How Do You Deal With Feelings?

[The Albatross]

Sounds like a fine deal to me! How do we do this thing?

Well I'm not exactly sure... except that as you get your head wrapped around the sadness and grief tools, share with me. As I get my head wrapped around the tools for anger and rage, I'll share with you. Everyone here can rap us on the knuckles and guide us if we end up in the ditch??? Not much of a plan, I know but it's all I got.

 

[anni]

I don't know if it's helpful, but in being able to find the anger ( still do not much ) it's easier if you can sort of start with accepting just being indignant over something once in awhile. It's different, for some reason and doesn't feel as awful- plus, it's actually THERE when it's supposed to be for some reason! It's an awful lot easier to sort out the why's of it also, since I'm not all off the wall with adrenaline and crushed with shame in the moment. I realize it's not the same thing, but in the abscence of sheer, pure anger over something it does feel like something small along the way there and beats the stuffing out of the whole shame/guilt dynamic which generally is what transpires when you'd THINK you'd be angry.

 

[Reclusive]

I think I might have done that yesterday. I had a nightmare about my dad and his ex-wife. They just got divorced but were together for 10 years, and now she, my step brother and step sister have nothing to do with any of us anymore. Not even a good bye. 10 years as a family and now nothing. And my dad and I are estranged because he attacked my fiance. When she asked for the divorce he kept asking me why I let him marry her, why I didn't warn him. And I would have - but they eloped! I'm not even supposed to know stuff like that, so he shouldn't be asking me.

Anyways... so it drug up all this stuff and I'm still SO angry about it. I never want to see her again, never. Not in real life, not on the internet, not in pictures, and sure as hell not in my nightmares. So I spent all day yesterday listening to Death/Heavy Metal and screaming along with the lyrics. It was really nice to be angry again - and I still feel angry about it.

I'm still probably doing it wrong, but at least there's a spark in there.

 

[Philippa]

Have you guys tried EFT?

I know anthony said that it isn't really the thing for ptsd, but it can be very useful for releasing pent up emotions like anger, rage etc.

I did a fairly intense 'tapping' session last night after work, and I feel tremendous relief today...so much lighter. I highly recommend exploring it as a helpful tool to release difficult or supressed emotions.

It's really easy to learn as well.

 

[Heather]

When I've been really upset and angry I've done the same thing Reclusive. I listen to music and try and drowned out the world. I don't have to think about anything.

 

[anni]

I don't know, if screaming to that music evokes the anger and helps release it I don't see where it would be 'wrong'? Sometimes the head seems to sort of discover things which are positive and helpful all by itself, I think. Just because you didn't make an appointment and write a check for 180 bucks doesn't make it non-therapeutic.

I can never understand the words with these bands any more, although still yell a lot along with Led Zepplin. That's as heavy metal as it ever used to be, so you can see where I am generationally. :)

 

[Reclusive]

I'll have to research EFT more - can you do it solo? I'm willing to try just about anything at this point.

OMG, Heather, the music was so loud my keyboard was shaking. LOL It was good times.

And just so you know, Anni, Led Zepplin was on the list. The guitar rifts in Black Dog get me goin' every time. :P But yeah, there was a lot of stuff I can't understand that was in there, and a few in different languages, but I'm such a sucker for guitar - acoustic, electric, or screaming metal.

 

[Meli]

Heh,

This morning I was inspired by Disturbed on my way home from dropping my son off at school. "Stupify" is the song; I love that one. I also just PC'd Philippa, and in my message I told her that what grounds me.... is music. I prompty came home this morning and pulled up YouTube; plugged in my earphones and listened for an hour. My carer doesn't like the music to be loud, but I have to "turn it up and rip the knobs off", lol. I think what I'm doing is pushing the world away when I do that. I listen to angry music a lot of the time, and my body moves to the drums without my knowledge mostly. I do feel isolated and swept into the music. I physically feel it because it's up soooooo loud it makes my ribs rattle. Listening to angry music that way clears the rage inside of me. You wouldn't think it would do that, but it does. I feel vindicated, therefore able to let it go when I'm done. It's almost as if supporters have rallied behind me, and I can let them take most of my burden of being enraged afterwards.

The only problem with this is that my carer believes that I'm in a "mood" every time I turn on my music, and that's not always the case. I'm a product of the '80s, so metal is in my makeup. I enjoy the hard stuff no matter what mood I'm in, but it is a means of releasing rage when I need it. My diary is titled after a Five Finger Death Punch song; "The Devil's Own". But even they are mild as metal goes. This morning I was listening to Daath. It is hard to figure out what they're saying, but if you find a video of a performance and not just a photo collage on YouTube, you can lip read the lyrics. There are tons of lyrics sites as well, which I use often. Anyway, if you allow yourself to empathize with the singer as if he's telling you his woes, you'll see just how thereuputic the death metal is. If you give this a try though, be forewarned.... this music is not for the faint of heart, the devout Christian, or the generally demure. There is some really black and hateful metal out there; be careful.

Otherwise, I deal with feelings by picking them apart mostly. Anymore, the second I begin to feel something, I ask myself "why". As I look at it in a clinical fashion, most times I can reverse ill feelings by giving myself support and reassurance in silent thought.

