How to comfort yourself/ inner child

[Yvy]

Hi everyone,

So my therapist said if I have panick or intrusive thoughts I should comfort my inner child. I started reading about this and did some meditations. But I find it really difficult. Does anybody have experience with this? What helps you? Any tips or advice?

For me it just doesn't feel real. I have this picture of myself as a baby and I try to look at it. But it doesn't help very much. I try to imagine talking to myself as a kid or that writing exercise: where you write with your non dominant hand. And I try to do activities I used to like as a kid. But still, I don't feel a connection yet.

 

[Changing4Best]

I bought myself some stuffed animals and I enjoy owning them, as I never really had such toys when I was a kid. I also bought a baby doll. I have an adult coloring book, I use colored pencils with it. It is called Mystical Mandala Coloring Book by Hutchinson. I bought it through amazon.com. My sister suggested that last to me.

I recall doing coloring books when I had a breakdown and was in the hospital. It did help and it does help me when I use it too.

Also journaling, with your regular writing hand helps too. I hope these ideas can help you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Is your therapist working with you on connecting with your inner child? I think its a bit irresponsible on her part to say "connect with your inner child" and leave you to do the rest! Its like telling someone to go to Timbuktoo but giving them no road map. Its gonna be a struggle to get there!

I've been able to connect with my inner child quite easily, BUT, only after getting a lot of guidance in therapy. That is, the therapists walked me through it all. I'm not sure its exactly one of those things that I could tell you how to do, as I used many of the skills you are attempting to use, rather the difference was the individualized care (that you can only get in one-on-one therapy).

 

[Yvy]

@SheilaKathy thanks! I know these colouring books, they have them a lot in the shops over here now. I have a mandala colouring book. But when I'm colouring I get a bit bored and start thinking negative anyway. When you colour do you get in some sort of flow or something? Or do you think about nice things? Or does that go automatically?
The journaling do you do this with special exercises, or do you write about your day? Because I already write about my day and that sometimes helps with feeling more organised.

@Solara There is always too less time with my therapist I feel. We work on it a little bit, for example we did this exercise where I had to go back to a trauma and tell her about it, then she would come 'into' the trauma/ situation and comfort me and help me, like my parents didn't, then she asks me where I want to go and she tries to comfort me visualy. But I have to say I have a lot of trouble with imagining that. So it's hard for me that exercise. Especially the ending...
Was your therapist someone who mostly did inner child work? Or was she a 'regular' therapist?
My therapist did say 'write a letter to your child'. Maybe I don't have enough patience and maybe it takes long or something. Did you notice something quite early or did it take a long time before you could connect with your inner child? Thanks.

 

[WillyKat]

I dunno if this will help or not. I struggle with it too, but…what has worked for me is giving myself a hug once in a while, whenever I feel I need it. Like now (not having a good day). I simply wrap my arms around myself and give a gentle squeeze, then try to tell my little self that he's safe now, he's not alone, that there's at least one person that understands.

The first time I did this was way out in a desert wilderness, alone, after having fasted for about 36 hours. It was a transforming experience. I actually got to the point where I felt the love I had for myself. I don't think it's necessary for you to go alone into the wilderness and fast, but if you're into such things….

 

[Nam]

It might be because you don't know your inner child yet. You haven't been connected. If your traumas started before you could remember, it's very difficult to find the child. I've actually have much more grace toward my inner child now that I've had children. (I don't suggest you go have children to find out.) I realized that I'm overly critical, harsh, and mean to myself more than I should be. Once I was able to see this, and be kinder to myself, the inner child became more vocal. I could tell if something was bothering her by the way I hurt. To me, it seemed trivial. Like not getting a hug when I wanted one...but I didn't ask for one. And yet, I was crying over it. I find out these things that hurt by the way I react to negative criticism, injuries, being ignored, etc. It's best not to ignore these feelings but to acknowledge them and process them. You will get to know your inner child by doing this. The key is to try very hard not to let your inner child overtake your adult decisions. This is so much harder than it sounds.

I hope some of this resonates with you. If it doesn't, just disregard it.

 

[illusionist]

Nobody taught me how to connect to my inner child, it came naturally to me...initially by being around kids playing (friends kids) . I would be the one sliding down the shoot, climbing the trees and doing all the silly things a kid normally does. She is definitely separated from myself as an adult. It helped a lot, and still helps, to allow her to cry and seek whatever she needs. I seem to naturally know the difference between the two of us, ......sounds weird I know, hard to explain.

 

[WillyKat]

That's interesting @richter scale, as my son was growing up I absolutely loved playing with him or at least being around when he played. I wasn't in a very good state most of that time, but being able to just play felt so good.

 

[illusionist]

WillyCat....that sounds like your inner child as I know it. I've never used a therapist to explain it to me. Yes, I felt her a lot as my kids were growing up....I was the one pulling out their crayons, paints, toys etc and asking them to come and play.....such happy times for us all.

 

[ghotiff]

But when I'm colouring I get a bit bored and start thinking negative anyway. When you colour do you get in some sort of flow or something? Or do you think about nice things? Or does that go automatically?

I discovered that my self soothing activities gave way to negative thoughts as they were criticized when I was a child. It took me a while to work this out, then even longer to get rid of it. It's still something I am working on. I still feel guilt when I do them, but less and less over time.

 

[Nyssa]

Do you remember what you liked to do, as a child? Was there something that brought you a sense of comfort, or joy (even if it was slight)?

You could start trying to reconnect with that state of mind when you are not in distress.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Yvy I think I try to keep my mind blank or on positive things as I color.

I also did do one thing about happy childhood memories, I drew some pictures of them, which made them more real to me. The pictures were not masterpieces of art, just enough detail to describe what I remembered. These were fun to do. You can use some letterhead paper and crayons or you can use colored pencils or whatever.