How To Stop Sickness Caused By Memory Of Oral Rape?

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I have multiple versions and perpetrators to relive.

I'm so sorry. Me too. :(

When I first started sucking on hard candy to retrain my responses, I hurled the contents of my stomach along candy quite frequently.

Yes, I had a problem with water to start with. But after a few hours I had a mint and that helped a lot so thank you.

 

[Ryn]

I have this too, very frequently - the gag reflex is just horrible, and of course when the memories come to mind I feel even more sick. I often feel like I'm choking or can't get enough air and that makes my anxiety skyrocket. I also have a fear of vomiting so I will do all I can to keep myself from bringing something up, which often makes me feel worse.

When this first became a very prominent symptom for me I became obsessed with chewing gum and brushing my teeth constantly because my mouth felt so dirty. I don't know if that's the case for you, but I have found mouthwash (if you can find the right flavour that isn't nasty or sickly-sweet) to be helpful with at least calming me down and giving me a sharp, clean taste instead of the taste that memories bring back. I second the ginger as well. Sometimes a cool shower will help.

Of all the body memories I have experienced, this really is one of the worst. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You are very brave for working further in your memories though. Gentle hugs.

 

[bluecupcake]

I was orally raped multiple times , as a result i often feel like "it" is still in my throat. This has been a constant for the last 2 yrs of my life on a daily bases.
Sometimes i find myself struggling to breath , or nauseous to the point of being sick. When my ptsd was at its worst i ate bland food (mainly noodles with no flavouring) and drank water, i consciously have to make an effort to eat or drink some days as the feeling can last for days.

I always have chewing gum and i clean my teeth to a point where i am wearing away the enamel. I used to use a lot of mouthwash until i developed an allergic reaction to it. However i have found that crunching on ice-cubes helps me ground back into reality in addition to stopping the feeling of sickness.

Up until this point i have not found anyone else who goes through similar body memories which has made it difficult for me to talk to anyone about.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Sometimes i find myself struggling to breath , or nauseous to the point of being sick.

This is sounds like what I was having, also it felt like I was choking on "it" being forced into my throat and gagging a lot. I don't know if the sickness is because of the gagging, because of the disgust I feel at and/or from the memory or disgust or because of panic or something else. I had never associated my liking of simple plain foods with it however as sometimes I find stronger flavours useful to help me stop and realise that it's definitely not happening "now". But usually I just don't eat until it passes, even if that's for days, even avoiding drink due to intense nausea and the unshakeable feeling of gagging/that something's in my mouth. Even barely thinking about remembering it, my face wrinkles in disgust, I'm lucky and relieved however, that I don't have it all the time. I'm sorry that you have this too, especially that it is so persistent for you but I'm glad you've felt able to talk here.

 

[Brokensoul88]

I feel the same. I hope that in the time since your original post @Kas_Can_Fly things have got better. I find that if I feel sick from memories it makes me feel bloated to. Sometimes a Rennie helps but I think it's a psychological remedy for me. Also mints help but when I'm specifically reliving the oral part of my rape & assault it is pretty much a just be sick and get on with it thing for me & let the flashback roll. I started rape crisis support 1-2-1's not long ago and I just started to scratch the surface yesterday to talk about things. I'm so worried about getting into it all but I know it's what needs to happen for me to start rebuilding my life. I feel relief to have found others who can understand what happened good luck too all of you. If anyone is able to discuss this subject I would be grateful of a message.

Take care of yourselves

 

[Friday]

So I'm sure this isn't for everyone... But on the me-stuff, I tend to both repeat and repeat until I can get it "right" in my mind, as well as play around with it. Trigger myself on purpose, until I can figure out all the natural boundaries, and then start messing with them. Coming at them from the side. Or work myself right up to the boundary, until I've pushed the boundary further away, or just say screw the boundary.

There are a lot of things that I can't do that with, and with those, I have to find work-arounds. But oral sex and breath control and gag reflex stuff were things I could play with, so I did. From things like giving my mouth a whole lot of sensory experiences (including talking with my mouth full, or around ice, and under water, singing ditto, and -oddly- walking was hard -even though I've been walking and eating for ages. When I found that out I refused to eat sitting for a few weeks, and started carrying lolly pops and sunflower seeds to really trip my brain out... Along with different food textures) to training my throat to swallow from thick liquids, to pills, to whole grapes, etc. I actually looked at how drug mules train themselves to swallow balloons. I brushed my teeth & tongue with a washcloth (that actually works better than with a brush, oddly). I used chloreseptic (mild topical anesthetic spray) when necessary. And I did a whole lot of breath control. I'm a swimmer, and one of the primary rules of swimming is that if you can talk? You can breathe. (This is actually something. I've always used in panic attacks). From gargling to "gulping fishes" (that mixed air and water choking feeling). Lastly, I went on a fellatio mission. Learnt everything I could about it. Including how & when to breathe through my nose. Talk about a lightbulb moment! Shazaam. That was eye opening. Like I said... I'm sure it's not for everybody. But it's what I did.

 

[Ronin]

Yeah, there with triggering myself. It helped me get the feeling I'm in control, instead of anybody else, about who triggers me. It isn't 100 percent moving *what* triggers me, but building up resistance and the constant being on defense, yep.

And I'm fairly known for chewing gums. Having my mouth busy in regular settings, instead of just waiting for the memory to pop by and say hello. That and warning the dentists I'll frown at them hard and try to get away from them so not take it personally and not put me back in the chair by force. I get nauseated real easy, not to the point of throwing up with that trigger, but yeah.