I stumbled on this thread, but this topic near the end was perfectly matched to my day today. How odd that life and music do that. I'll have to go back and read more of the original thread.

~Meli

 

[Reclusive]

That's funny, Meli. I remember when I went through my 'angry young man' phase when I was 18. I would listen to angry music, scream my head off, and then when I got out of the car I felt so darned perky. LOL

I have to say, though, that I really understand the lyrics on a personal level a lot more now. Some of it is a bit more horrifying than it used to be, and some of it really hits home now. Forgot to mention that heavy metal can be EXTREMELY triggering, just in case anyone's thinking of trying it. Wade in slowly.

I try to approach my feelings in a rational way, but no matter how I logic it out, my feelings are just like "so? we don't logic". Le sigh.....

 

[Philippa]

I am connected to Anger (and rage)... but not to grief and sadness. It would really be good if I could relax enough to reconnect with that and have a good cry.

We'll move through this and get there Reclusive, hang tough.

I get like this, though perhaps it's because I experienced so much sadness before the diagnosis of ptsd that I just don't have any tears left? I don't think that's really it though...I feel the need to cry so much, but it never seems to come, except if a sad song triggers me or a scene from a movie that is sad...otherwise, it feels like I've been wanting to cry for years and haven't been able to get it out...it just won't come to the surface, but it's there.

 

[Philippa]

I'll have to research EFT more - can you do it solo? I'm willing to try just about anything at this point.

Oh yes, it's totally solo.

My housemate also teaches tapping for kids, if anyone with children is interested in teaching their kids EFT as well, just for general empowerment and releasing difficult emotions in all situations.

 

[Philippa]

This morning I was inspired by Disturbed on my way home from dropping my son off at school. "Stupify" is the song; I love that one.

Hi Meli,

YES. I love that song too, infact I've been meaning to indulge in some Disturbed for a while now...but never seem to remember when I'm at home...you've inspired me, but then, you do that.

I physically feel it because it's up soooooo loud it makes my ribs rattle. Listening to angry music that way clears the rage inside of me. You wouldn't think it would do that, but it does. I feel vindicated, therefore able to let it go when I'm done. It's almost as if supporters have rallied behind me, and I can let them take most of my burden of being enraged afterwards.

I think many people who listen to metal feel the same way. I even flirted with the idea of starting a death metal band with a guy I knew a few years ago, so I could scream. I had the idea to dress up like this frankensteins wife or something...it was ambitious.:D

It never came to pass though, and probably a good thing, since the guy was a junkie.I may not have been too willing to say no back then when I was hurting a lot, though I was determined to get through it without becoming a drug fiend. I've seen how people in pain end up when they take that road, and it ain't pretty. If they don't overdose, they will usually just end up spending years and years in denial only to have to face it all anyway, except now they have to overcome drug addiction as well as all the stuff they tried to escape from.

I always remember, as a kid, before I'd experienced much in the way of trauma, thinking about people who listen to heavy metal music, and to be totally honest, I was kinda judgy and thought that the music is for people who want to abuse themselves, but I came to understand as I grew older that it acted as a catalyst for releasing anger and rage which was stored in the bodies of people who had lived through abuses that I had no experience of, besides emotional abuse, which I'm not discounting...just that, at the time, I wasn't aware of anger in me at all, and felt no reason to get angry...which is a far cry from the person I am today.

I think I need to listen to more metal, and hey, you turned me onto Five finger death punch, and another guy a few years ago that I worked for filled my ipod up with lots of his favourite death metal and heavy metal music...and it saved my life at the time. I think he intuitively knew I was traumatised, and had probably experienced a lot of abuse himself...though he didn't speak about it with me...he was my supervisor after all. It helped a lot though.

It was really interesting actually, as he even said to me one day, "It seems like you are in pain..." and left it open for me to talk to him if I wanted to, but my reaction was to go really quiet and pretend he didn't say it and just not answer. I guess I didn't really know if I could trust him, plus it was in a workplace environment where the general consensus is to not talk about your problems or what's upsetting you...and if I started, I might not be able to stop wailing. No one had noticed up to that point that I was in so much pain, so I didn't really know how to react when he did. Plus, I kinda had a crush on him...he was so quiet and interesting...a little too into computers though...but he was not a people person and neither am I really...I prefer animals. We had that understanding, so it was kinda beautiful.

I never really 'got' death metal music...for years. It just was noise to me, and seemed stupid...but now I think I get it, or at least, I am in a position to understand the effect it can have better. I'm really grateful to him now I come to think of it. He was a prick to me at times, but the music helped.

Anyway, if you allow yourself to empathize with the singer as if he's telling you his woes, you'll see just how thereuputic the death metal is. If you give this a try though, be forewarned.... this music is not for the faint of heart, the devout Christian, or the generally demure. There is some really black and hateful metal out there; be careful.

thanks meli. I think I will give this a go...but yeah, the hate stuff isn't for me. Don't need anything encouraging that side of me to come out.

Otherwise, I deal with feelings by picking them apart mostly. Anymore, the second I begin to feel something, I ask myself "why". As I look at it in a clinical fashion, most times I can reverse ill feelings by giving myself support and reassurance in silent thought.

I used to do this all the time. I don't know why I stopped asking myself why though? I guess that's something to ask why about?