How Do You Deal With Feelings?

[Reclusive]

Okay, so I failed at sleeping, which was predictable since I slept all of yesterday. I've had a rough week with fights and arguments and personal attacks and therapy and my fiance doing badly. I'm being messed with on another site and I don't know why. I'm feeling so confused and hurt and helpless and I should be angry but I don't know how to be angry anymore. It's just not fair and I want to cry and panic and run in circles but I don't know what to do! I took a sedative already and it's not working and I don't know what or how to channel all this energy or get it processed! And I'd REALLY like to be angry because I should be angry but I can't! Ideas?

 

[KP the nut]

And I'd REALLY like to be angry because I should be angry but I can't! Ideas?

I'm so sorry you are having a tough week. It seems as if life either goes good or bad, no middle ground. I don't do anger/rage, I wish I could. All my life I had to keep my feelings hidden and not to show true emotion. Recently however I have wanted to scream, rant, rage and do damage.

T recommended that I do something, so now whilst driving I have the occassional scream. At first I screamed myself hoarse and swearing, wow I impress myself with the amount of bad language I know. No-one can hear me and it feels so good to let it out. I wish I'd started this months ago.

(((HUGS)))
KP

 

[Reclusive]

How did you learn to feel angry? All I can manage is melting into goo and crying.

 

[KP the nut]

I don't know. I'd done an EMDR session, as usual it was tough, I remembered, thinking I was dead, dying, alone and trapped. Then four days after T, I woke up feeling the most incredible rage. It was so powerful.

I would not worry, I think it will come when the time is right. What does your T think

 

[Reclusive]

My T says I have incredibly low self-esteem problems and don't believe I'm worth fighting for. Which is true, I suppose, but I can't even be angry on behalf of somebody else. I'm all emotional and I probably shouldn't be posting. I just feel so helpless, hurt, upset, betrayed, sad, and worthless and I don't know what to do about it

 

[Reclusive]

I have found a solution at Jack in the Box - jumbo jack, but they forgot my cheese. Still good anyways. I know emotional eating is bad, but I had a really bad morning.

 

[KP the nut]

My T says I have incredibly low self-esteem problems and don't believe I'm worth fighting for.

((((HUGS)))) You are worth fighting for. You are worth loving. Do something nice for yourself everyday this week - I challenge you. Body lotion, a candle, a relaxing bath, sitting watching birds/nature anything no matter how small. Just do it and indulge yourself. Baby steps to loving you.

 

[Heather]

How did you learn to feel angry?

Anger is a secondary emotion any way.... So, I think the fact that you're in touch with your pain is a huge step in the healing process. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel. When you're ready to feel the anger it will come.

I agree with Kath, You are WORTH fighting for!! Absolutely 100%! I'll tell you lastnight I had my place to myself for once (Nicole went rollerskating) and I lit some candles (the place smelled fabulous) and listened to my favorite music. It was GREAT.

A few months I wouldn't of dreamed doing something like that because I didn't think I was worth it. This has been a long time coming with a lot of hard work involved talking it out in therapy....trying to "see" myself as something other than a worthless piece of sh*t. There are days where I still feel that way but it's not everyday anymore and that's where I know I'm making progress

 

[Reclusive]

Thanks to the two of you. I guess I really don't do anything for me for the sake of just doing it anymore. It's a challenge, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

It's weird, but I use to be able to be angry and I really miss it.....

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((((Reclusive)))))))))))

The numbing really causes me to push away any anger I begin to feel...like it pokes it's head out, then goes back into hiding and I can't coax it forward because I'm too afraid the cute sound is attached to a huge raging monster.

I wasn't able to feel it until recently, and then...only when I go 'into the experience' by trying to feel the feelings, sensations of the memory.

...which, who really wants to even *think* about *thinking* about THAT?!

 

[Heather]

It is a challenge. And at times it feels like work at times especially when you're not used to it. When Nicole was an infant I used to put all my energy into her and I neglected myself. Ofcourse I felt like and looked like shit. Then I realized that if I didn't take care of myself first I'd be NO good to her.

I now take care of me. I take the time to "do" my hair, put on make up etc. etc. Every night before I goto bed I spray my sheets with body spray. It took awhile to get use to this but eventually I got into the routine of doing it. I like the way I look and feel when I put the effort into it.

I know you can do it.:)

 

[justwannabeme]

Hey Reclusive..I hear ya'...I am so crap with feelings, new with all this. I am struggling with it, struggled with it, but I didn't know it. Now I know, and it's really hard to figure this out at 51! My anger/frustration turns into rage and it scares me back into my silence. I would desperately love to have a drink to get me started with the whole feeling/communitication thingie, but it would get me started with something I not ready for yet. I have no idea how to make contact with others, never have. It never really bothered me until I started with healing, really healing. I have no idea how I have stayed sober for 24 years, I know the whole one day at a time, but I found myself having yet another meltdown, but this one in a liquor store parking lot. Could taste it, wanted it bad..that I could feel. Been in T for 2 years, weekly at first, then bi-weekly. Then T had an aneurosymn in the summer and I was told he moved....he actually came back in the fall and I have been seeing him every week since, can't believe he lived!!!Inspired me to keep with it, then he gave the PTSD news...dealing with all the feelings and trauma and then the realization that all happy people are't all liars! And there is such a thing as a couple, been married twice, but never a couple. I was told in a meeting once that alcoholics don't have relationship, they hold hostiges.
Lions and tigers and bears...oh my.
It is getting better,
Had a real weird/odd sensation at my last session. The wall (actual) came closer and the color was brillant and it was so cool and he was talking and I could hear him and I was like trying to pay attention and oh f*ck look at the color and it was so odd and cool and almost shed a tear, then I got scared and it all stopped...feelings uuugggg.