How Do You Write Within Forum Guidelines And Stay Connected To Your Authenticity?

[lostforgottensoul]

@Mal Content when I joined I very much remember "you can swear, we have a filter" and i remember thinking "thank f*cking god!" Lol

 

[joeylittle]

Lots of smart responses here.

What I try and remember, in any mental health group - is that most of the time, peoples' shit is about themselves. Including my own. So if I am frustrated, or angry, or righteously indignant about something someone says - I take a mental step back and consider the source. Are they aware of what they are saying? And how much do I want to invest in rebuttal?

It's a quick mental process for me, but helps me not pick up other people's baggage.

But as far as being civil goes - that's all about respect. It's not hard to respect the right that everyone has - the right to think their own thoughts - even thoughts I disagree with. I just decide to give people that respect. Doesn't cost me anything.

If someone is determined to be full of bull, repeatedly, to the point where it's clear that they are only trolling: then, no more respect. Otherwise, respect.

 

[Nevermore]

Saetva! I could hug you for your comment. How do you? I love the comparison to an opera singer, wish I could copy that quote but I'm not savvy that way.
I think we all struggle in that way. Politeness is to cope with the enormity of it all. You have your own pain but then you realise - so do they. And so you step lightly.
And it's all s bit deadening as you never feel heard.
Welcome to the world of Internet connecting!
In the real world I know I for one appreciate the courage people take when they step out on their own to say - whatever they need to!
It's connecting. It's real. It makes you feel closer.
But I don't think it works on the Internet!!
It has its limitations )-;

 

[Friday]

My family has a saying : You don't have to lie, but you don't have to run around shouting the truth, either.

 

[Sideways]

If someone says something that I find hurtful on a personal level, it's ok that I feel hurt. And I can go ahead and rage around my apartment expressing that hurt. All good.

But if I respond in kind, with a personal attack - it's not personal. This is the net. There are other readers who are going to bear witness to the abusive dialogue going on. So how much is it really worth to me, having some person I never met & never will, knowing I'm angry? Maybe I get a bit of validation from that...probably not much.

But for all the other readers, who weren't personally involved, reading that abusive language being hurled around - this forum just became a whole lot less safe for them to stick their head out & express themselves. It's hard enough to post what you feel in a forum that feels safe. The moment this place becomes unsafe, it loses it's most essential value. That's what the cost would be if I engage in that abuse.

Is my personal tiny "win" worth sacrificing that sense of safety for me and everyone else? No. So I get angry on my own behalf, but I keep that anger out of the place that I want to keep safe.

 

[Neverthesame]

This exact thing has come up for me over the last month or so.

I try to remind myself that this ultimately is the Internet. I can be right 100% and odds are someone will still argue with anything they want to, because reasons.

I don't have to be right. I don't feel the need to convince anyone of anything.

Now I know I forgot this a couple of times this month. Fortunately I caught myself before I got carried away. This has been the same in my actual real life as well. Stress is getting to me I guess. Either way, it's not something I should be bringing to other people's threads. So I have stepped back a bit, before I got to the point where I felt like I needed to block anyone. Lots of awesome people here, even the ones that piss me off usually have a lot of great qualities outside of that one thing.

Mainly I just try to remember that I am not here to fix people, or me necessarily. I can choose to be a positive person, or negative. I prefer to be positive. At any rate, that is what I try to do.

I don't think it's disingenuous to choose a filter for ones own self. I just try to remember that I'm just some guy, trying to sort out the shit in his head. If I can't think of anything nice to say, I usually just don't. The world won't stop spinning because I didn't get my input in.

That and I never learned anything from flapping my gums. Ha.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Another great thing to remember is we are all suffering in our own way and trying to get to this place called recovery in our own way.

Its already easy to missinderstand intent in written word, I think even more so when someone is having a hard day or timeframe.

Its helped me to remember that everyone, including staff, have hard days and not to take whats said so personal.

Ive forever had that conversation with my therapist, including today. "Its not necessarly you or about you, what are they going through today?" has been the best statement and question my therapist has said, and its a good thing to ask yourself before responding/reacting.

And the best thing my therapist has ever written on the back of one of his business cards which is on my fridge (and it applies everywhere) says "What ever anyone thinks of me is none of my business".

Take what helps and leave the rest is probably the best continued statement on here!

 

[Nevermore]

For example, this thread! I can't tell you how many times I've commented or tried to be helpful and my comment gets no likes or even no recognition most of the time.
In reality and actual fact, it hurts!
I don't know anyone here in real life so what does it really mean? Probsbly not much.
But still - it hurts.
Maybe thd real lesson - for me anyway - is get of thd &"&$ Internet!!
I don't know the rules here. It's actually made me lose confidence. I think I do better in real life
Anyway just saying the Internet is not real life and never will be!!

 

[Suzetig]

I think this can be a real tension for me, there are times when I disagree with something posted or feel pissed off at something I read here and scroll right past. I don't need to respond to everything and indeed don't have the time or energy to. There are other times when I will, maybe because I feel strongly about the issue, feel I've got something to add to the debate or sometimes just because I've got the time to give.

One of the things that I do struggle with here is my belief that being supportive doesn't necessarily mean being in agreement with, petting or praising others. There are times when the most supportive thing someone can do is to disagree, explore or challenge another persons thinking. I value the people in my life who do that for me and there are times I'll try to do that here - with varying results. I'm not sure thats the case for others, who might experience challenge as attack where that isn't intended.

I suppose that's to be expected on a mental health forum where we are all in different places on any given day. The question then for me is whether I adjust my way of being to meet someone else's need or expectation or whether I remain true to myself. In my daily life I'm opinionated, straightforward, a bit sweary and fairly direct, it would be impossible for me to be something different here. I hope that I'm respectful of others though, even when strongly disagreeing with them.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@jojo88 :hug: (i had to see which one you were, theres a jojo81 too ;))

 

[lostforgottensoul]

There are times when the most supportive thing someone can do is to disagree, explore or challenge another persons thinking.

That's 100% what I personally need; though I think what most don't get is the 'part' of me fighting back is the 'programmed' part. I, me inside myself, tumbles everything around a million times until I can make sense of it and try hard to apply it, or ask more questions about it.

It's the consenquence of my childhood, and its something that cant be helped at the moment.

So I guess to apply this to the thread to not take it off topic, dont always assume that a person's first knee jerk reaction/reply means they are fighting your words of wisdom or of a more clear view or help. They might be able to apply exactly what you said days or even weeks later.

Im still tumbling around things said to me weeks ago, a few things months ago, and very few but some a few years ago.

 

[anthony]

Anyway just saying the Internet is not real life and never will be!

Not sure on this one. I think the Internet is real life... if anything, you find more real life online than you do in actual person to person contact. People express themselves far more than they ever do in person. So maybe real life is exactly the internet, and it gives people a way to be who they are without the personal blowback.

Yes, then you have problems, such as people pretending to be someone that they aren't, trolls, liars, so forth. They all exist in personal lives too... its just easier for them online and they have broader reach.