How Does Someone Make You Feel Alone?

[Flossy]

For me, when my needs are being met, or at least seen as important, I dont feel I am alone when I am with my partner. I feel alone if he is not meeting my needs or not doing anything when I talk about what I need or tell him.

I think someone can make you feel alone when you don't feel valued. Feeling alone when you are alone brings with it a normal sense of self and self reliance. It's a natural state. Feeling alone when you are with a partner is not a natural state. It's 'worse than' being alone. If it's seldom, that is acceptable and reasonable, if it's often, that's not. That's just how I see it.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Oh weird @Anarchy. Did you notice the duck looks angry but the bunny looks sweet? (JMH...

Oh my gosh HILARIOUS.. I don't get it.. But it's awesome!! @Anarchy @ground crew

 

[iwannadeletethis]

For me, when my needs are being met, or at least seen as important, I dont feel I am alone when I am with...

That sounds like practical and lovely insight!! I appreciate it. I'm an absolute mess when I'm unemployed. i just hope I don't still feel this way after I can start paying rent again. 1st pay checks this week!! :)

 

[Anarchy]

Good, you've seen the duck/rabbit/cleverly drawn lines on paper.

It's amazing that our minds can make three or more valid interpretations from a collection of dots of light on a screen.

Your guy's behaviour (which comes across as pretty shitty) is getting stuffed into your mind's pigeon hole (or duck hole or rabbit hole) for oh shite, I'm alone. Just hoping that this helps you to keep the feelings that are in headspace under control while you do the practical shit in meatspace of finding an escape route.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Good, you've seen the duck/rabbit/cleverly drawn lines on paper.

It's amazing that our minds can make t...

Wait.. What does the pigeon hole thing mean? Like he's clogging up my thoughts?

 

[ground crew]

Yes. You see in the picture the first image, duck say. Then you learn there is a rabbit. You look for a long time and then it apears! Your preconcived idea of duck was hard to overcome. Like wise for people you have in your life. They are thus, then you fond out they vare about something that does not fit your picture. You see them in a new way.

 

[Gadgie]

I don't like being reminded that I'm alone, folk say "you will get used to it" how do they know, they are not alone?

When you have spent the last twenty years living with your partner, you get used to being together, and we never fell into the trap of taking each other for granted.

Then suddenly your on your own, it's like a shock to your system, you feel incomplete, a big part of your life has suddenly gone.

This was made worse, as I had spent the last seven years being her carer, as she was bed bound. I suppose a life can be made out being alone, but I can't seem to find it?

 

[illusionist]

Ah skitzii!.....unemployment can do all sorts to our way of thinking. Hopefully after a couple of months your mind will settle into knowing what you want. You will either start thinking of building together with your partner as you feel more of an equal or you will start thinking of getting a place of your own. I've been in both of these scenarios, and found I've came to my conclusion after a couple of months of working.

Give it time to get your head out of the unemployment mode....was a hellish time for me and worse, in many ways, when in a relationship.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Ah skitzii!.....unemployment can do all sorts to our way of thinking. Hopefully after a couple of mo...

@illusionist .. How did your significant others respond?

 

[illusionist]

Both reacted badly to me being unemployed.....to be fair, I'm a miserable, negative person to be around when I'm not working and does make my Ptsd symptoms worse with distorted thoughts running high. I'm on my second month of being back at work and its made a vast difference in my relationship....I'm a happier person for working...more pleasant to be around etc and therefore my partner can relate to me better.

On thinking....my now partner didn't react badly as such...I think he was just lost as to how to be around me. Can't be good for anyone coming home from work not knowing how your partner is going to be...loving or withdrawn.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Both reacted badly to me being unemployed.....to be fair, I'm a miserable, negative person to be aro...

Yeah :/ that's rough. Mine says awful things to me.. Like verbal abuse. I was having severe anxiety because of the unemployment. He's learning how to be around me, and hopefully that will stop. It's like.. He got very disappointed, thinks I'm someone else, and now he basically hates me and I can't tell if he's just putting up with me because "it's the right thing to do" or if he actually has hope. It's exhausting.

 

[illusionist]

Verbal abuse is abuse...full stop. There is a difference between someone ranting about not wanting to be around us because of x, y and z and saying things that are vicious and hurtful.

Could it be that he is thinking that you are over the honeymoon period, so to speak, and this is the real permanent you? I do remember my partner thinking that the first time my symptoms came to a height when we were together. It does bring out their own insecurities.

No matter what the reasons are, abuse is not the answer and the longer it is allowed to continue, the longer it will go on, and it will only rocket your symptoms and fire him up even more...a vicious circle...Been there years ago in a previous relationship.

I'm glad you are questioning things and not just accepting the situation as I did way back when.....you will get where you need to be.