How does your therapist react to criticism?

[Friday]

T says one thing (“I want to repair this”) and I state that I do too, then in the actual session she attacks or deflects or demeans whatever topic I want to discuss.

Just because someone may want to repair a situation? Doesn’t mean it’s actually repairable.

Irreconcilable differences... is a thing.

 

[Muttly]

If your T is feelign defensive and unable to manage her feeling she's not able to give you the therapy you need. She should be able to manage her own emotions. It doesn't matter if you are more straightforward. I am sorry you are dealing with that and glad you got the validation from the other person in your group. Pay attention to how you are feeling about the relationship. It's valid.

 

[Friday]

It doesn't matter if you are more straightforward.

^^^ This.

I just wanted to mention... I’m a chick with combat trauma/life/whatever. BECAUSE I’m female? I usually got “placed” with other females, with female therapists, and wildly different trauma histories. They didn’t know WTF to do with me. As soon as I moved over to male therapists, & (mostly) male groups with combat trauma/life/whatever? I became completely boring/normal/expected.

Not all trauma therapists are going to “fit” personality wise.
Not all trauma therapists are going to “fit” experience wise.

And that goes, x1000 for non-trauma-therapists. Who’ve only read about generalities in books, and DFK what to do with people who don’t fit their idea of what XYZ “should” be.

If you learned a lot & got on well with your T the first year? That’s awesome! But if you’ve outgrown them? Or gettin into deeper work, find that they don’t have the understanding/skills you need to help you on further? This isn’t a marriage. You’re not dating them. This isn’t a friendship. You’be hired them to help you, and if they’re no longer helping you? That isn’t something that you’ve done wrong & need to repair. That’s needing to move on to find someone more skilled in what you need. Like going to a GP is great, and useful, until you need a cardiologist. And a cardiologist is great, until you need a cardiothoracic surgeon. You can’t MAKE your GP a heart specialist, or heart surgeon, just because they were brilliant at what they specialize in, which is what you needed... before you needed a heart specialist or heart surgeon.

 

[Huxley]

I appreciate Friday bringing up the gender thing. I don’t mean any offense to anyone, but I too think my issues resonate better with men than women and I’m glad to know I’m not alone. mine isn’t combat, just life and having to make my own way and provide everything for myself while still in my teens, which I am learning is not a common life path. Most of my close acquaintances have been men. i chose a man for my first T, but he moved.

and I appreciate all the feedback, very much.

 

[Movingforward10]

Picking the right gender for your T isn't something you need to apologise for, and if someone is offended about that that's for them to deal with, not you. You have to pick a T that makes you feel comfortable. If gender is one of the things that helps you with that, then it's great you know that.

You're T needs to hear you and explore that with you. I'm sorry that isn't happening for you.