How to deal with medium or low levels of dissociation?

[Deleted member 47099]

Hi all,

I've been writing a bit about this in my trauma diary the last couple of days...

When I have *high* levels of dissociation, I and my T notice and I've got coping skills in place, to ground myself.

However, I also seem to have this pretty constant, basically 24/7 medium-to-low level of dissociation going on and I'm wondering how ppl deal with that?

I've only just realised that's what it is. Previously I assumed it was more due to PTSD-related depression...

It's like I feel constantly hazy, foggy, like my brain won't work properly, confused, like everything feels kind of wrong/ fake/ not real.

I've only just realised that's actually a mild, toned-down version of dissociation.

I'm wondering if anyone else gets this/ struggles with it/ has found things that help.

I'm going to try the usual stuff I use to ground myself when experiencing strong dissociation symptoms, and see if that helps.

I'm kind of worried that my brain has gotten used to years and years of this kind of background level, constant dissociation, that it's going to be a really hard pattern to break.

 

[Anana]

I m also questioning this type of dissociation. and few days ago started similar thread, thinking perhaps it is already aquired depression or even dysthimia..but this fog really very frustrating. Sometimes I can "jump of it" only when there is smth very exciting for my brain (moving to another place and travelling are the most helpful)

 

[ILoveLife]

I have it. T says its depression.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I have it. T says its depression.

I used to think that, but now I'm pretty sure it's not. Pretty sure it's low-level dissociation in my case.
I've tried lots of depression treatments over the years and they've not helped with this issue.
And the bouts of stronger depression I have had, felt different to this too.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I m also questioning this type of dissociation. and few days ago started similar thread, thinking perhaps...

I found your thread Anana:
Partially here and there
Yeah, that sounds really similar.

I found this cool, long list of grounding techniques earlier:
Grounding 101: Featuring 101 Grounding Techniques!

I'm still not sure how to apply them to that constant-background-low-level dissociation, but I will think about it.

I was thinking earlier, that I actually need to focus on that feeling of "clarity" of "non-dissociation" and to get that to be my "new normal".

I shouldn't accept that low-background-dissociation is my "normal state".

 

[Anana]

I either can't accept it is my normal state and think if it was a depression It wouldnt bother me so much but i really suffer inside in this like slooooow motion life and my inner like trying to escape from this "cell" but when I have this period my therapist says just to be with it and don't push myself but letting myself to have a rest like that....however i m not actually satisfied with this solution

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Yeah, I understand that. I wouldn't be satisfied with that solution either!

My therapist always just said "it's depression" and that it would get better by doing therapy.

But I still feel that same foggy/ hazy/ unreal/ unconnected state and it feels much more like dissociation.

I am determined to find a way to fix this! :)

 

[grit]

Sophy,

Thank you for starting this topic.
I am very much interested in learning more about it. I am fascinated the depression angle of it. I never had depression or anxiety (I better word this carefully here). My most functional state does not have any of those and even in that state, I get the purpose of mindfulness because I am mindful in my most functional state. But, (there is always but), all my life, I had this fleeting days maybe max weeks of dread, distraction, laziness, procrastination, lack of concentration, no energy, lethargic (looks like I am describing depression). But those days were very far in between and usually last maybe weeks...mostly over the weekend when I can hermit.

Now that I am waking up way more, I am thinking maybe those were depression (I still have it now but much less time). But I recently become acutely aware of this being a dissociation or I would say for me dead inside - complete comatose, leave me alone, let me die and be there sort of feeling.

the phase before this is my panic (not mania) just pure fear like stage.

Now, you ask how do you deal with it?
I am in my 40s and though I could say maybe this is it I got the feeling if my functional side (same body right) can be so healthy, this must be a part of me of that needs integration to my everyday part...so for me (and I am very new to this and only did it a handful times so far), I watch my self talk and be super supportive and emphatic to my that side that is hurting.

I will give you an example, I was like that last week at work (dreaded side). A co worker said something. I do not remember the topic and not important but I saw myself responding to say "yeah scary!" but I caught myself and say "yeah different". Very subtle but profound moment for me.

Simple language change and acknowledging was what got me out of that dread back to my default setting. I think real depression is default setting, there is just no way out until there is a way. and dissociation like depression, I can tell there is a way out cause I had glimpse of that like yesterday. This has been my experience.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Just wanted to report back on this, that I have been making a big conscious effort these past couple of days to actively cut through the dissociation haze. When I've been feeling my mind wander and drift and get lost in stuff, I've been using grounding techniques to force myself back to being fully present.
It's been working quite well, which gives me hope!

I think the most important element for me is remembering that mental clarity/ being fully present is the state I'm meant to be aiming for.
I've had this crappy hazy background dissociation for so long, I've gotten used to it :unsure::meh:

I would liken it to the kind of low-grade hazy dissociation you can get when driving on the highway (classic example, right?) and when you notice it, you kind of force yourself to "snap out of it" cos you know driving and (mild) dissociation are a bad combination. So you kind of try and focus and concentrate hard and maybe give yourself a slight adrenaline surge by realising that if you don't concentrate, then that's dangerous.

So, previously I'd just stay stuck in it, but now I'm finding I can cut through it.
I think this is still going to take a lot of practice and it's probly something my mind will keep returning to, since it's been a default for so many years now.

But it's actually been really encouraging to notice immediate results!
Now I've just got to make it a habit. :p

Edit: I think this may also be related to hyper-vigilance. I think when my PTSD brain is being hyper-vigilant, this mild dissociation starts up. Because, when I am grounding myself to cut through the mild dissociation, I noticed I can't keep the hyper-vigilance up anymore... I have to drop it and "relax into the moment", so I think for me there is a connection there.

 

[Swift]

Yeah, I definitely experience this.
To me, it feels different to being highly dissociated (DAF) because I am semi-aware, and different to depression, because, well, I'm not depressed.

Grounding techniques work well, but what works the best for me is "keeping grounded." I listen to a lot of music, for example, particularly if I'm in the bathroom, because that's where it's most likely to happen. I'll often think about what I'm doing, just notice shit verbally in my head, like "this bowl is blue"...

 

[Marvel545]

I'll often think about what I'm doing, just notice shit verbally in my head, like "this bowl is blue"..

This certainly works for my maladaptive daydreaming, which I guess is kind of like a low grade dissociation. Also noticing things that my senses pick up on.

I meditate frequently as well, that seems to work as well.

 

[Abstract]

Its fairly easy really if you think about it. Its not black and white. Its shades of grey with some black and white. We can have the odd time where dissociation is more intense and some where it is mid or low ish level. Just because dissociation is not as severe does not mean that pathological dissociation is not present to an extent and does not mean that it isnt having an impact on ones life and relationships. At certain (lack) levels of consciousness, relationship, memory and basic functions can be impaired across the board. often whilst appearing semi normal to the world around us.

Long term, mindfulness was what helped me the most. Minute by minute awareness of the present moment. It took quite a lot to learn it. Well done for already making progress.