How To Feel Proud?

[Mallaky]

@DogwoodTree Yes I misread you! Sorry.

I was taught that feeling pride of any kind is a sin, and so I worked hard to eliminate those thoughts from my mind.

Can you see how I have read it? :hug:

Also, pride has nothing to do with feeling superior. Its feeling proud and satisfied with one's work. Its necessary. One can be proud of oneself and loved ones. Its abusers who feel the need to take that feeling away. I feel a healthy sense of pride is very important for every kind of progress. See also the Gay Pride movement, which the quote was referring too. Important for me as I am gay and have been relentlessly bullied for it. There was a time were teenage me prayed daily and tearfully for god to take this curse away from me.
I have learned to be proud about who I am. Now I want to learn to be proud about what I do. I hope this clears it all up. :hug:

 

[DogwoodTree]

Can you see how I have read it? :hug:

Also, pride has nothing to do with feeling superior.

Yes, I think if you've never been taught that pride can have negative connotations, then my post probably sounded a little off.

I think, like with shame...there's healthy shame (recognize when we've done something wrong and, in humility, apologize) and there's toxic shame (beat ourselves up for being who we are).

And so with pride...there's healthy pride (satisfaction, pleasure, security...like, being at peace with yourself) and there's toxic pride (superior, arrogant, haughty, condescending):

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride

It's the toxic pride I've resisted, which is a good thing. But I think the healthy pride got thrown out with the bathwater, so to speak. It's important to differentiate between the two types of pride, just as it's important to distinguish between the two types of shame.

For me, the word "pride" still carries a heavily negative connotation, so I'll probably stick with words like pleasure and satisfaction...just my personal preference...saying things to myself like, "I'm pleased with how my project turned out" or "I recognize that I'm an awkward geek, and slowly learning to be okay with that" (as opposed to saying something more reactive, like, "geeks are smarter than everyone else, so you deserve to have your email hacked by geek-masters"...or something to that effect...which would be toxic pride).

I think healthy pride honors differences and draws people together. Toxic pride is the "in your face" arrogance that condemns differences and destroys relationship. And both types of pride exist on both sides of all of these hot-button issues, which doesn't help anything.

Thought-provoking discussion...thanks.

 

[Mallaky]

It's important to differentiate between the two types of pride, just as it's important to distinguish between the two types of shame.

I absolutely agree.

For me, the word "pride" still carries a heavily negative connotation...

One of the awsome things about talking about my issue in a learned language is that it frees me of a lot of baggage. There is stuff that I cannot talk or think about in german, but discuss freely in english. I say this, because you made me think about the german word for pride "Stolz" and what it means to me. Its a super difficult word for me, but thinking with "pride" is easy. Go figure.

I am starting to believe me having issues with the positive pride is not what I thought it was. I thought it was an issue all on its own, but I am starting to think differently. Right now I am considering it merely a symptom of something bigger. Since I have started this discussion I have focused on it a lot, and I discovered how inconsistent my relationship with pride is.
I thought I feel bad because I am not proud of my achievements.
Now I think, that when I am in a bad place losing the ability "being proud" is just another symptom.

 

[Ronin]

I try to go for things that I hate about myself the most, and different spin on them.

That way nobody can make me un-proud once I'm already on the pride, because I'm doing my own dance with self loathing & it's something so deeply personal if they try to use it, they'll just make it clearer in my head I'm doing the reclaiming good, despite everybody.