truck won't start. Or my mechanic will be on vacation. Or a client might fire me. Or any of the things that would be bad are actually going to happen. Don't make that stuff REAL in your head. Acknowledge it as a possibility, look for a potential solution. Don't waste time on 101 reasons things won't work. In the end, I've run this stuff down to the point that I ask myself, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" "And then what?" Worst case? Then I'm going to die. Oh well, sooner or later, we're ALL going to die. I really and truly believe that the perseverance and survival skills that got all of us this far can get us where ever we need to go.

@lostforgottensoul , that work situation sounds bizarre! I'm glad I don't have to deal with it! But, yeah, if you can, try, in little ways, to connect with people. You might be surprised. I've found out that it can be fun to make the clerk in the grocery store smile. That's a small goal of mine. Any given day, I try to say something nice to someone who's not expecting it. It can be fun and interesting to observe their reactions. You thought THIS was a scary place at first, right? But you're pretty comfortable now? Regular people can be like that too.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What need does thinking yourself into a crisis meet in you?

I'm not sure. I can't see it meeting a need. But maybe it does. I'm honestly not sure.

You thought THIS was a scary place at first, right? But you're pretty comfortable now? Regular people can be like that too.

Online vs in person = huge difference for me. But I do understand what you're saying. Every place except work and doctors I have Chopper. Doctors except my therapist's. He goes to therapy with me. So, that clerk I can talk to because Chopper is in between them and I. I was able to ask a worker at Aldi yesterday what the cheapest beef for a crock pot was, he showed me stew meat and then went on to ask me if I was a service dog trainner, then when I said I was owner training for myself he went on to say he had seen Chopper in there a few times and he does really well and so forth. I was able to ask about beef for a crock pot because Chopper was between him and I. With that barrier I've found I can open up a little bit. Not a lot but just a little. Without him I'm in the same place I was before I started training a service dog. Opening up a little with a service dog took a long while. At least 6 months of him being with me in public. Most have service dogs for years. Obtaining those skills without a service dog is of course doable and needed but it takes a long time. One of those things that you work on while using a service dog. And something I am already working on. But, it is a very importance piece of information to know that at this moment Chopper cannot go to work with me. So, I recoil back into myself and stay in protection mode at work...just like I did before I started to train a service dog because without him I am in the same place as I was before I started to train one. Currently anyway. Though, I am still working on it. In a few years I hope to not need a service dog but for now, I do.

Does that make any sense? I don't want to make it seem like I'm not working on it cause I am. But, I've gotten the feeling that some feel that since I was able to open up a little while he was with me then I should when he's not and that's not the case. At least not just a year in anyway. Not for me. Some maybe able to after a year but that's not the case for me. But, I'm still working on it. It's a constant, never stopping, working on it.

 

[desiderata310]

I'm jumping into this way late so if this is not helpful, leave it.

One of the more... useful components of PTSD for me has become compartmentalization.
Yes, I am a constant planner. I have multiple exit plans going right now for the OMG, just in case, the world is coming to an end BS of my brain's love of panic and planning.

The thing is I have gotten to allow myself the beginning four or five plans- vague plans with vague details. Lots of strings that would need to be tied up and I leave it. I revisit it once a day (twice if I actually have time and I am that anxious) and reevaluate the need for plan 1 through 3 and the validity of 4 and 5 and adjust accordingly. And then I put it away. And leave it there.

THAT SAID, there have still been things that have caught me unaware and that again is where PTSD comes in REALLY damn handy. Seems I'm good in a crisis. Shit goes sideways and there's a guy who has fallen and broken his hand, I'm already by his side telling folks what to do. I'll freak out about it later. Seriously. I'll actually allow myself time to close a door somewhere, cry, shake and freak out. It's going to happen but when it's in the process of going down, I have the power to control it. Most of us do. It's the stupid every day shit of someone surprising me from behind that sends me into a real tailspin of emotions.

SO one thing I kept seeing was how isolated you are. One question I have is how could you help yourself become LESS isolated? Are there SD meet ups (google meet up in your area) and meet a few people. SD owners like to closely monitor who their dogs play with so it's a thought.

Get some numbers (more than one) and then you DO know people and if shit goes sideways with the car you DO have a way around at least temporarily.
I dunno, it's worth a shot.

 

[barefoot]

Sorry if you have posted this ealsewhere (or on this very thread) and I have missed it. What is it about having Chopper with you that means you are able to speak to people more easily? You mention that he is a barrier? So, do you mean that he is a physical barrier and will physically protect you if someone were to try to harm you? So, therefore you feel safer to interact with people? Or do you mean that having Chopper with you more easily gets you into conversation with people because he is a talking point? Or...?

I’m not sure that I see anyone saying that you “should” be able to talk to people more when you’re alone seeing as you can do it when Chopper is with you.

For me, I feel that you provide a lot of evidence for why you can’t do something. Eg when @scout86 asked whether you tend to see the same few people who arrive at work the same time you do because, if so, that could be a first step to smile/say hi...you provided quite a lot of detail about how that doesn’t happen and about what happens instead (sounds like a really weird set up, btw - not the hot-desking part, which is becoming quite common but the waiting in an area grouped by start time and then having someone come and collect you. I haven’t ever heard of that before!)

So, if you can’t do what someone here suggests (eg if you can’t say hi to the same group of people you walk in with because you don’t ever walk in with the same people), what *could* you do instead?

I guess me asking that loops back to what some others on this thread are saying...that the panic involved in the over-planning anxious mind likely keeps you stuck in an unhelpful habit of replaying worse case scenarios, what could go wrong and holding on to what you believe you can’t do, rather than opening up some head space to consider what small thing you *could* do as a next step.

As for how to stop the over-planning brain, I guess that comes down to how to ease/reduce anxiety and panic? So, grounding, distractions, consciously focusing on what is still possible rather than what isn’t? Easier said than done, I know!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Are there SD meet ups (google meet up in your area) and meet a few people. SD owners like to closely monitor who their dogs play with so it's a thought

I REALLY want to do one of these for both of us. I've been asked by one person on my youtube channel and that was a bit freakish but if there were a group I could do that. I never thought to google it though. Will certianly do that! It will help him with focusing around dogs and will help me with isolation.

So, do you mean that he is a physical barrier and will physically protect you if someone were to try to harm you

Yes, a physical barrier but not for protection. Service dogs cannot display such behavior. I can type more later but walking into work now. But, yes, a physical barrier between me and others.

 

[barefoot]

So, is it possible that something else could act as a physical barrier when you don’t have Chopper with you? Could you, for instance, hold a bag or laptop case or something (even if empty) between you and the other person? Could that have a similar effect?
Hoping this doesn’t sound a glib example...it just strikes me that if Chopper is fulfilling the role of “barrier”, which helps you to communicate with others, you could perhaps find a substitute barrier to fulfil that role when he isn’t with you?

 

[scout86]

Online vs in person = huge difference for me.

Fur me too. And my T keeps reminding me that there IS a huge difference and that I "might want to be open to the possibility of something like a 'social life'." :rolleyes:

Your interaction with the Aldi's person was great! Exactly what I was talking about.

Just some perspective on Chopper. I understand the benefits of a service dog and am not taking anything away from that. But, the difference between talking to the Aldi's guy with him and saying hi to someone without him, while it's real enough, it's also in your head. You feel safer and more confident. His presence doesn't actually affect the that level, it affects your perception of it.

I totally second everything @desiderata310 and @barefoot said!