How Do You Keep Relationships If You Have Bpd?

[Healing Reins]

And is it possible to get over BPD? Like what do I have to do to get over my BPD?

 

[Maggiemay]

*Hugs*

I know a couple of people who have been diagnosed with BPD who are now married, one of which has children. In fact, the therapy I went through 10yrs ago for BPD had a lot of married people with a family. Don't ask me how as I'm diagnosed with BPD but it's not the instability and idealising and devaluing trait often seen in relationships and 'I hate you, don't leave me' tussle and fear of abandonment that gets me, but my inability to have a intimate relationship due to the psychological scars of yrs of childhood sexual abuse :( Urgh! I look at people who are in loving relationships and feel so jealous I can't have that, no matter how hard I've worked in therapy :(. Most of my borderline traits are non-existent ant now compared to 10 yrs ago and I struggle more with PTSD symptoms - I don't self harm/not sundial/can control my anger/don't drop into deep depression etc... Although I still struggle with unstable mood and lack of sense of self - I see myself as my job, not as a person! My self esteem is still very low and I can still be quite black and white in my thought processes, but none on the scale it all used to be... How did I get over it? I think the main contributing factor was going through 18 months of intensive group therapy 5 days a week 9-3 as part of a therapeutic community. It literally saved my life and gave me so many tools to be able to maintain my mental health.... Well until 7yrs later when it all toppled on top of me, I was diagnosed with CPTSD and went through flashback hell for at least 6 months... Been seeing therapist on. And off for 2 1/2 yrs now and am more stable. Lots of work on trauma has helped. One of my friends who's BPD went through a course of DBT and found it incredibly helpful, in particular mindfulness which I've wanted to look into for a while... If you need a fellow BPD sufferer to talk openly to (sadly I've experienced far too much stigma, especially from health professionals who don't get it) feel free to PM me.

Xxx

 

[KwanYingirl]

I am diagnosed with BPD as well as Major Depressive Disorder and Complex PTSD. Symptoms overlap and I resist the BPD diagnosis because of the stigma that is associated with it. That said, I do identify with some of the symptoms: invalidated and poor attachment by parents, impulsive, compulsive, suicidal, abandonment issues. I get along well with people, but avoid intimacy.

I've done DBT and found that very helpful. My therapist has my workbook and he's walking me through it again. I recommend it highly.

I am extremely avoidant. This characteristic has really gotten in the way of progress with my therapy. I dig in my heels and won't move. Very immature. If anyone has any advice or insight of why I'm like that I'd love to hear it.

 

[Running to music]

And is it possible to get over BPD? Like what do I have to do to get over my BPD?

I too have a diagnosis of BPD as well as Major Depressive Disorder & PTSD.

I have been married for 15 years & have 2 beautiful boys.

I have found that DBT has given me coping skills & CPT as well as EMDR have helped me process trauma memories.

In 2 years of therapy I have seen improvement in my relationships.

I have opened up more to others & become less judgmental of myself in this healing journey.

I do see progress in my BPD symptoms becoming less & less.

It's more of getting through BPD for me than getting over it.

Just my experience...

 

[joeylittle]

@Healing Reins , DBT is essential for folks with BPD. Marsha Linnehan developed the skills in DBT based on her own experience as a person with a Borderline diagnosis. Much like PTSD, it's never truly gone (as I understand it) but you can put most of your symptoms into remission.

DBT takes time to learn and practice. Do you know if you have access to any DBT groups in your area?

 

[Chava]

First, I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but relate to everything @KwanYingirl describes (I've suspected at times that I'm somewhere on bpd spectrum, though relate much better to the "unofficial" list of cptsd symptoms). I get along very well with others but avoid intimacy also. I feel like I have a wall around myself often and I find it hard to move in therapy, too, and that I only warm up to people to a point. I have weird, very childish self-other problems at times, like people just stop existing (like really young object constancy stuff) or I do...some conglomeration of trauma and attachment problems, no doubt.

All that being said, I had a load of difficult symptoms when younger. I don't know why or how I wasn't diagnosed with BPD, but specialists were so busy playing whack-a-mole with my dangerous symptoms (eating disorder treatment here, alcohol treatment there). BUT I did improve, pull out of the constant self-destruction and I do have more positive connections. I'm not dealing well with some new body stuff, but it's just another layer I suppose. I manage to reach out vs entirely collapse upon myself.

A friend of mine goes to DBT group and finds it very helpful. I personally like the "group therapy" sort of thing because I feel safer and not like I'll be exposed as having problems...because we all do...so it's much easier to communicate. My thing is 12-step meetings, and the group of people with shared experience has really helped me "be myself" more around others and develop some amount of trust in other humans.

From my understanding, whether BPD, PTSD, or CPTSD, minimizing of symptoms and recovery is possible...and relationships are possible too. None of this comes as fast as I want it though. And it takes work and support and sticking with it. Do you have a therapist you are working with?