• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

How do you stop being so hard on youself?

Status
Not open for further replies.
@Ms Spock I can only speak for myself but I have found a process addiction that was feeding the abuse trauma and keeping it alive,

I have done many years of therapy and yet I am the one who caught this and put a stop to it.

Can you think of any ways that you may be keeping the trauma alive?

Mine was another form of abuse specific repetition compulsion and I had to struggle to end it because it had become an ingrained behavior....

.....I am just throwing this out there in hopes that it will somehow help you!!!

You are awesome @Ms Spock don't let anyone tell you different, not even you, ok?

Peace, hugs, and prayers,
Lion
 
@Lionheart777 I am now working on reframing the ways in which I pick on myself and tell myself stories that I should be better. I need to jump on past and future ruminations. It will be a lot of work but I can do it and I really did work on this yesterday. I did lots of slipping and sliding backwards but I kept bringing things in to my awareness.
 
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/cognitive-behavioral-therapy.85804/

CBT is often performed from 10 – 12 sessions, though can go for years if the trauma is of a more complex nature. Beyond this, something is wrong; either the patient isn’t working hard enough, or the therapist isn’t delivering and pushing the patient to work hard enough. One or the other is at fault beyond this time frame.

This is what I am talking about that those with Complex Trauma - that it can takes years with CBT - and so other things are required as well. I am certainly working very hard, and though I some psychologists that were most abusive and exploitative when I was younger I am now seeing someone with very good skills indeed.

I have Complex Trauma, Dissociation, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and a severe attachment disorder - so I need to work harder than the average person to make gains. I am prepared to do the work and I have made significant games. But I needed to branch out and do a whole range of things to assist in my healing.

Now I may not be doing the CBT to a high enough level at this time - I am always needing to learn more about CBT - but the above quote does mention that if you have Complex Trauma treatment can go for years. I do fall into that category. I am currently doing activities that have me at an extreme level of anxiety, suicidal ideation and highly disrupted sleep and a few other symptoms. I haven't given up what I am doing despite dealing with a challenging supervising teacher who talked all the way through my classes. I appreciate your challenging my distorted thinking in my diary - I really needed that and as a friend I appreciate that. But there are other arenas that need to be looked at as well.

I hope that makes sense.
 
Exactly right @Ms Spock . With complex trauma, literally anything coming into our sight lines can be triggering. We are fragile indeed. I had a therapist that kept throwing workbooks at me but they just triggered the hell out of me. My new therapist has gently introduced other healing practices that have been very effective. I still get very anxious when it's therapy day. That is what complex trauma dies. It permeates everything. To the point that I can't always determine what is safe. I am terrified of being exposed and vulnerable because my grasp on self esteem is minimal. There is no such thing as 'one size fits all' when it comes to working through complex trauma. Especially if it started in childhood. You have compassion and insight that you need to offer yourself. Yes you are working very hard and I believe that it will pay off for you. Namaste.
 
I have done a lot of work on CBT and other modalities - but there is extra stuff that I need to do on top of that, that was what I was unsuccessfully trying to explain. But it did get me back reading David Burns again, and that has been helpful. I am willing to try anything - I am even being kind to myself which never looked like it would every happen. So sorry for the confusion I am very tired at the moment.
 
Are you trying too hard?

You are going through a challenging period that you have deemed worthy of your resources...but it means your resources are running on low. Now is the time to allow your energy to go where you have decided to and choose minimal items for your limited remaining energy.

For me I would choose to use my energy only for things I know have helped me in the past and not use my energy looking for new things, trying new things or practicing things that don't help "yet"

Just thoughts.
 
It has come to my attention that I need to do a whole CBT retool with my brain @The Albatross. I am slipping into ruminations and thought loops. So about a week from today when all my work has been submitted, and I have disco danced and celebrated making it through this whole thing I will go back to basics with David Burns and restart teaching myself DBT. I will do some Challenges again on Mindfulness and Self Compassion. I will get back into it all.

I wasn't meaning to be difficult there is other stuff I need to do on top of the CBT and DBT Alba - sometimes it is not easy to explain things.
 
I realise that to stop being so hard on myself I actually need to turn up - if I am dissociated, stuck in one of those other states, what goes on in the background is not accessible to me. So to stop being so hard on myself I have to turn up, be present and jump on my ruminations constantly, like every minute or so. I am prepared to do the work.

I held it together today and I managed to hold my own in the situation, and suddenly I was there, and I realised that a mistake I made was to not turn up - sure my body was there but I was dissociated a lot of the time. I checked out because of being bullied, and being made to feel unwelcome. Okay full marks to myself for physically turning up, so the next thing is to turn up emotionally, intellectually, etc - so that is the next level of healing for me. To be present with people, in this now, in this time and to notice what is going on rather than doing head miles or ruminations about things. I ruminated on this situation much more than I did actually taking action, that was where I fell down, but I am still really proud of myself for turning up to the situation. A personal best for me. This was very painful, it was really hard, I dealt with a huge array of stressors and a few triggers, but I kept going, except when I took a few days off - to prevent an unfortunate manner.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top