How Do You Know?

[trapped]

How do you know if you are doing therapy "right"?

What I mean is, I know therapy can suck. And be painful. Bring up crappy feelings and make symptoms worse for a bit. Where and how do you make the distinction between "normal therapeutic sucky process" and "cruel, unusual, and inhumane torture"? When is it normal for it to suck to the point that you string together 20 cuss words in a row (army brat born and raised and showing thru right there lol) and are provoked to the point of calling your therapist a "butt monkey" (the unsenitive biatch deserved it tonight) and when is it time to find a new therapist?

 

[Heather]

i call my therapist that all the time lol sorry maybe i'm not helping...talking about this shit sucks and it's painful and it brings out all kinds of awful horrible feelings. I've told my therapist that dealing with this shit makes me a nightmare to work with and if he thinks he can handle it any better than he's more than welcome to come over here and sit in my chair and i'll go sit in his! i've thrown my water bottle at him (it was empty), my used kleenex, i've hurled numerous expletives his way...you name it, i've probably called him it. Bottom line THIS SHIT SUCKS!!!!!!!!! And any good therapist knows that....mine does. He takes it all in stride and doesn't say a word when i call him for the 20th time that week. I don't know if this is helping you. You should feel supported by your therapist....not tortured like you stated above, that concerns me but getting angry and saying they're a butt monkey is ok -- i think i may try that one out on mine :) i need a new adjective to insult him with! calling him a douche bag is getting old. take care Heather

 

[deer_in_headlights]

I guess I'm the opposite.

I don't really see the point in calling the people who care about me the most, and want to see me healthy, horrible names.
Yes, therapy can get frickin hard... the most difficult work that can be done, dredging through the cesspools of trauma.

It's bad enough to be in the stink ourselves, but to swear at the people who are trying to get us out of the mess we're in? Maybe because I used to be in rescue, and I know how (expletive) difficult it is to extract people out of horrible circumstances that happened to them, or they got themselves into; and now I have to work my butt off and risk my own life to save them.

My heart and concern is more with the well-being of my therapists than with myself...

Yeah, it's hard... but don't you want your Ts to be working with you for the long haul, rather than be worn down by your abuse?
If you want to get mad, curse the (jerks) who caused the trauma in the first place. Why be abusive to the ones helping you?

yeah, yeah.. I'm not going to hit you or abuse you, so now you'll probably call me a butt-monkey and douchebag... but you really might want to look at the REAL source of the problem, (unless it scares you too much) and not those trying to help you... even if in the helping it brings up pain....
Or you can just quit therapy, and be really crippled for life...

I guess from my own history of being abused, it really upsets me to see innocent, helping people get abused by angry people misdirecting their anger onto helpers. Therapists are living, breathing, decent human beings who deserve our respect and working with them; they don't deserve being torn down...

Sorry, I'll step off my soapbox and go into a corner to quietly suck my thumb and despair and wonder if there are any gentle, respectful, considerate human beings left on this planet...

 

[intothelight]

This is different for me to read. But it seems the route my therapy is taking is very different from many who are here. I am not doing trauma work at this time. My therapist and I are working on getting me strong enough to handle daily life and then the trauma, when and if that time comes.

My therapist is my partner and my coach. If your therapist is making you angry, unless you are working on managing anger, it may not be a good relationship.

Just a thought.

Deb

 

[KP the nut]

My heart and concern is more with the well-being of my therapists than with myself...

I totally agree. I would never swear at anyone except the truck driver who caused my PTSD and as I've never met him that won't happen.
I think being a T must be hell, how can they switch off after listening to all the crap. Mine is great, always calm. I'm lucky with this T. It hasn't always, you need to find someone you can trust.
Try to respect others, they are trying to help. Be cross at who caused this.

and wonder if there are any gentle, respectful, considerate human beings left on this planet...

Loads of us Deer:)
Sorry Trapped, have you told your T he is torturing you, making it worse. You may be surprised at the responce.
Hang in or find a new T
Peace
KP

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((((((KP))))))))))))

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Just realized why this thread affected me so badly... I was helping someone who had been abused. I was very gentle and caring, and she aimed her cannon of anger and abuse at me in ways I won't discuss here. I thought I would be protected by the group I was in, but wasn't, and ended up miscarrying the baby I was... (sorry)...

You have no idea what can happen to the spirit and body of the calm-faced professional that receives too much anger and abuse...

 

[trapped]

Thanks guys... the responses helped a lot, I think I'm gonna find a new T.

Cuz yeah, I've told her how I feel- EVERY week at the beginning and end of the session- I'll remind her what we talked about last week about doing things differently (i.e. not talking about me seeing people bleeding out from a gunshot and pushing me for "more details, more details" all the way to the last second of therapy), but we never seem to find that "differently" solution... and when I say I can't talk about something any more, she'll reply with something like "you need to"... yeah, I know I need to. But when I already struggle with daily coping skills outside the realm of the anorexic mindset and am fighting to hold on to my life and not end up in the hospital AGAIN this week and just getting water past my lips has been a struggle recently, does she REALLY think the trauma is the first priority? Cuz I don't. And I've told her.

Hell, last night, part of what caused me to lash out at her (because I don't usually lash out like that at my T) was telling her it was NOT safe for me to come home, that after what we talked about I was feeling so disconnected, retraumatized, and fragile, that the only way I knew to cope was to come home and cut. Deep. That we hadn't planned for what I'm doing tonight (new years eve, filled with lots of triggers) and that I'd cut, probably drink myself into a coma, and not be okay without some other better, safer, plan. Her response to me telling her I wasn't really safe was "well, just try to not hurt yourself, if you do we can talk about it next time I suppose" (now if all my cuts in the past had been superficial, and that was all she was worried about, I'd understand that response... her knowing that my cuts have required muscle and tendon repair surgeries, and her knowing that I haven't been eating much at all recently and my doctors have said I can't drink even one drink tonight cuz they are worried of its effects on me, I just felt like it was almost like she was saying "actually, if you do successfully hurt yourself, that'd be nice, I could use the break" yeah, I know it's not what she was saying, but it felt like it.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((Trapped)))))))))

I know the pain of not being heard at the depth of the thrashing inside... it hurts... I'm sorry...

Yes, a new T, especially one who understands cutting, drinking, and other self-destructive ways of coping with pain would be really helpful for you! I don't blame you for feeling angry and upset. You're in a very dangerous situation, and need effective help ASAP.

I hope you can avoid as many triggers as possible, tonight... I'm worried about you (((((((((((Trapped)))))))))
Love,
Deer

 

[Heather]

Yes, after reading all the other posts it sounds like you need a new therapist. my therapist NEVER ever pushes me to talk about things that i am not comfortable with...and he understands that if i call him names that it's me just venting and he doesn't take it personally. take care of yourself

 

[KP the nut]

(((((Deer))))

, and ended up miscarrying the baby I was... (sorry)...

So sorry
KP

 

[KP the nut]

(((Trapped)))
A new T may help but remember it is not you who has failed. You are brave to admit it is not right for you. Good luck with a new T.
Take care of yourself
KP