How to Navigate Being Single After Emotional DV

[Ocean147]

Back in high school, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years. Being belittled, gaslit, shame, guilt, tears, anger, confusion. Then I was "happy" and I still am sometimes. But like, it can feel like a mask y'know? I take Duloxetine for mainly anxiety but also my depression. I think it helps, I've been crafting again: scrapbooking, sketching, painting ectetera.

I look back, and I don't recognize that quiet, nervous girl from before. I suppose my personality has changed for the better. I'm less quiet, more confident. However I jumped into a relationship soon after to escape the feelings after the toxic relationship, but he wasn't that great either. He held the door and was sweet minor good qualities. The biggest red flag? He made me cry pshhhh his parents even pointed out that he does this to his friends. Looking back, I don't think he cared if I had cried damn he was an real piece of work. There were red flags all around which I ignored.

But I've been single for a while now, I'm trying to make more guys friends. And to see them that way. But like, I have to take off the "I think he's cute" glasses. Does that make sense? A guy I know that I'm friends with and work with established after I asked him to coffee the boundary of friendship. That's my goal friendship. Which I totally respect, still I have a huge crush on him. Guess I'm a hopeless romantic. I do watch movies, TV Shows, read books, fanfiction, but I have to be careful of overexposure to them. You see, I get a bit obsessed I think that also came from the emotional abuse too. You know, actively trying to search for a healthy relationship. Knowing damn well, that would lead to another unhealhty one. But also, trying to be more gentle with myself in this area. And also, reminding myself that I need to focus on school and self-care for sure.

My therapist says to focus on something else, school, or lessen the exposure which I do...sometimes. I'm still working on refocusing it can be challenging. I miss being in a relationship. Being loved. Writing and poetry are my go-to tools.

Also, does anyone after being in an emotionally abusive relationship overanalyze conversations they have with a guy they hang out with for some hours? I honestly think it's from my anxiety as I have GAD and the PTSD makes it worse...Still I'm doing a lot better. Therapy helps, hobbies helps, friends and family, and my faith in God too.

 

[Friday]

y. But like, I have to take off the "I think he's cute" glasses. Does that make sense?

Yep! It’s what I think of as either being on the prowl (actively looking to involve myself with someone), or open to the idea (not actively looking, but also not against the idea).

When I’m actively trying NOT to date or f*ck around? I just sort of pretend everyone is either gay or married. Which allows me to still appreciate the beauty of an individual, (appearance, personality, character, spirit, flaws, etc.) but I’ve removed myself from any sort of equation involving them, beyond completely platonic.

 

[Rose White]

I am focusing on friends too. I was never friends with guys before. Because I sexualized them so it always got weird. I’m much better at being friends now. But I’m afraid to date because I like friendships and I don’t want to mess them up. I don’t know how to transition from friend to lover. I’ve been single for five years now after a bad 15 year marriage. Only rarely do I feel lonely. Part of me hopes menopause kicks in and that I’ll lose my sex drive so I never have to desire it again—freedom!