Too much laughter in sessions, how to navigate consulting with another therapist?

[MyWillow]

@Justmehere I don’t think you are screwing up anything. You have a lot of self-awareness even though you feel as though you are struggling. I am in admiration of your honesty and strive for change.

Now I don’t know if I can explain this properly but when I’m training my dogs for competition, no matter what the goal I’ve set for that session or how urgent it is to achieve - if I see something in my dog’s training that is missing or weak (eg impulse control or motivation or accuracy) I immediately stop and FIX THAT THING. Because that THING bleeds into everything else. So my opinion is that the homework can wait. Because this issue with your T is hindering your progesss. Take care xxx

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I agree, you're not screwing anything up! :hug:

As you just wrote, this goes to the *heart* of your stuff. You're dealing with core issues.

Yah, you're making a bit of a mess, as you do that :)

But when was trauma therapy ever non-messy...?? :D

You're doing great. Keep going :hug:

 

[scout86]

and I don’t have a clue what to do about it. I

When I've run into situations where I say that, usually berating myself for the inadequacy, my T generally smiles and says, "Yeah? And when and how would you ever have had a chance to learn that before?" ("Well, maybe never?")

I honestly have no idea what "soft vulnerability" IS, so you've got me there. Both of those words sound dangerous and combined they sound like a really bad idea. Be curious about where this is going, I'd bet you're going to learn stuff. (Then, maybe, report back so the rest of us can too.)

 

[Abstract]

My therapy homework from this week was:

1.) to take intentional action to begin to be more open with a couple of select people in my life about my life in a way that embraces soft vulnerability. In part because of the trauma recently disclosed to her and because I have two friends who are dying of two different terminal conditions and are people I used to be able to be softly vulnerable. I don’t know how to describe what I mean. I killed off my ability to be that way with other people, because of trauma, until this last therapy session this past week... and my therapist was like this is good, go do it with others a little.

2.) to not run from or sabatoge success.

Well this is opposite to a callous therapist who doesn't really want to hear your pain or doesn't care about your trauma. Who only wants to engage with you as a storyteller and not as your real self. That puts a totally different perspective on it.

Im no expert as through necessity have done a lot of things on my own with mixed results. All I can say is that I tried shutting down my usual defences entirely in one go and that was messy. I literally couldn't talk. As you say the space left behind those defences left such a void I couldnt engage at all. For me, I wish I had rather viewed it as a journey. rather than my usual extreme responses- all or nothing. Aimed at change , worked on change and allowed that it wouldnt happen all in one go. It doesn't have to be so scary as you can decide what you want as you go along. But really starting to use less humour to hide behind in situations like this is probably part of what you are talking about. Being more real and open. If I understand correctly. To me it all sounds like part of the same thing rather than 2 separate issues.

 

[Maroon731]

I even want to run from this thread.

Be gentle with yourself. You don't have to have all the answers today, or change today. Maybe step back and don't put so much pressure on yourself. I hope during your next therapy session you are both able to talk about the giggle dynamic and find a way to manage it in a way that is best for your healing. I can't comment on if it is appropriate but I do wish you some relief as you figure this all out.

 

[Justmehere]

It took all I had to go in. I went to the session at the time I thought we had scheduled, and it turns out we had miscommunicated times. She scheduled me for later. I explained I have another unmoveable work meeting then. She said I can’t do now, which yeah, of course... and right then her other client was waking up. I didn’t want to occupy any more of her time that was scheduled for someone else... so I just walked away. I can make it to that other session, but 20 minutes late. The likelihood of another one being open this week that works for both our schedules is slim to none. I guess I can go to the later one, and just be later and use what’s left, I guess. Maybe it would just be better to wait until next week before trying to do this again.

 

[MyWillow]

Ugh. Damn I hate that. Just when you gather the courage to turn up it feels like the rug is pulled out from under you. Ugh. A thousand times ugh. But you did it and you can do it again. If you do the short appt just be clear what you want to do in that session. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here.

 

[Justmehere]

She just texted. Basically, she moved my time slot to a time I can't do, for the next two months, and forgot to even ask me about it. If she would have, I would have mentioned it doesn't work. We have been meeting at this time slot for awhile. She can meet for 20 minutes later on tonight.

Also, she decided now is the time to tell me is going on vacation.

Right now, what this shakes out to be... I can see her for 20 minutes in just over an hour, right after a difficult work meeting (it's via video conference). We are going to have an unexpected 4 week break unless someone else cancels and my schedule works out to travel to her office two hours away for that appointment.

I told her to please stop texting at this moment. I can't breathe.

 

[Abstract]

Only one word really. F'k. With bells on.

 

[Justmehere]

She keeps texting me about one scheduling disaster after another. She’s just telling me she moved my timeslot. Apparently for several months. She’s not even asking. I’m trying to fake being put together so I can walk into this work meeting and then run over to her office?!

I can barely breathe. I asked her stop texting and she kept texting - I don’t know if she had seen yet my text to just stop right now – and I sort of went off and so I just blocked her number. I told her I need to focus on this meeting right now I can’t keep texting you about scheduling and she wants me to let her know about many things while I’m running a meeting she want to know many scheduling things before my meeting is even over holy moly stop texting me.

This is a cluster.

 

[Abstract]

Don't really know what to say. Hope you manage to get through this. Try to breath through it and take one step at a time.

 

[MyWillow]

@Justmehere one foot in front of the other. I have confidence you’ve got what it takes. We are all here and supporting you.