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How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

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*hugs* bit better today. Was an RDO :) actually got some house work done (well, dishes and rat cage.)

My burn is starting to get a bit tender, the white is having red bits come through :ick: It's healing though, and isn't hot so it isn't infected.

Had a chat with my mum, she is finally accepting that I have 'issues' as she likes to call them and understands that it was my brothers that caused it.

It actually made me feel better for me to hear it. I mean, it was a little bit of stress taken away that made me feel like I had one less thing to fight against.
I got through the shift :D

Which isn't to say I wasn't nervous, wasn't jumpy but I got through. I was some where between heart pounding dry mouth and sweats, but I got through :)
Nothing to seriously complain about today. A good day.

I will note though that one of my biggest frustrations days, even good ones, is that there is never, ever, enough time to accomplish all that I wish I could.

Not at all uncommon for life, only I still wish that I could free up more time, by dropping any further thought, painful rememberance, illness and symptoms entirely from my days so that I could move in other directions too, accomplish more goals and dreams, and be the Wife and Mommy, that I've placed my expectations at.

So, even on good days, there is this dissatisfying ache both in my heart and stomach that too frequently harrasses and signals me to know: I haven't done enough yet.

Naturally, this thought: 'I STILL HAVEN'T DONE ENOUGH YET', only perpetuates added stress in mine and my families lives. And, sometimes it's this damning thought: 'I'm not good enough, well enough, fit enough ......whatever enough...... yet. I MUST BE, MORE... DO, MORE... KNOW, MORE... SEE, MORE... ect., ect. ect., than I do, bc until I do I'M NOT ENOUGH!

Though I can see just in writing this my faulty thinking here; It's like deeply embedded in my psyche', and shoves and pushes me around days, wks. and mo.'s and even on good days. Some days are better than others, but I'm a pain in my ass with this typical thinking and believing of Mine. It goes as far as, feeling as if I'm being whipped ....... Quicker,...Faster,...More,...Better,...STILL NOT ENOUGH. Ouch!

The past few days have been a bit tougher lately. I'm tempted to go back on Wellbutrin to get me through. I'm trying hard not to go back since it's been three months since being off of it. Truly, I'm not horrible right now. I'm just going through some depression that is making me sleep a whole lot. Then, in turn, I don't get much done and beat myself up on not being the mom/housewife I should be. Things are starting to overwhelm me a bit too, financially, since Leo's 10 day stay at the hospital was like 40K and our insurance is being jacka$$es about it and well, Christmas is coming....aaaargggh! It's supposed to be happy!! Where's my HAPPY?
What do you think a mom/housewife should be? Are you putting unreasonable demands on yourself? Are the kids' tummies full and them clean? If so you are done :) A new little one makes even the super moms stressed, tired, and not so super mommy. Don't forget that. Dinners may not be cooked, laundry could probably use washing, toys need picking up... All normal with the new little ones, especially if you have PTSD. Hee hee my baby is about to be 4 in a couple weeks and it is still like that around here. It is hard for me to swallow some days but I am getting better at it. I used to be super mom almost 10 years ago, it just ain't happening now!

Insurance and medical bills; remember do your best to understand and accept what you can control and not control. Oh, it is hard no doubt.

The thing that is the neat thing about kids, Christmas can still be done as they do not look at price tags and they want one of everything. You can get the cheap stuff, they will still be happy. I do not buy for adults as to me this is really for the kids so I do not have that extra headache. I think we are going to try to find something for inlaws this year as were taking off guard last year being so close to them they loaded us down in gifts... I don't want to but don't want to feel like a heel again either. I won't be doing the shopping though.

Who says Christmas is happy LOL? I am always happy it is over, it is like great I can resume life again! Life is not what is on the outside of a hallmark card portrays. Christmas is crunching numbers, juggling bills, staying up too late trying to make sure the kids think it was Santa and not you who ate the cookies... And hopefully the kids know what the true meaning behind Christmas some where along the way.

What ever you decide good luck with it and I hope you feel better soon. But I think it would be pretty normal with what you have going right now to want to stay in bed, at least until the holidays are over ;)
My day is OK. This evening is proving a little harder. Dealing with panic attacks is a major pain in the ass. My heart decided to give me a little extra with the palpitations. Felt like it just backfired, like it was trying to go through a beat and it tried to add an extra. Instead of fluttery it felt like it tried to flip over and took my breath away. I keep telling myself I am not having a heart attack or I would not be typing, eventually I will believe it.
Most excellent day! Rocky start but no anxiety or stress this evening, in a great mood. I think chat made me happy :)
My young daughter :smile: says, hi and this forum is cool, bc you get to have messages go to other people's computers and it pops up.

:wink:..., Have Fun, she says.

ps. My day's going reasonably well, and I've just now tried to attach a little artwork gift she want's to give. Hope it attaches properly and shows up. She's helped me notice and point out little meanings and messages in each of her little drawings, so again I hope it displays.



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    daughters Artwork.gif
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I'm exhausted, sore and cranky. Matt started shoveling at 11:30 am, I started around noon, my neighbor helped, another neighbor helped. We stopped for supper. Went back out and did another half hour. Finally done with some six foot snowbanks. It had better not snow tonight or tomorrow! I'm too tired for any more right now! Schools are shut down (and they don't shut down by the way...) city buses are shut down etc.. They are having to close streets to plow and remove because there is so much that we are out of room already! Now I'm used to snow.. but this is ridiculous! ARRRRRRGGGG...

I need to go soak in the tub....

Bec, Wow, 6ft. snowbanks, I think my children would love to move up North where you're. We got the teeniest, tiniest amount of snow, though it's freezing out with ice and all, where's our snow? My children want it so.

Sounds like you got both a work-out and a soak in the tub, and some snow. I'm minimizing the some snow, huh? Anyhow, perhaps it has slowed down or stopped now and is not just adding. Has it?

If I were you bec, I'd force myself to soak in the tub DAILY, and perhaps with some music or a self-recording of pers. postivie affirmations or something, and all for an accumulative effect and prep, for anymore snow yet to come.

Hang in there bec, and yet, If it's at all possible please do take it easy while doing so.


ps. bec, I do apoligize, if this annoys you, for my 'snow comparison' and the tiniest amount of teasing here, I'm simply hoping you'll get a giggle or two.

Truly though, no sh't, even though I'd be far from thrilled, rather worn-out, irritable and perhaps even pissed off depending, My kids would simply be in esctasy.
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