When I was in high school I held stressful internships that usually I was the first person in high school to ever hold an internship there. I was in lots of clubs and also did pet care for money and balanced everything pretty well on top of debilitating back pain. I think I had symptoms of PTSD for a long time but after my abusive relationship at 18 I sort of lost my ability to do anything with a power figure. I nail all my interviews, everything I’ve ever interviewed for I’ve gotten (I have a system of putting my truthful responses and framing them well, I’m a great storyteller) but I can’t be that person in the job. When I pulled out of college the first time I got a retail job and had such a bad reaction on my first shift that I didn’t finish it. My hypervigilance was ridiculous. Panic attack for almost 6 hours, vomiting for hours straight because of the anxiety. I got a job when I went back to college but had so many panic attacks from the boss being similar to my abusers that I couldn’t do it. Too much vomiting.
I was TERRIBLE at the job. I didn’t give two sh*ts about it. They claimed to help people by spreading a specific type of knowledge but were just a bunch of rich academics spending a ridiculous amount of money to jerk off other rich academics to get richer, it had nothing to do with helping people who actually needed it. AND they were charging tens of thousands of dollars to my university, and I saw all the other programs that were like it, and I understood why tuition was so high. I gave my two weeks notice and called in sick for a week. I think I watched Bojack Horseman on my computer for most of my shifts I was there anyway. My hypervigilance was so bad there too.
The only jobs I’ve kept longer than 3 months have been animal related or actually helped people, not (like my one internship) profited off of the chaos, violence and unrest in the world. I worked as a working student at an eventing farm for a few years before I was 15, it wasn’t official work but I got paid well and also got free lessons. I was anxious a lot but I just had to go up to a horse and would be fine. I interned on Capitol Hill and loved that too and was really good at it, I was only 17 and everyone thought I was much older. Although I’m at this time just done with politics, I felt like I actually helped people. Listening to them, making sure their voices were heard on the issues they found important (and the congresspeople actually do see the tally of issues at the end of the day), and man I really loved that internship.
I’ve been pet sitting since I was 5 years old. It’s what I do now. I absolutely love it. I’m my own boss, I can choose to not take jobs, and although I don’t live on my own yet I live comfortably, just bought my first car, and am saving a good amount of money towards school, travel, and expanding my business. I often beat myself up over not being traditionally successful in having internships or academic jobs but I make more an hour than my friends who’ve finished college and I have less hours (I work a max of 25 hours a week). I’m actually getting booked 3 months in advance right now and turning people down. I could probably hire someone easily but it’d make my accounting so much harder so I just keep my current self busy. I’m hoping to also get a certificate in dog training.
But I’m also really fortunate in having the privilege to be raised in a wealthy community where the clients paid well, and being able to tap that market thanks to all of my connections and word of mouth within these wealthy communities, and also knowing how to commmunicate with people in a professional setting in being my own boss because I’m the third generation of self employed business owners in my family (two generations of realtors). I do work hard to keep my business and have only lost one client in 16 years and I think it’s because my rates were too high for them because now they hire where I was at a few years ago, high school students. Everyone else has stayed even as I’ve raised my prices. I dunno, I feel like the job is easy but I have friends who could NOT do my job. I feel like I’m robbing people sometimes but I think about it and I would pay myself my rates for the care I give people’s animals. I would pay more actually.
I am drawn to clients and attract clients who care about their animals like I care about animals. I have taken on on dog who is neglected but mostly because I feel awful he doesn’t get enough love and if I’m able to give him belly rubs and long walks when he’s never gotten that in his life, even though it kills me to see how he’s treated, that’s as much as I can do to help him, make him happy for an hour a day for a week or so. I’m just doing what I love the best I possibly can and I’m so fortunate that it pays well. I’m hoping to apply that to other things as well. If I have someone or some animal to help, I have motivation to push past my symptoms and do my job well. There has to be a reason to do something to help someone or something.
I really ranted here lol
