How Do You Start Trusting More People?

[Pandoras3of9]

I have burned more bridges than the Germans in WW2. I can't help but pick up on every deceptive act someone tries to pass on me. I get stuck on this principle of honesty. I'm so honest it confuses people as it captures their hearts. I guess part of me fears the unknown evil that people are capable of. When everyday people take up arms to kill I can't help but think the same can happen here. My stressor is combat related by the way. Has anyone else had better success overcoming trust issues?

 

[Xenu]

This is a tough one for me too, because its just so difficult for me to show any sort of vulnerability. Its destroyed a friendship because I never revealed my abuse and by the time its affects became apparent, I had way too much explaining to do. Trust is difficult for us because its comes with the risk of being hurt again, and that can be incredibly difficult for a trauma survivor.

 

[Lisa]

Pandoras3of9 ... I relate!!!

Trust is something that I don't think can be given in one lump. Rather, it's like an edging forward process; you give a little more as you feel it is earned.

I made the huge mistake of trusting my last therapist only to a degree... I went as far as I dared, but at some point, I wouldn't go any further. After it ended, I realised he had put a lot more effort, trust, and time into me and I hadn't returned the level of trustworthiness that he gave in a deserved trust giving measure. At some point, I simply stood firmly where I was and refused to make that leap of faith that is always required.

Don't over trust... that's dangerous. But completely distrusting somebody, when they have displayed and demonstrated trustworthiness, is also not good.

Best thing I can say is trust your instincts as well as logic, be mindful, wary, and aware... and test in safe small measures to begin with. Start with giving what you don't mind losing? And give it time. I'm having to do the same... so you're not alone.

 

[Pandoras3of9]

Thanks Lisa. I've been on the fence with my therapist. I believe I will tell him everything. There are confounding issues with my ptsd and my military career. But he deserves my trust because he helped me so much before.

 

[suzie q]

Trust for me is not about trusting others anymore. Trust is about trusting myself in spite of what others "may do to me". I must trust myself and not care what others choose to do with my trust, whether it be staying honest with me or spitting in my face. I try not to put myself into emotional situations where offering my trust will cause me to have pain or dislike myself. (self esteem)

I must allow others to be just what they are, human beings,with the ability to hurt others by their choices. Remember, breaking trust is a complicated situation with two sides to every problem. Not to forgive the other for being human is where I struggle.

 

[Pandoras3of9]

I hear if you qualify trust it makes it easier. For instance, loosing your trust in a friend regarding money, as opposed to loosing trust regarding secrets.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think you trust (or don't) people with certain things: trust one to be honest (eg. not steal), trust another's competency, trust another to tell the truth, etc.

But I think if you no longer trust someone you question all areas.