How do you talk to your T about your story?

[Sweetisabelle]

My T and I have been working together for atleast 5 months now. I feel like I’ve really begun to always myself to take small risks and trust someone and allow myself the opportunity to see that by reaching out I won’t alwaya get shushed.

Anyways last week we’ve decided that I can start processing some of the truama stuff. For a while we were being very careful not to go in too far, but due to a change in my life we have decided that it is okay and safe for me to explore and process the abuse.

The thing is, I don’t know where to start. I go blank. I can’t put words together. Last week we just put our toes in the water, but even with that when he asked me about what I wanted to share all I could say was “I don’t know”. He offered to ask questions and that helped a lot to get me going.

The thing is, we barely even touched on things. There are so many shameful horrific memory that I have, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to get it out. There is so much I want to get off my chest, and share and process. Idk why but I feel like I need to tell someone, I feel like I need someone to sit with me through this pain, while hearing about all these things that make me feel like hell.

But I become speechless, frozen and scared. That makes me feel like things will never get better

 

[Teamwork]

Whenever there is a lot there, it gets jammed up. I got a really strong sense from what you wrote that you’ve done a lot of the beginning stuff, like create safety, learn some regulation skills and a good connection with the t. Be patient. Keep building the surrounding skills, because once the dam, so to speak unclogs you will need the skills to help you process and move through. Its okay that not much is being said. Start at the place of reassuring yourself you do want to talk about it and have just not found a safe starting spot. Keep asking yourself if there was one thing you could say what would it be and let that out. This stuff, needs time, patience and an attitude of what comes up in the moment, that piece we will deal with. Sometimes I wish we had built more skills before we started with the trauma work as there are times when I’m completely undone by things that happened and are over with but haunt my daily life.

 

[TTC18]

Do you journal? Have a diary on here or anywhere? I've written a lot here, and it made it easier to talk about stuff to my T.

 

[piratelady]

Personally, in my experience, starting small is best. A trickle, verses releasing the dam. I often have my therapist ask me questions or I start with just the topic (I call them incidents) and then he guides the conversation from there. It takes some of the pressure off of me as far as what to say, how to say it, not to mention all of the emotions that go along with it. Once you get started, it will get easier though.

 

[grit]

similar boat here.
do you have a long and persistent childhood trauma? are you overwhelmed because it is long and deep story.

I only ask because basically I was gaslighted since I was in the womb I would think so I do not have a particular day trauma that I can say well that day when I was on the beach with my mother. NONE.

I have a continues and long syndrome so I feel I will probably will never remember anything but as long as I can get the feeling out of my body into my mouth and able to share it with my therapist, I may be fine. Making lemonade out of old and shriveled lemon that has no shape anymore.

I am very curious to see how you progress on this. Please do share and I truly hope you are OK going that deep.