General Hug A Carer Thread

[Wastinglight]

Just stumbled upon this old thread - it made me cry happy tears. Any carers who need a virtual hug today - have a read if you haven't already. It might just give you that little extra boost that you need to get through the day. Hugs to all you brave and wonderful people out there - sufferers and supporters!

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

Hello everyone,

I realize this thread is pretty old, but I still want to comment regardless...As someone who has been a carer to their best friend for around 10 years, I often do feel underappreciated, invalidated or powerless...I really, really needed to see this. Thank you, all of you. Sometimes I feel like I'm a failure for being unable to physically help my loved one and rid her of her pain, and sometimes I feel like my feelings and problems are miniscule compared to hers and everyone elses. I have ADHD and Asperger's Disorder, but sometimes I feel like because I don't have something like PTSD or depression, my struggles and feelings don't matter and her feelings are more important than mine. But this helped me realize that I matter too. Thank you, everyone :)

 

[Tinyflame]

@RecedingMoonlight I saw this yesterday & I was mortified. I don't have a 'carer' but a friend of years who has given me oodles of help (all, with the ptsd) has ADHD & I'm learning about it (in my family as well). If anything, not only in general but specific to that all I know is I don't know if it's adhd or ptsd but the similarities are huge. Therefore if anything you are dealing with the same. In fact, when I found out a bit (not knowing) I said the stress of ptsd (added) is too much. Gross. :( They say 'no' but Idk. :(

I hope you're not walking on eggshells. :( (I am a supporter of sorts, too.)

PS, love your avatar. The moon makes me feel better. (And I learned how to spell 'receding' lol. :) ) :hug:

PSS, I think that's really kind/ true to want to take the pain away. That means everything, because no one specifically can (for another).

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

@Junebug Oh, I wasn't actually aware of that! The thing is with ADHD, there's two or...maybe three types, I'm not sure, but there's hyperactive type, and Inattentive type (which is why ADHD used to be called ADD, until they changed it). I have the inattentive type, although I do know some people with ADHD experience bouts of anxiety or stress because their mind is all over the place and repeatedly can't finish or focus on a single task. I take Adderall for my ADHD, so I can find myself focusing, but it has to be on one task at a time. Multitasking is impossible for me.

Sometimes I feel like I do - this is because my best friend has so many triggers and for all of her 21 years of her life, her feelings and emotions have been dismissed and she was abandonned by friends and tossed aside many times, making her PTSD symptoms really, really bad. For years and years, her parents refused to bring her to a doctor, and it took her to have to get out of their house and go to a doctor HERSELF in order to get diagnosed with Social Anxiety, Depression and PTSD. And even AFTER being officially diagnosed by her professional her parents are like "HUR HUR, YOU CAN'T HAVE PTSD BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A WAR VETERAN." I...what. Sir and madam. Do you understand how mental disorders work. Clearly not. Jesus. Either way, she has severe seperation anxiety from me and telling her anything regarding romance, sex or alcohol really sends her haywire...which means that any mention to her that I have a boyfriend doesn't sit well with her. Yikes. It's hard sometimes, but I don't blame her...she's just scared. Once she goes through therapy and returns to school in the fall, I'm sure she'll slowly start to heal. She's started to make friends with a few people too, anyway.

PS: Haha, thank you! The moon always makes me smile, it's somewhat symbolic for me. Glad you like it :)

PPS: Ever since I was a kid I've always wanted to take away her pain...idk. I always felt like it was unfair that she had to go through all that. For some reason I felt like I would be able to deal with pain, because seeing her free and happy from it gives me hope. I know maybe it's a foolish thing to say, but I wish I could do more than I already do.

 

[Tinyflame]

@RecedingMoonlight , I don't think I'd call it foolish, very kind of course. But what does it give you hope of?

I can't quite relate to separation anxiety (except in terrifying surroundings) with ptsd, it's more fear of attachment, leaving is easier. It's a terrible shame with the lack of understanding or support, but I do understand that. :(

Not sure re: ADHD a friend said about the subtypes on here as well, but from what I've heard there is wonder if the inattentive type is a different condition entirely. Or that everyone is inclined to a combination. I just know that my aunt/ family members never lost the hyperactivity (which is more uncommon). Plenty to deal with anyway.

Well I think when I was younger I was more concerned with having my stuff influence/ hold back/ be not-enough-or or deleterious to others. With age part of that comes concern for others' happiness, dreams, comfort & mental & physical health & well-being. Aware of stress/ mortality.

Best wishes for you & your friend. :hug:

ETA, 21 is really young to learn that much. Hopefully she will be ok. Wish I knew then what I know now.

The only people who it's the business of re: dating are the people themselves. You should be dating, you're 21.

 

[Tinyflame]

Actually the real shame is there should be more than 29 posts to thank carers in 6+ years. :sorry:

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

@Janebug I think the reason why it makes me hopeful is because seeing people in pain or periods of suffering slowly recovering and healing and finally seeing them happy just makes me really, really hopeful. It makes me believe that even if things do go horribly wrong, with some time, love, support and healing, things can get better. I know that the healing process takes a long, long time, and it can be really messy, maybe spanning over several years, but in the end, seeing people who were once suffering finally feel happy...idk, I feel like sympathetic relief for them. Maybe I'm just overempathetic for people, idk.

The inattentive type is a LITTLE different from Hyperactive type...Essentially, the hyperative type is super unfocused and your mind is racing back and forth between tasks and in the end not completing them at all. You can get easily bored, very restless, hating to stand still. If the task is not SUPER engaging (like video games, for example) being able to complete a task is hard. While the inattentive type is just...general zoning out. You get 'bored' very easily and if something feels dull or uninteresting, your mind wanders and you daydream or go do something else. Inattentive type might get restless, but just in general they mostly have trouble retaining focus on something. That's where the ridiculous "I have ADHD - oh hey look, a shiny thing" comes from. Hyperactive type is constantly moving. Inattentive type dozes from inital task and their minds sort of wander or go blank, or go do something more interesting. At least, that's what I think it is. I might be wrong.

Idk, as a kid I was just mega attached to my best friend. At first I was just trying to help her, but over time I just grew a general desire to help other people, cause I realized no one deserves to feel in pain. Even if I can't help everyone, I'd like to say I do what I can do.

Thank you so so much for the best wishes! :) Best wishes for you and your friends and family too :hug: