Relationship How Do You Support Someone With Ptsd??

[Finnersmom]

I need help! Long story short, my fiance and I were in Mexico in early January where he was drugged at our hotel pool bar. He woke up in a car with a bag over his head and a gun pointed at him. He was gone for several hours but was eventually returned to the room physically unharmed.

He is being treated for PTSD (via counselling) and is trying to cope with life by locking himself away in his office and avoiding everything. He is very withdrawn, angry, scared, nightmares etc all of the expected symptoms of PTSD.

I am really at a loss for how to help him. I'm trying to support him as best as possible but he is very withdrawn and angry which is causing us to fight/makes me feel unwanted and pushed away. I'm not trying to be selfish at all but don't know how to cope because I also was in Mexico searching for him when he was missing, I remember the things that he doesn't that night (when he was returned to the room and what state he was in).

I don't know how to help him and I don't know how to cope myself. We are both seeing individual counsellors but there's really no help for me to help him... As a result he left / broke up with me on Wednesday night. He told me that he couldn't keep hurting me so he needed to move out. So he left the house. I didn't know where he went, I was at a complete loss. I eventually found out that he was at a friend's place where he still is 5 days later.

I saw him for the first time today and we talked. We are trying to decide what to do - I want him to come back home and for us to try and maintain our relationship but in a very different way. I don't know if he is going to or not- he said he needed two days to think about it.

Anyone else going through or have gone through something similar?

 

[Chris516]

By being there for them, when they are ready.

 

[Meg_porter94]

When I was engaged, and I was going through all of my stuff. My fiancee was still there for me. He just learned how to back off a little when I needed to be left alone. When I was ready I would come to him. He told me that it was really hard to sit and watch me go through what I had to go through.

What he finally ended up doing was sitting down with me and explaining what he was going through watching me go through what I was going through. I then had the opportunity to go into more detail about what I was going through, and explain to him what would and wouldn't help.

Like you we were fighting a lot through out it. It's really really hard on both ends. But all you can really do is just be there for him. Not really push him into doing things that he doesn't want to do on his own. (Unless it is a life and death choice) He won't want to do anything unless he is willing to do it on his own. It won't help if you push and push. Normally saying it once when they are in a decent mood may or may not help. Basically if you keep trying you will be walking on eggshells for a while. But I am sure if he is the one, it will be worth it.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

That is a difficult question to answer for me, but I think the thing that has helped me most is like stated above.. I have to occasionally take the time to process and face shit. That involves some unhappy places and its easiest to face alone.. just like alone it is my weight to carry. After the fact, I can share insight, but it does require time and is much easier when your envioronment is supportive and understanding if that. He might be trying to "run away".. the truth being so painful I think a lot of people are guilty of that via self medication. Has he gotten on medication yet? (This also can take years of trial and error at least in my case to get something agreeable) Just reassure you are there when he needs you. And have you looked into couples therapy?

I'd also be willing to bet he feels a horrible sense of lack of control in his life and over his intense emotions now, probably scares him. Sadly when things get stuffed they occasionally get projected onto others as well and I have been guilty of being blind to how much I have let it affect my actions. Maybe he just needs some time.. hope your both journaling and sending prayers.

 

[BLHutch]

I was in a really bad, dark place and my wife helped me see the light. She sat me down and told me that she understood that she couldn't fix me and that it was okay for me to admit that I needed help. She also got my father to talk to me about seeking help (he also has PTSD) and the two of them convinced me that admitting that I needed help didn't make me weak.

I guess my situation is a little different though because I experienced these traumas while working as a police officer and firefighter and my wife was around when I went through the original event. When I had to leave law enforcement due to my back this past summer is when things got really bad for me.

I can't really give you any good advice since it is specific to the individual. Just try to be there when he wants to talk. And whatever you do, don't try to force him to talk to you. Odds are that would just push him further away. It is a very good thing that you are both talking to a counselor. I took my wife with me to a session every now and then (my therapist said it was ok).