How Do You Stand Prolonged Eye Contact?

[GodSeeker]

Can you stand somebody who is staring at you persistenly?

"The eyes are the windows of the soul" we have heard and I heard someone say that "the eye is a prolongation of the brain" meaning that there is no intermediate structure between the eye and the brain and maybe that is why I am so sensitive when somebody stares at me.

It is really a very difficult situation when somebody is looking at me persistently. I don't know how some people find it funny or normal to be staring at other people's eyes as if they were some objects...It is like you are being an object of observation.

We instinctly drop our eyes when we are looking for too long in somebody's eyes but there is people who litteraly INVADE you with their eyes and keep looking at you and you wonder what you will do next? :think: Ask him why is he looking at you, shout at him or hit him with something :stupid:. Really It makes me mad of anger...:mad:

 

[Tiger Kitten]

I personally tell them either "take a picture it lasts longer", or I smile and say, "I'm not going to do any tricks today." Sometimes I stare back at them. Sometimes I make a really childish nah nah nah face at them. It really just depends on who the person that is staring at me is and the situation I am in. Usually if I say something silly they stop it. If you stare back at them, they usually get uncomfortable and look away. If you make a face at them, it makes them laugh and they usually quit staring.

I am pretty sure there are other ways of dealing with staring people, but I find that it doesn't bother me so much if I have a little fun with it.

Tiger

 

[Farine]

Hey Godseeker,

In the animal kingdom (cats and dogs and so forth).. prolonged eye contact is viewed as aggression. I think that may be where some of your emotions are kicking in. It's rude.. aka it's breaking rules put there for good reason. I like Tiger's reaction. It's useful AND fun. Very cool combination.

I usually find I don't have any reason to do the 'one-upsmanship' and drop eye contact whenever I want. I don't view it as a game and I don't care who wins and loses unless it's my kids and they are misbehaving. If it's an authority thing and someone's trying to do that 'I'm in charge' crap, then I really take a good, stern look at the relationship. A long time ago, I had to look at the knee jerk way I was raised to view authority. I no longer blindly follow ANYONE.

 

[Marlene]

I can't handle prolonged eye-contact. Never had, never will. It's been especially bad since the PTSD monster jumped me. I rarely initiate eye-contact.

Lisa

 

[Grama-Herc]

It is a wonder I don't bump into things. I walk with my eyes looking down, always have. Never put it together with the eye contact issue.

I don't look at people when out in the world. Just walk along looking at the ground mostly, or else the merchandise in the store, etc-

 

[rjtransient]

Yeah, who's doing the staring?

I stare back, especially around authority figures, unless it's in my best interests to pretend to be so very intimidated. If it's a stranger, I'll either ignore them or shout, "Hi! Do I know you?" Friendliness catches them off guard. You can also unnerve them by staring 'through' them without actually making eye contact. Stare intently at a point in the distance just beyond their shoulder. (Of course, if it's a stranger who might potentially mug me, that's a different story -- again, I just look away.)

If they're in close proximity and I don't feel like taking the bait, I can start examining my fingernails or checking out stuff in the surroundings and hope that they'll get the point.

Or lean back, temple my fingers, close my eyes, and pretend to be deep in thought.

 

[Deleted member 541]

It used to bother me, but not anymore.....I actually engage people to look at my eyes now, and I look back. Not looking at someone is a sign of guilt, and I certainly have no guilt when talking to someone....

 

[GodSeeker]

Hey Godseeker,

In the animal kingdom (cats and dogs and so forth).. prolonged eye contact is viewed as aggression. I think that may be where some of your emotions are kicking in. It's rude.. aka it's breaking rules put there for good reason. I like Tiger's reaction. It's useful AND fun. Very cool combination.

I usually find I don't have any reason to do the 'one-upsmanship' and drop eye contact whenever I want. I don't view it as a game and I don't care who wins and loses unless it's my kids and they are misbehaving. If it's an authority thing and someone's trying to do that 'I'm in charge' crap, then I really take a good, stern look at the relationship. A long time ago, I had to look at the knee jerk way I was raised to view authority. I no longer blindly follow ANYONE.

This is an interesting interpretation. And I am sure that animals, including human beings, look into each others eyes by instinct, as a mean to know who the other animal is, if he might be a threat, etc...But this automatic reaction, I think, does never last for long time for it is not intentional but instinctual; they instantly drop their eyes to look at something else. If the stare does persist, then it is intentionnal and that is interpreted as sign of agression. This is the sort of eye contact I am talking about.

The other, the instinctual, the normal eye contact, does not bother me a bit. For example, when teaching a group of students, I do look at them if I am being explaining something to them or when asking them questions, and I often figure out that the student had not understood what I was exlpaining to him just by looking at his face. But all this is not intentional, I mean, it is part of my daily profession and never caused me any trouble.

 

[Farine]

Heyyy Godseeker,

I'm glad that you found something useful. I certainly did from everyone's responses. COOL topic. Thanks for posting it. Now, I hope to have a better response the next time someone tries to mess with my head with staring! GO ME!

 

[anni]

Yes, I don't look at other people much when I'm out. I've gotten incredibly good at not looking at the ground( mostly-I used to and sometimes still do ) but not quite looking at other people, either.

GS, it is really, really incredibly rude for someone to stare. It just is. When I'm up to it, I 'channel' my mother, meaning she has this 'look' which could flatten a building. She tilts her chin up a tad, gets this little smile on her face and raises an eyebrow. It's really hard to describe but boy, if it could be packaged they could do away with the entire military. I can't pull it off quite as well, but it works awfully well.

 

[Abrasky]

I get this too. I found out I had developed a fear of being close to people. I couldn't look my baby son in the eye. So I got councelling and got a few memories back. Since I got the memories back, I can do lots of things to get close to people again like look at people in the eye and feel comfortable, I do not do the things that annoy other people so I can push them away like I used to, not be irritating to push people away. I can talk to other people about things other than the weather. I got it from being emotionally close to my dad, then he sexually abused me, so I swore off being close to people ever again. I wasn't able to close again until I was 32. It is in my case pretty understandable why you think close = badness and abuse when your a 9 year old. It;s about trusting people again I think.

 

[Jeremiah Johnson]

You know it is absolutely uncanny how these symptoms are shared between us survivors. I so know what you are talking about. Thankfully after 3-4 years since the event it is finally releasing a little bit although I still have my bad moments. My main problem is that I have a family member who is a trigger for me and every time he looks at me my brain goes into fits as his eyes are so much like the perpetrators. Just sheer sheer coincidence. I have to look away as I will start sometimes to hallucinate mildly and the identity of the person seems to be confused even though I know who he is of course.

I have had so many strange situations develop when dealing with other men as men are particularly sensitive to how we look at each other - something I never realized before as it is an unconscious dance that occurs as we interact. Some have gotten downright pissed or some just look confused - guys are very sensitive to when another guy is acting a little odd, any guy reading that sentence knows what I am talking about. Two lions better have a reason to maintain eye contact - and it used to be that my mind would freeze up when someone would look at me and I unknowingly would stare back or do the opposite and just look constantly away. It can happen with women or me but mostly with men. I had lost my natural eye movement. But that symptom has started going away thankfully. This is a direct relation to my main ptsd event when this sick individual stared at me and did his pedophilia crazy "dance of death", to shorten the story ;)