How Do You Get Into Socialising?

[Cool Cat]

I point blank, do not socialise - at all. If I meet one person or group socially in a week then that is it. The closest thing I do to socialising is I work - ALL THE TIME. LinkedIn is the closest thing I have to tinder.

I would love to start hanging out with people and socialising but this is all so unnatural to me.

Anyone here had any success?

 

[Frogs88]

I take night classes, nothing serious, just writing classes and accounting and basically anything I think I could take an interest in. I think things that are creative can be the best bet. Plus I try out groups on meetup and get to see if I find anything interesting or get along with people.

 

[Nam]

Structured gatherings help the most. Book groups, knitting, crafting, or paint and wine, yoga. I don't do the just show up somewhere and start talking thing (bars, house parties, any kind of gathering without an activity). It's hard to do that.

If you want to start small, I'd just go to a tour of something (art museum, historic building, landmark, etc). You're in a group, it's an activity, and there's a beginning and end. I would do more and more of those kinds of things until you feel comfortable in a group. If it doesn't come easily, then there's more work to be done in therapy to ease up on the distrust of people.

I think this is a good thing to explore. But, if you don't truly enjoy it, then I wouldn't force it.

 

[Nighthawk]

I started going to support groups to get over some of my social anxiety. I tend to go to the dog park its about as social as I get.

 

[mrsps]

I struggle with this too! I really don't like social situations but on the other hand would like to have more friends to do social stuff with. I just really struggle with social interaction. My problem is if I went to a night course or a group thing I just go to do what Im there for and don't socialize with anyone. I guess I have such low self esteem I think no one would want to be friends. I get really nervous around people I don't know :(

 

[gone]

If you're in the US (and maybe elsewhere?), meetup.com is an easy way to get started. It's where other likemindeds are arranging to meet up over shared interests—everything from hiking to astronomy to book clubs to PTSD groups.

 

[Anrish]

I have the same problem. I even tried some group activities, but I'm just no good in doing small talk with people. I'm too structured for the most people. The only thing I do is that I go out with a good friend. She's twenty years older and easy to talk with. She knows lots of people and introduces me to them. With her by my side, I feel safe. But as soon as I shall do stuff like this alone, I fail. I'm too scared and don't think too high of myself...I don't have any common interests...and so it's hard to get a conversation running. I still didn't find the right way for me either.

 

[Friday]

Socializing or Friendships?

2 different things. They can blend together, often do (not always by a long shot!), but they really are completely different things. I think this is where a lot of people get jammed up. They go after one, wanting the other (both are valid), and end up discouraged and flat on their face when they realize they don't actually have what they want. So they get hurt, and nuke the whole thing.

 

[gone]

Excellent point @FridayJones!

 

[anthony]

You start small... you get out into groups of similar interest and you start talking with others. In the first year of living in the city I've now made two regular good mates whom I see often, and I'm still looking for more. It is slow, and you shouldn't ever feel pressured to like someone who you really don't click with, but instead have patience but put yourself out there to look. Meetup and such websites are an excellent place to find others with similar interests. Seriously, whatever your interest, even online, you will find others locally to you who are looking to meet people face to face. Exercise, sewing, drinking, eating, you name it that you like, you will find a group. If one doesn't exist in your local area, create one and wait for them to come.

 

[rightkindofme]

I have kind of an insane group of people I am connected with. I don't say "friends" because a lot of them aren't my friends--they are part of my community though.

I've met people through: working theatre, bdsm (kinky sex), Burning Man, different styles of dance events, in schools, through historical reenactment events and mostly through... the internet. I love me some internet.

I have met many thousands of people. On any given month I probably see 3-50 people for what would be considered "socializing". A couple times a year I host parties at my house. They range from 30-150 people.

I home school my kids and I've decided that "socializing" is my part time job. My kids have to be around people who are not like me. They can't spend 100% of their time with someone who is as... odd.. as me. :) That would be incredibly unhealthy. So we spend a lot of time with a home school group we met through meetup.com.

For me, I have to keep in mind that I frequently feel like everyone hates me and no one likes me and I should go eat worms. But the reality is... people show up when I invite them to things. Not every time and not to every thing... people have their own schedules and constraints. But I know enough people that I can be told no by 10 people and still find 5 people to hang out with on any given day. I could have dinner with a different person every night of the month if I had the spoons. I really don't.

I have relentlessly pursued socialization. It has felt necessary to my survival for a long time. I go out even when I feel bad. I take breaks to cry in the bathroom. I'm really good at switching from hysteria to having a "social mask" when I have to around people but there is a cost. I have to pay it later in private so I have to be careful how much I sign up for.

Sometimes when I go out to socialize... I don't actually talk almost at all. I'm aware that people build up comfort and familiarity with people just by seeing them repeatedly. I stand in front of people without talking enough times and then they are more comfortable talking to me. All of a sudden something switched in their brains, "Oh I know you."

How many close friends do I have? Only a few. Rarely more than 2 or 3 at a time including my husband. Those are the people who can hear *anything*. Everyone else I have to filter very carefully so I don't bother people. :-\

 

[moonbeam]

Try MeetUp its for social activities, people with similar interests get together to do stuff. Like walking tours, photography, etc.

I find board games a good way to socialise because it gives us something to do and means if there is luls it doesn't feel awkward. Its a good distraction and allows for different levels of chattyness or socialising. Even if I don't chat with people I still feel like I have been social by doing an activity with others. If um that makes sense.