I am new to the forum. Wish I was not. I have struggled with PTSD for a long time. I think I am better than most because I understood it going in. So I could feel it coming when it did. But it still surprises me at the most awkward of moments.
Yes, I think I lost my first wife because of PTSD. Most of us are not violent or abusive really, as we see it. Some are still at that anger/hurt stage and cannot get out of it. The military trains you to be that way. Stuff the hurt for later. And yes, after so may years, they still do not have a handle on fixing it.
The best thing I can tell you is to get your husband to some kind of therapy, even if it is a church based activity where he can get some peace with himself. I have an altar in my house and I light a candle and meditate after reading some nice poetry or something that feeds my mind with love and harmony. I have a little gong that when I ring it, sends a message to me and those in my spiritual circle, that I am well and will get better.
The nightmares do come. Some are just awful and not like what really happened exactly. So my mind tends to work against itself when it is weak while sleeping. It affects me for days.
I am sure your husbands hurt as a result of hurting you. I think they are just not articulate enough to express their feelings or understand them. They need someone to help them get those experiences out and examined. And that cannot be you, nor should you be the object of his problem.
Drinking is another addendum to the problem. It's difficult not to drink when you hurt so much and it does help take the memory away but later it brings more of them and it destabilizes your thinking. You are thinking: Don't mess with me. I am finally feeling better. But you don't see the hurt you cause until later.
Most of us are confused about how this all came to be. We want to understand the un-understandable. It just IS. And IT will go away as long as some sense of stability and peace can be established.
My very best of luck to all of us who have it, and those affected by it. That is trauma too.
Yes, I think I lost my first wife because of PTSD. Most of us are not violent or abusive really, as we see it. Some are still at that anger/hurt stage and cannot get out of it. The military trains you to be that way. Stuff the hurt for later. And yes, after so may years, they still do not have a handle on fixing it.
The best thing I can tell you is to get your husband to some kind of therapy, even if it is a church based activity where he can get some peace with himself. I have an altar in my house and I light a candle and meditate after reading some nice poetry or something that feeds my mind with love and harmony. I have a little gong that when I ring it, sends a message to me and those in my spiritual circle, that I am well and will get better.
The nightmares do come. Some are just awful and not like what really happened exactly. So my mind tends to work against itself when it is weak while sleeping. It affects me for days.
I am sure your husbands hurt as a result of hurting you. I think they are just not articulate enough to express their feelings or understand them. They need someone to help them get those experiences out and examined. And that cannot be you, nor should you be the object of his problem.
Drinking is another addendum to the problem. It's difficult not to drink when you hurt so much and it does help take the memory away but later it brings more of them and it destabilizes your thinking. You are thinking: Don't mess with me. I am finally feeling better. But you don't see the hurt you cause until later.
Most of us are confused about how this all came to be. We want to understand the un-understandable. It just IS. And IT will go away as long as some sense of stability and peace can be established.
My very best of luck to all of us who have it, and those affected by it. That is trauma too.
