How to work with co-workers who hate each other's guts?

[ms spock]

Oh yeah the dysfunction was in full bloom long before I turned up @The Albatross!

It is uncomfortable... but keep in mind that the dysfunction existed before your arrival... both organization and relational. AND... will likely continue after you're departure with little glimmers of improvements here and there. It is good you recognized that the older one eased up on you later in the day.

Thanks @The Albatross it was a bit difficult but I actually managed really well. I am trying to be generous and open hearted, which is a bit hard when you feel attacked and got at. But I realise I can deal with difficult people. I just can't deal with the psychopaths, sociopaths and the impossible people. But I can definitely do the difficult people, and mostly yesterday I did really well.

The other thing was both the 85 and 65 whilst not admitting that they were rude and abusive to me, have both gone out of their way not to be rude and abusive towards me. There has been a definite change in their behaviours. Whilst being quite standoffish at times, and taking away all my projects from me, they have definitely shifted their dials on how I am treated and they are not rude to me now when packing up. I am given enough time to do that. So those are two big improvements.

I think your assessment above is very fair and balanced.

Thank you that means a lot coming from you!

Reassess your personal goals in light of these new developments... how/when/what do you need to tick off this box, keep the high ground, and make a strategy to exit with grace, dignity and head held high?

Even though they are totally incompetent it is a great networking experience. It's a really, really, really good networking opportunity.

I did that this last time... loosely scripted and "wrote the end of the chapter/story" then it was just a matter of master thespian-ship.

What you did was phenomenal! I am not at your level (yet!) that was amazing and when things get hard I think of you! And what you went through! And how hard it was for you! And I think "Suck it up Princess!" and I keep going. You are one of my inspirations!

Being the change, modeling behavior without expectation, meeting your personal goal and maintaining personal integrity and dignity. It is not a bad way to end a story.

It is an amazing way to end the story!

 

[ms spock]

So yesterday morning I texted the 85 year old and the 65 year old woman to ask what time they would be in. And I turned up before that time for both of them. There is no way that 85 year old woman should be saying I am not available, not on time or unreliable. I am an excellent communicator. I always turn up early and leave later than both of them. That was a total lie in her email. I turned up late one time, and that was because a resource that we need to run the programme became so I drove 40 minutes out of my way. I always text if there is traffic. So I am knocking that one on the head. I made a point of asking what time they would be in, and I turned up before that time. I made it clear to the 85 year old and 65 year old at then end of the day that I was doing Grants writing on Wednesday. So I would do a small amount of Education stuff but would be doing Grants stuff. So I was explicit and clear with them both about what I would be doing. I will write an email to confirm that with them some time today. If I get offered paid work I will be taking that over volunteering.

And there is much worse bullying and mind games in schools because teachers are so overwhelmed and exhausted, so this is good practise for me in managing difficult people.

 

[ms spock]

So basically the 65 year isn't talking to me. So that's great really as she isn't bitching about the 85 year old within earshot of the 85 year old and every one else in the office. That is a fantastic outcome! So really that is a total win for me, because that was totally stressing me out.

 

[HealingInProcess]

So basically the 65 year isn't talking to me. So that's great really as she isn't bitching about the 85 year old within earshot of the 85 year old and every one else in the office. That is a fantastic outcome! So really that is a total win for me, because that was totally stressing me out.

Sounds like she's been helped by this feedback, whether she believes so or not. Sometimes someone has to say something or this type of stuff just goes on unchecked forever. Just imagine if people would actually stand up for themselves (and others) more, how much better would the world be? You inspire me Parth and you are very brave.

 

[ms spock]

Thanks for your feedback @HealingInProcess!

The Finnish Education System did research that found out that the victim and even the bully were irrelevant. What was important was what the bystanders do, if they say nothing then the bullying continues, if they intervene it stops. They did two research projects to find this information. Interesting stuff.

That the 65 year isn't talking to me basically is absolutely brilliant. It's a fantastic that now she isn't bitching about the 85 year old women within earshot of every one else in the office. A solid outcome! It brought down the stress level on everyone in the office yesterday.

A total win for me, because that was making it difficult for me. It was embarrassing! It was stressful!

It wasn't nice to be attacked and lied about, but it doesn't matter that much. It is what it is.

There are a lot of pros from this situation. I will have to list them later!

 

[ms spock]

Yes there is a lot going on for you Parth but hopefully it all settles soon.

Thanks @HealingInProgress it was great that I didn't get offered any work today. I really need the day off as I taught each day last week. Did a garage sale on Saturday, and was in training all day on Sunday, driving an hour each way. Yesterday was the stress of these two women. I did comfort eat last night. But overall given what I used to do, this is absolutely a magnificent achievement for me! I am doing so well!

 

[ms spock]

keep in mind that the dysfunction existed before your arrival... both organization and relational.

It is legendary the problems and arguments between those two.

Generally they only manage to keep new people for one day. New teachers quit after one day. Volunteers quit after one day. They can't maintain staff or volunteers because of the behaviours between the two of them.

 

[HealingInProcess]

It is legendary the problems and arguments between those two.

Generally they only manage to keep new people for one day. New teachers quit after one day. Volunteers quit after one day. They can't maintain staff or volunteers because of the behaviours between the two of them.

This is unfortunate.

 

[ms spock]

I emailed the 85 year old and the 65 year old that I wouldn't be in today last night as I had work elsewhere. The 85 year old emailed to ask me to lead the class on Friday. So whilst no ownership was taken changes have taken place. They aren't at each other's throats in the office - that's a bit remarkable.

 

[ms spock]

This is unfortunate.

***nods sagely***

 

[ms spock]

And they are going to pay me for Friday afternoon!

 

[HealingInProcess]

And they are going to pay me for Friday afternoon!

Woo!