How to Deal With Knowing I Deserved It?

[ILoveLife]

Causing the problem is not the same as being at fault.

Thank you for this, @Ronin

 

[Missing Mermaid]

@Missing Mermaid

Nope, the issue is the world we're living in. The issue is the people we are surrounded by. And sometimes, when you've been slapped in the face already, it lays the groundwork for being slapped in the face again.
Best example: I was bullied in primary school (and a bit in kindergarten too), and this layed the groundwork for being bullied in high school too. My self confidence was already damaged and I didn't fight against those bullies. Because I didn't know how. Its learned helplessness.
I get what you're saying. I have a feeling of its-me-not-them too. I mean, I was bullied almost my entire childhood and adolescence. So of course I think its my fault.
But. Its. Not.
It never was.
And it was never your fault.
Because you can never be responsible for the things that have been done to you. The responsibility lays with your abusers.

Thank you. You are making me think a bit.

because it sounds utterly stupid? ? yea I had a really hard time with the idea that there are little people running around in my head making me do things. Have you seen the movie Inside Out? Its about a girl learning to control her emotions and I found it way funnier than a lot of people did just because of that.

If you haven't seen it yet you might check out The Body Keeps the Score by Van de Kolk. He does a fabulous job of explaining that whole firefighter/critic thing. It's pretty much my bible.

I like that movie. I thought it was also pretty funny at parts (see what I did there). I haven read it. It has been recommended to me. I can’t bring myself to read it yet...not sure why.

 

[Freida]

I can’t bring myself to read it yet...not sure why.

I won't lie - it was a tough read. I threw it across the room a couple times -- on my tablet! I could only do a few pages at a time in the beginning but now I have all sorts of bookmarks and highlights to refer back to when I need to.