D
Deleted member 28403
I feel like the shit hit the fan, but not one accidental turd, and not a standard slow moving fan...
It's more like taking a high RPM propeller, e.g. from a Yak-9T or something, one of those beast-planes, and sticking that through the roof as a fan. And then a massive scat orgy happens and its going everywhere. But you are not a part of that,nah, you are the guy that lives upstairs and has a Yakovljev sticking out through his apartement, and a random hole in the floor.
So we have you, a normal individual, not the least bit interested in shit, and then shit hits the fan. The bastards down there are throwing buckets of poo at one another for their own amusement, and quite a bit of it goes up high and hits thehigh-RPM propeller fan just chilling (pun intended) there.
So your whole place, which includes you, is now getting sprayed but a buttload of crap, and you cannot stop it.
Thats about how I feel right now.
I feel like a guy just completely covered with all the shit of the world, but unlike the previous sample, I have no idea how it got to this. I mean, the guy could've covered the propeller before hand or told someone there is a russian fighter/interceptor poking through his apartement.
Nah, I lack options quite a bit more.
Now, this might seem quite far from the theme set by the title, but that is about how far I am from the answer to the problems I'm having.
You see, I feel hated. I have this strong feeling, this loud voice rulling in my head telling me that I'm awful and that everyone hates me and has good reason to. And any rationalization of it that my brain attempts just leads to the conclusion that I suck and the only reason why anyone would even talk to me would be because they need something.
Now, I know, most of you have such a friend (that talks to you only when they need something) and know how to deal with that, but imagine pretty much everyone being like that. Wouldn't that give you an impression that you are an intrinsically bad person? That something is wrong with you?
Well, I got that feeling. I asked around, tried to figure out what people don't like, jotted it down and tried to get rid of as much of that as possible, and pretty much did. But somehow, still, nothing really changed. The feeling that I just have some intrinsic hate magnet in me stays.
I swear by the scientific method quite often, so in this case, after attempting to modify all those factors, for quite the period of time - nothing really changed. Still the same.
Now, one might say that the people are wrong, don't know what they are missing and so on and so forth, all those things we say to ourselves to rationalize other people's actions. That works to a certain extent, but not here, not now.
It might work to rationalize a tiny minority of people, but all? How? It's simply impossible that all the people are such.
And there is always the constant correlation, when someone contacts me, which is on it's own so rare that it's not even a steak yet, but rather a calf clumsily running around the grassy plains, that basically, anytime someone talks to me, approaches me, it's because they need or just want something. Just want someone to do some work for free, and that someone ends up being me.
Of course, when confronted, denial, anger or sweet empty words.
Pretty much seems like I'm being used to me, so please write something; be it advice, your own experience or another perspective on the stiuation. Anything is better than a scientific darkness.
It's more like taking a high RPM propeller, e.g. from a Yak-9T or something, one of those beast-planes, and sticking that through the roof as a fan. And then a massive scat orgy happens and its going everywhere. But you are not a part of that,nah, you are the guy that lives upstairs and has a Yakovljev sticking out through his apartement, and a random hole in the floor.
So we have you, a normal individual, not the least bit interested in shit, and then shit hits the fan. The bastards down there are throwing buckets of poo at one another for their own amusement, and quite a bit of it goes up high and hits the
So your whole place, which includes you, is now getting sprayed but a buttload of crap, and you cannot stop it.
Thats about how I feel right now.
I feel like a guy just completely covered with all the shit of the world, but unlike the previous sample, I have no idea how it got to this. I mean, the guy could've covered the propeller before hand or told someone there is a russian fighter/interceptor poking through his apartement.
Nah, I lack options quite a bit more.
Now, this might seem quite far from the theme set by the title, but that is about how far I am from the answer to the problems I'm having.
You see, I feel hated. I have this strong feeling, this loud voice rulling in my head telling me that I'm awful and that everyone hates me and has good reason to. And any rationalization of it that my brain attempts just leads to the conclusion that I suck and the only reason why anyone would even talk to me would be because they need something.
Now, I know, most of you have such a friend (that talks to you only when they need something) and know how to deal with that, but imagine pretty much everyone being like that. Wouldn't that give you an impression that you are an intrinsically bad person? That something is wrong with you?
Well, I got that feeling. I asked around, tried to figure out what people don't like, jotted it down and tried to get rid of as much of that as possible, and pretty much did. But somehow, still, nothing really changed. The feeling that I just have some intrinsic hate magnet in me stays.
I swear by the scientific method quite often, so in this case, after attempting to modify all those factors, for quite the period of time - nothing really changed. Still the same.
Now, one might say that the people are wrong, don't know what they are missing and so on and so forth, all those things we say to ourselves to rationalize other people's actions. That works to a certain extent, but not here, not now.
It might work to rationalize a tiny minority of people, but all? How? It's simply impossible that all the people are such.
And there is always the constant correlation, when someone contacts me, which is on it's own so rare that it's not even a steak yet, but rather a calf clumsily running around the grassy plains, that basically, anytime someone talks to me, approaches me, it's because they need or just want something. Just want someone to do some work for free, and that someone ends up being me.
Of course, when confronted, denial, anger or sweet empty words.
Pretty much seems like I'm being used to me, so please write something; be it advice, your own experience or another perspective on the stiuation. Anything is better than a scientific darkness.
Last edited by a moderator:
