How to work with co-workers who hate each other's guts?

[ms spock]

Thanks @HealingInProcess!

I have gone for the more tactful route, I have sent out some emails saying we need to demonstrate Trauma Sensitive Pedagogies in order to be eligible for funding. I also sent out the Australian Cross Curriculum Priorities of Sustainability and Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Histories and Cultures as other criteria that we need to meet before we can go for grants. Hopefully because of that they will reflect and change their behaviour, most likely not but I am thinking of it.

 

[ms spock]

I have probably spent too long on this today.

If I name the problem the problem might very well become my problem. I may just need to keep out of their way. I am not sure.

I do want one of the women to sign off on my hours and write me a reference so getting into conflict may not be professionally wise, and I only have to see them a couple of days per week. So I might just weather it. See how I go.

The other thing is that I have spent decades working on behaviour changes, and I worked really hard on it. And I don't see either of these women at 85 and 65 changing their ways. I can keep myself out of it though.

In schools it's a really tough culture, so this might be a really good way to practise managing that situation without being in it fulltime.

Thought I do keep thinking about quitting but I can stay here 3 months or 6 months. It is a fabulous networking situation. I am doing really well there. So I can keep my head down and just keep out of it. And well make the most of it and build up tolerance for working with really difficult people in the workplace.

 

[ms spock]

So talking about Trauma Sensitive Pedagogies a senior member asked me and I replied: ( in probably too long an email)

"But it is generally expected that we have done a certain level of training as a teacher. Child Protection Training is what we have to do each year now. It's mandatory. If you don't do it, you don't get to teach for the school year. This year I am expected to do a certain amount of training on Trauma Sensitive Pedagogies based on the latest research, so even workshops I did last year don't count. Some schools are very particular about the ways in which teachers speak to students, and the ways in which teachers interact and speak to each other. Role modelling co-operation and calmness are seen as the foundation for creating a space for learning for children from traumatised backgrounds. I have been reading the neurobiology of it - it's quite fascinating. It's also very helpful for those on the Spectrum as well."

So I have got it out there, amongst a whole lot of other stuff, but I got it out there.

 

[ms spock]

So I can keep my head down and just keep out of it. It is a fabulous networking situation. I am doing really well there. And well make the most of it and build up tolerance for working with really difficult people in the workplace. Thought I do keep thinking about quitting but I can stay here 3 months or 6 months.

The pros for staying are:
1. I get a reference
2. Teacher signs off on hours
3. Networking through the community so when I start my own business I already have contacts with everyone
4. I get to see whose who and how they behave from a certain vantage point.
5. Documentation of my teaching process in order to demonstrate proficiency.
6. Building resilience.
7. They are so incompetent that me doing a relatively small amount will make me look pretty good.
8. It is nowhere as stressful as working in an actual school, so it is an easing back into the workforce in a bit of an easier manner.

The cons are

1. It's a bit of a shitfight.
2. They aren't professional
3. There are OH&S issues that concern me
4. The 85 year old is very tactless in her assessments of children, in front of them at times.
5. One of the women is terribly anxious, distressed and resentful and that spills over all the time. It doesn't take much at all for her to bitch about the other woman indiscriminately at times, not far from where she is, and in front of everyone else.
6. How they behave and fight in front of the children and parents, at times, is appalling. Like their fight at the end of class about a children's art project with one insisting it was too difficult and the other one insisting it wasn't.
7.They were so busy fighting on Friday night that neither one thanked me from coming. The 85 year old was dumping my handbag and other gear outside the door as she was going to lock up and go home in a huff. I needed a drink, to go to the toilet, and to get my stuff. I didn't need all my stuff out on the street where it could get nicked by someone walking by. So I got a drink, and I got my stuff but I didn't get to go to the toilet, despite mentioning that I needed to go, and I had a 25 minute drive home. So the 85 year old didn't care about what was going on for me at all. She was just cranky and wanted to go home. Likewise the 65 year old stormed off and I almost stopped to talk to her, but stopped said I will see you next week and then drove off. They both behaved appallingly.

 

[ms spock]

Australian schools are really mega stressful to work in due to the standardised testing, NAPLAN, and the teachers are drowning in a sea of paperwork which is neoliberalist marketisation gone mad.

 

[HealingInProcess]

Yeah I often hear how stressful teaching can be.

 

[scout86]

And I don't see either of these women at 85 and 65 changing their ways

Probably not. But you may have a way to shift the focus by pointing out the "trauma informed" thing. SOME people could manage to behave approximately if they are told, specifically, what that is and that it's for the good the kids/ because law says so. They'll probably decide it's their idea....

When you described the older of the two, I couldn't help but wonder she's been like that her whole life, or she's having some age related mental problems.

On the plus side, sounds like you're getting a lot of practice adulting in adverse circumstances and you're doing pretty good.

 

[intothelight]

Toxic people and toxic work environments can take a huge toll on health and mental health over time. If you must work there then steer as clear of them as you can and limit any interaction just to get done what has to be done. The children need positive, optimistic, and enthusiastic teachers. If you can just focus on them, that would be best.

 

[ms spock]

The other thing is I can just take more and more casual work and gently phase myself out. So there is an out that won't cause hard feelings.

And casual work is not as scary as it once was after what I dealt with on Friday.

The casual teacher told me he is thinking of jumping ship, which is so sad because he is a brilliant teacher, but the good thing is that at least I met him. So that is good!

To get access to those networks would have taken a year or so, but that time has been cut really short by the positions that I am currently holding.

 

[ms spock]

I texted the 85 year old last night and said I couldn't make it to last nights celebration as I was bushed from all the grants writing, which is true. I did from 6am until 2pm yesterday. But I also didn't want to go as well.

 

[ms spock]

Probably not. But you may have a way to shift the focus by pointing out the "trauma informed" thing. SOME people could manage to behave approximately if they are told, specifically, what that is and that it's for the good the kids/ because law says so. They'll probably decide it's their idea....

Yes I will write more emails about this to them all. And I will write about Disability Discrimination.

When you described the older of the two, I couldn't help but wonder she's been like that her whole life, or she's having some age related mental problems.

She's just gotten old and she is not wanting to be old, and she won't let go of her baby which is the education side of things, which I understand! She can't cope with stress or things deviating from what she thinks they should be. She's terribly disorganised, and all over the place on one hand, but she is an incredibly talented and creative teacher on the other hand.

On the plus side, sounds like you're getting a lot of practice adulting in adverse circumstances and you're doing pretty good.

I haven't spacked out, lost my shit, gotten angry and quit and left, or had a go at anyone. I am doing really well. I needed to have gone in with a little less enthusiasm and not too many good ideas. I think I overwhelmed them, on one hand but on the other hand I have a range of quite sophisticated skills and we could have put in for a lot of grants by now. So they have wasted my time and wasted a valuable resource.

I can really see why most teachers quit after one day with these two.

 

[ms spock]

Toxic people and toxic work environments can take a huge toll on health and mental health over time. If you must work there then steer as clear of them as you can and limit any interaction just to get done what has to be done.

Yes one of the other teachers arrives 10 minutes before class and leaves straight away afterwards, and I can see why.

children need positive, optimistic, and enthusiastic teachers. If you can just focus on them, that would be best.

That's for sure! I have so much love to give.