How to cope with arrogant people ??

[acoa82]

Hi there. I didn't want to post a new thread. I just responded in another thread on this kind of topic but it is really hard for me. I mean I suspect that arrogance is natural behaviour of most people. It is so common, it confuse me and sometimes I am not sure if I've been triggered and I exaggerate or people are arrogant too often. After such an experience I feel violent tendencies. I really do, very violent. I have always managed this before and I can handle it now but you know....I am afraid what the future holds for me or arrogant person.
What do you people do in these kind of situations or how you prevent them ??

I grew up in violent environment. I guess many of us. Mostly what I could do in the past was nothing. Just ride out the storm. I was only child. I wanted to beat up my father so much, or maybe worse. So I understand I can be triggered but there are so many arrogant people. Today I've been dealing with some of them. It's hard to handle it for someone like me. But I did, so...
So my question is how to cope with arrogant people. What is the most effective way for you ?

 

[The Albatross]

I think acoa, it's wise to recognize that the core belief you suspect, "I suspect that arrogance is natural behaviour of most people" is something that you are aware and apprehensive of. No one wants the stress or consequences of being reactive inappropriately.

I grew up in a violent environment too... and became very angry and reactive.

First thing I have to do is examine what I'm thinking/believing/feeling. IS it really arrogance? Or is it something else? Like maybe confidence, assertiveness, passive-aggressiveness. Identifying it properly is key really to how to cope to each situation. Different skills for some, but some of the common ones are learning non violent communication and how to better communicate, when and what to communicate to calm a situation rather than worsen it.

 

[acoa82]

Look, I understand what are you talking about. I learn these things and I already learned something. But that is not what I am asking. I can distinguish when someone in arrogant and I know what I need to do but I still don't know how to cope my emotions in those situations, what to do in situatuions when someone IS obviously arrogant. BECAUSE after such an experience I struggle with my overreaction inside me (I usually don't show to other people) all day, and sometimes day after. It is like I can not control my emotions. I want stand up for myself but I don't want overreacting. It is hard to balancing it, people like us may have and actually have a problem with it.
I have two more disadvantages. I am an introvert and I look young for my age, you know babyface.

 

[Fadeaway]

I suspect that arrogance is natural behaviour of most people. It is so common, it confuse me and sometimes I am not sure if I've been triggered and I exaggerate or people are arrogant too often.

I think most people are insecure. the arrogance you are seeing is most likely either an act or or shyness.

I do hate it when people brag about themselves a lot and put others down. They do it because they are insecure though.

 

[acoa82]

Fadeaway, I know. I learned that one way how to fight with it is not taking that too personally because of their insecurity, so what I mean is that many times it is just about them, not necessary about me. I try to keep this attitude. I also know that I have to work on my self-confidence. Of course it is importante. But what I'm fighting with is that people believe they can treat me like shit when they are in the mood. The problem is that I look harmless and very young. Because of that they believe they can say and do whatever to me. Based on that I consider them as actually much more reactive (and primitive too) than me and less thoughtful than me because why treat somebody this way just because how he/she look. Or just on the basis that somebody is quiet one, or polite one. I always avoid to be sumbissive, subservient and so on. I just try to be normal, sometimes even relaxed. And sometimes it work well, but it's like they are always testing me. I can distinguish between my hypervigilance, overreacting, ovethinking, fear of what could happen, what to expect - and between someone REALLY testing me, or just treat me like shit. And because it is happening too often as a result I happen to be misantrophe, almost hater, loner, cynic, doubter (I have big trust issues). But because I'm aware of that I know I still have a chance and I want to change it. I am now on the border between weird loner who hate almost everybody and between just normal funny relaxed guy which I can also be. People can also treat me well (at least from begining), I look just normal, I even heard that I look sympathetic. So there is a chance. I don't have personality disorder or something pathological.

I realized that the real reason why I came here is that I want to do something whit it, with this particular problem. Otherwise I can not function normally. Or... I can live like a hermit. I am in the decision making process.

 

[Friday]

. After such an experience I feel violent tendencies. I really do, very violent. I have always managed this before and I can handle it now but you know....I am afraid what the future holds for me or arrogant person.
What do you people do in these kind of situations or how you prevent them ??

There's a really great thread on how to control your anger here
Dealing With Anger

Another you'd probably find useful especially with overreacting is the stress cup here
The PTSD Cup - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Explained

And then also, since you're zeroing in on a trait of your abuser, and kicking into the fight side of fight/flight, working on dealing with (blunting and eliminating, so you don't have to avoid) triggers & stressors.

It's really something of the trifecta: Anger Management + Stress Management + Exposure Therapy.

 

[acoa82]

Thank you Friday