Hug etiquette

[Rose White]

For you to say I don't feel comfortable hugging more than x, y, or z, nothing personal. You can't help it if you really mean it and you say so and they take it personally. But I would think they would be more hurt to feel you were lying.

It would hurt my mom if I said anything and then I would have to help her with her hurt feelings, which would be a big payoff for her in terms of emotional supply. I know that it’s not my responsibility how someone reacts, but since I *do* have a relationship with her and I know her rules, we are not operating under the premise that people manage their own reactions.

And you would *think* that it might hurt someone if they knew you were lying about wanting hugs and I-love-you’s right?? But not in codependency land—there the lies are an important part of the relationship, sadly. Because I’m in contact with my mom, I know her rules and I mostly just be present with her and try not to get into too deep of conversation with her. I keep it surface.