How To?

[rocrileth]

This family member who molested me lead a very productive life and was well liked by everyone. In everyone's eyes he was perfect, he had a good job, a beautiful wife and lots of friends who looked up to him. Now I am trying to heal 35 years later with two broken marriages and countless broken relationships along with attempted suicides. For me to heal I will eventually have to tell my siblings but I am afraid of what they will think and afraid they will not believe me. How do you deal with the guilt that this was all my fault and how do you tell your family. Thank you

 

[MarkHutt]

Hi rocrileth,

I think I know what you mean (my parents used to be "on the top of society") - well, at least I'm weighing if I should say "I have C-PTSD", and that's it.

(BTW I'm not much in contact with my siblings, and most of them look up to parents, and I know they - at least most of them, think that I'm in trouble by my own faults. They are less traumatized, and typically hang on tightly to what I'm braking off.)

Just my 2 cents.

 

[CCurry]

Hi Rocrileth,

This might be a tough one in terms of telling your family but regardless of their reaction and whether they support you it is not your fault. I'm not sure if you are in therapy but it is important for you to understand that it is not.

I'm not sure the relation of this family member to you but my older brother molested me for many years growing up and when I finally decided to tell my parents, they did not believe me at first. The finally did later on but it not a kind, supportive what can we do for type of reaction. This is still an issue that I work on. I do not have any relation with my brother and my younger sister tells me just to get over it.

You have to do what's right for you. For me my box was getting too full and I could not longer continue to keep pressing that lid down and so I had to tell my family.

I hope you are in therapy?

 

[rocrileth]

Beginning therapy in janurary going to start with ptsd group session and personel therapist

 

[CCurry]

That's great, you're being proactive and you're getting support, good job.

 

[Healing Survivor]

What a good question! Wow, and such a difficult one, too. It's obviously going to be different in every case and every family, but no matter what the situation is, I agree that it's important to know it wasn't your fault. It's also important to have someone to support you. Even if that person's not in your family. When I told my family, I was initially supported and believed. Now, while my immediate family continues to be such, my extended family has drifted away. It's definitely a hard thing to deal with, but ultimately, the support comes from within yourself. Soooo good for me to say that! Thanks for writing this. Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.

 

[OMNICELL]

Not how, When! First. One step at a time. The idea of telling all of these people things that are overwhelming, is in fact setting myself up for what Im confertable being in. A highly unsafe overwhelming experience.

first rule. It needs to be safe for me. Safe for them. Putting myself into a situation that can cause such emotional trauma is not safe for me. Therefore, I owe no one anything. My safety comes first before anything.

Get Practice and advice. first recover. Next, get a therapist. Or a 12 step group. A Spensor. some one to work with. Someone to trust.

I do not want to make decisions with a PTSD Brain. That is not a rational place to go. Better to get outside feedback. Talk to others. Practice everything first.

Im going to assume that you will be told that you need much more work before you are ready to confront others.

HAng in their. Your right where your suppose to be.

 

[onebravegirl]

Slow down! You sound like you are getting way ahead of yourself. It is completely normal at the beginning stages of Therapy to look at all that you want to figure out and freak out a little about how you will ever be able to do it all.

Just start by sitting down in the Therapist office. Say what you want to say, establish trust, and take it a session at at time. YOU get to make the choices about what to talk about. Before "DOING" anything, just explore your thoughts, they will tell you when you are ready to talk about this with your family.

Glad you are here. Looking forward to learning more about you!
O