D
Deleted member 93
I feel like hammered dog shit today. Man, it is nice to be feeling better!
The rage coming off the zoloft is settling down. Thank God. Nightmares beyond extreme lastnight. One crazy too. Back to not not being able to recall. One that I did I woke in a panic attack full swing. Hubs was practically holding me down, I was having a hard time coming out of it. Then I was trying to get a grip on the attack. Hard ride. The other one I remember waking in panic again but do not recall any of that dream. I remember having two rough spots last night awaking. Hubs said I did it all night swearing it seemed like every 1/2 hour or so to him. I do not remember any of that.
I finally got out of bed this AM and felt so jittery. Y&A's word twitchy is a good description.
Suddenly overwhelmed in sadness with the jitters trying not to have another attack. To suddenly a couple hours later like a big breath blowing threw my soul to calmness. I know, talk about mood swings!
I am so tired but I sure as hell don't want to sleep. The crazy nightmare I recalled bits of I was trying to shed my body, get out of it, it was dying and I had to get out of it. Hey Boo, you are the dream master around here... any clues? Down side I was being told by someone I would go to hell. It had been a while and it jogged the memory of I have had dreams where I was going to be sent to hell before. I could not breathe and woke hypervenalating.
Hubs reading the book is getting better at helping me see things/or him see (and I also see him having his heart broken and reading symptoms and sereverity and looking at me saying you never have done things half assed have you?). It was the middle of the night and he is trying to "coach and guide" me through the attack semi-restraining me and then when I was saying "I am dying, they said I will be sent to hell"... "They keep telling me that". He helped snap me back by saying my name and telling me that someone probably had told me that to control me in the past. (I dont remember it if it is true), but that I am not and that is the past. He was telling me they were lying to me. He seemed to think I was reliving something from younger years.
My muscles are so very sore, I feel like I did more of a work out all night rather than sleep. I may sign off and doze before the children get home, but it is scary. Like a freddy kruger thing, will I wake alive. Last night was pretty terrifying. I know it is nonsense but you know how it goes.
But over all I have improved in massive amounts today over the way the last week has gone. And I clearly see the events of the last week combined with the final cut in zoloft was just the makings for a very hard crash and burn. Seeing it and throughly understanding that helps. Espesially when I see improvement and that it isn't stuck this way.
Will be giving myself a little extra TLC and try not to stress myself until I feel back to par for the course. Enjoy my cats, soft PJs, curl up in a big cozy blanket on the sofa and watch south park while sipping my tea.
Yes, feel like shit, but it is nice to just feel like shit after this week! I know a couple of you were concerned by what my posts reflected. Thank you for being my friends. Wow I said friends :), it means a lot y'all got my back. Hugs!
Oh and Nam, something you told me a while back. Not all memories surfaced are bad. I had another. I saw the inside of a "haunted house" in an ad on TV for halloween, you know the kind you walk through and people jump out to scare the shit out of you? Well, I remember being in one. I also remember my bro there dressed in a huge bunny costume. Well I hated the haunted house as I was too little IMO to be in one but there was nothing bad in it from bro. So you were right. I am sure all the halloween stuff is what pulled it out. But nothing bad with bro in that one, they are coming out slowly.
The rage coming off the zoloft is settling down. Thank God. Nightmares beyond extreme lastnight. One crazy too. Back to not not being able to recall. One that I did I woke in a panic attack full swing. Hubs was practically holding me down, I was having a hard time coming out of it. Then I was trying to get a grip on the attack. Hard ride. The other one I remember waking in panic again but do not recall any of that dream. I remember having two rough spots last night awaking. Hubs said I did it all night swearing it seemed like every 1/2 hour or so to him. I do not remember any of that.
I finally got out of bed this AM and felt so jittery. Y&A's word twitchy is a good description.
Suddenly overwhelmed in sadness with the jitters trying not to have another attack. To suddenly a couple hours later like a big breath blowing threw my soul to calmness. I know, talk about mood swings!
I am so tired but I sure as hell don't want to sleep. The crazy nightmare I recalled bits of I was trying to shed my body, get out of it, it was dying and I had to get out of it. Hey Boo, you are the dream master around here... any clues? Down side I was being told by someone I would go to hell. It had been a while and it jogged the memory of I have had dreams where I was going to be sent to hell before. I could not breathe and woke hypervenalating.
Hubs reading the book is getting better at helping me see things/or him see (and I also see him having his heart broken and reading symptoms and sereverity and looking at me saying you never have done things half assed have you?). It was the middle of the night and he is trying to "coach and guide" me through the attack semi-restraining me and then when I was saying "I am dying, they said I will be sent to hell"... "They keep telling me that". He helped snap me back by saying my name and telling me that someone probably had told me that to control me in the past. (I dont remember it if it is true), but that I am not and that is the past. He was telling me they were lying to me. He seemed to think I was reliving something from younger years.
My muscles are so very sore, I feel like I did more of a work out all night rather than sleep. I may sign off and doze before the children get home, but it is scary. Like a freddy kruger thing, will I wake alive. Last night was pretty terrifying. I know it is nonsense but you know how it goes.
But over all I have improved in massive amounts today over the way the last week has gone. And I clearly see the events of the last week combined with the final cut in zoloft was just the makings for a very hard crash and burn. Seeing it and throughly understanding that helps. Espesially when I see improvement and that it isn't stuck this way.
Will be giving myself a little extra TLC and try not to stress myself until I feel back to par for the course. Enjoy my cats, soft PJs, curl up in a big cozy blanket on the sofa and watch south park while sipping my tea.
Yes, feel like shit, but it is nice to just feel like shit after this week! I know a couple of you were concerned by what my posts reflected. Thank you for being my friends. Wow I said friends :), it means a lot y'all got my back. Hugs!
Oh and Nam, something you told me a while back. Not all memories surfaced are bad. I had another. I saw the inside of a "haunted house" in an ad on TV for halloween, you know the kind you walk through and people jump out to scare the shit out of you? Well, I remember being in one. I also remember my bro there dressed in a huge bunny costume. Well I hated the haunted house as I was too little IMO to be in one but there was nothing bad in it from bro. So you were right. I am sure all the halloween stuff is what pulled it out. But nothing bad with bro in that one, they are coming out slowly.
