How To Continue Living Like This?

[CaitMiller]

Thank you

 

[Recovery4Me]

Glad you are safe and among us again. See you around the board. :hug: if you accept...

 

[joeylittle]

if a person know's anything about suicide he/she should know not to respond aggressively to someone thinking about suicide, it's not helpful whatsoever.

This is not true.

First off, this site isn't a crisis site. There's a certain protocol to follow when handling a suicidal person in crisis. If you want that protocol, you need to call a crisis line. I think it's important to bring this up, because I'd hate for someone to read your statement, here, and think that it was also best practice for peer-to-peer counseling - which is what this site is. Peer to peer, you'll get responses from real people who deal with what you are going through in their real ways - just, those ways aren't always what will help you. So, sometimes you need to steer the conversation.

You don't need to apologize to me - really. I offered what I offered because it is literally what keeps me alive, most days. And you were right to say no, that's not what I need right now. I appreciated that.

What I TRULY need is someone to tell me is, Hey I've been there (or someone I know has been there) and I feel your pain but you will make it through.

You needed and wanted the pep talk. Comfort, validation, reassurance - connection. It's really good that you can identify what will reach you, when you are in that super-bad place. I'd encourage you to remember that what helps you is connection. Dealing with suicidal thinking is not a one-size-fits-all thing. Even though it can be really hard to ask for the thing you need, because depression can tell us that it's only going to work if someone mind-reads it (at least, I know I have that problem) - the more you can practice asking for what you need, the faster you'll find relief.

I promise you, for every person like yourself, who craves comfort and reassurance, there is another person like me, who cannot accept comfort and reassurance, and needs to be reminded to get perspective.

Moving forward - do you have a therapist who is helping you with regulating your specific lows so that they don't get dangerous for you? And/or, do you feel like you have a good crisis plan in place for yourself? The aftermath of a really bad drop is usually the best time to give yourself a plan that you can follow, both so that you can keep yourself safe, but also so that you can interrupt the thoughts before they get too unmanageable (if that makes sense). If you know that spinning out at the last minute is your tendency, then maybe a crisis plan would really help. You never really know til you try, anyway.

 

[CaitMiller]

@joeylittle I thank you SO much for responding and for understanding, that really means a lot. Yes, we all require different ways to cope. I hope one day you may accept comfort, I would love for you to know that you are thought of and cared for. And hopefully, one day, my skin gets thick enough for me to accept any help other than what I'm used to.

I do indeed have a therapist then also a chaplain administering my EMDR. I usually have a good hold of my thoughts, actions & feelings; it's just those certain times I am extremely low I just don't know how to handle myself or my situations. I have/would never harm myself. And most likely (hopefully) will never follow through with suicide. It just gets hard, as you know, when you're already down and you get reminded your parents don't love you, your husband doesn't love you (at least in the ways you need him to) and that all the friends you helped through a crisis are nowhere to be found. It sucks, so I get mad as hell. I just want to apologize one more time for my reaction towards you, you didn't get me in this situation, you are not the enemy. I thank you for listening. You are a very kind person.

 

[Recovery4Me]

but if a person know's anything about suicide he/she should know not to respond aggressively to someone thinking about suicide, it's not helpful whatsoever.

I wanted to walk away from this sentence for a multitude of reasons, mainly because you are new and you are hurting. However, please know I lost a close friend-family (G.) to suicide, my Mother attempted several times -Medevac, plus Veterans that I knew that served in Nam/Dessert Storm, ect- are now gone... due to suicide. As a result, I worked laboriously in a warped sense of atonement with teens and youths on prevention and during suicide, especially during the Holidays- as that is the time of statistical increase.

So...my answering of the how...when you asked how, fell short of your expectations of this stranger. Got it. However, you may find other members on this board that are unfortunately- all too well aware of suicide. So please do not sling general blanket statements when you are not pleased.

As well never assume anyone person is responsible for having a complete handle on suicide (as there is an unique person behind the contemplation of the action)... that is what makes it so terrifyingly hard... hence prevention lines.

Perhaps make a contract with your therapist for such times or a crisis plan. It works well for many here are among the board.

Namaste... leaving the thread:notworthy:

 

[StarChild]

I have/would never harm myself. And most likely (hopefully) will never follow through with suicide.

Great to hear! Then tell me, how readers of your post are supposed to understand / take the following statement you made?

I have a TON of experience with trying to commit suicide and I personally (as well as many other people) feel like suicide is a way out from pain.

 

[CaitMiller]

Great to hear! Then tell me, how readers of your post are supposed to understand / take the following...

@TreeHugger I don't know honestly. I JUST stopped cutting myself 2 months ago. I say I would never harm myself I guess because anytime I say I would the cops get called or I get treated like a problem that needs to be dealt with. I have attempted suicide many, many times. Though I just want to be dead right now, I don't have the courage to actually follow through.

 

[CaitMiller]

I wanted to walk away from this sentence for a multitude of reasons, mainly because you are new and...

@Recovery4Me so sorry I had to get offline before I could reply to your comment, so sorry! I wasn't trying to ignore you. I'm sorry you have experienced that. I also know people in the military who have committed suicide & various people who have attempted suicide. Heck, I've even prevented many of my friends from killing themselves, because they confided in me with their emotions. I have also attempted suicide in the past.

I am not perfect, so my words will not always come out clear- especially when I am drunk, flustered or upset. I was extremely depressed when I originally put up this post & just really really wanted to die. I don't say I'm suicidal because though, at times, I want to die I don't think I would have the courage to be the one to end my own life. I feel very sad for the people who do have the courage to follow through. And we all can interpret suicide in our own different ways, that's okay.

But it's not fair to get upset with me for having be upset for not getting what I needed at that time. I was upset, I acted, I apologized. As I stated before some people need tough love, some people need comfort. Everyone needs to understand that. Tough love just makes me worse, it's painful to feel like someone is saying/thinking "hey, though you have been through all these horrible things you need to buck up", because it's not easy. Everyone on here knows that. I've apologized, I've made it clear what I actually meant in my original post...if we cannot just agree to disagree, or agree that there was miscommunication I guess we just shouldn't cross paths when one of us is in distress on here. Thanks.