General Hurting.. Crying ... Alone

[Francis Cory]

Every day I am there for him. Every day I do everything I can to make life easier for him. But where is my hug and comfort? Things were so wonderful but the pattern continues. He loves me for 10 weeks and begins to drift awcau again. The pain is hurting so bad tonight. I just feel so alone and I can't stop crying. I am trying to stay supportive but its so hard when I get nothing in return. I need him to comfort me but he can't. Just don't know what to do...

 

[Francis Cory]

I want my husband to be happy. I want my husband back...

 

[amethist]

Hi Francis

I have just read some of your posts, and I can see how hard this is for you right now. I will come back later and post more for you. I have to go off line for now but I will come back later.

If you post where you are in the world you are I can come on line at a time you are on, and maybe a private chat in the chat room will help you.

Amethist

 

[sad2010]

Hi Francis, I so understand how you feel, most times "i am in control" I know it is the PTSD that makes him numb. distant, cold, but since Oct, I have been dealing with this, and after a bit the hurt and being scared, wears on me. I understand it all, then 2 mins i dont and i take it all personally. i just want to say, dont u see how you are hurting me, but I would never do that, they truly dont see it. BUT it doesnt mean the carer isnt suffering too. I read and read and read and have wonderful friends that "listen" but there are days when i JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE, I think to myself just 1 hr of life before, so I can rest my brain.... Just know that there are many of "us" out there fighting this battle, and we are together in spirit...
I will be praying for you,,, be strong. Remember you have feelings too and they count

 

[OKRADLAK]

(((Francis))))

This is why I never let anyone get close to me. I do this, too.

 

[Ysabella]

I wish I could reach out and give you a hug Francis. Since I cannot, please give yourself a big hug. I am new to this forum and to dealing with PTSD but I do know that taking care of yourself is important. I hope you can find some "you" time to work through this and have the strength to go forward.

 

[wife of]

I am feeling your despondancy by the bucket load as I'm in exactly the same place right now.

 

[sad2010]

I guess I am just having a weekend where I need to vent, feeling sorry for myself, whatever u want to call it.

Right now I feel like he just wants to end it, but doesn't what to be direct. It is just driving me crazy.

I have been on two long walks this weekend, gotten away from the house, but I can not stop thinking about this, I get no warmth, no love, and attacked at anything I say. I think about walking away, but fear that would set them over the edge, when will this ever end.

I read that I have to be willing to be with this "new" person, but I dont even know what the person is going to turn out to be yet. I think I am feeling, allowing myself to give up that they will pull out and I am now grieving for the man that I lost.

I just dont know what to do anymore.

<Grammar corrected by Amethist>

 

[ISupportHer]

Despondency certainly is a reaction that can become very hard to deal with as the PTSD relationship continues. I don't have any magic answers, since I am here, LOL. My response to a lot of things now is to try to beak it down, If I am very down, look at any contributing factors as far as MY part of it. What am I afraid of or angry at? Then I try to address the little pieces. Does it always work? Not really. But at then at least I then I feel like I am doing SOMETHING. Not just playing the victim. (saying this about ME, not anyone else) If I am so despondent I cannot function, then it is time for outside help. Hence my episodes of seeing therapists.

ISH

 

[sad2010]

I just miss him and miss us,

 

[Francis Cory]

Thank all of yall for commenting! It is very nice to know I am not alone. Most days all I feel is alone. Sad 2010 I completely understand what you are saying. I am going through something very similar. It's like everything that I say is wrong. And then he turns everything around and says that it's my fault. When I'm crying and he notices he just yells at me for it. He doesn't hug me or hold me. Today he told me that when I kiss him he is extremely uncomfortable and freaks out. He says that he is unattached and diconnected. I am extremely happy that he is at least sharing his feelings with me. He says that he loves me and it's nothing that I did. I love him... I want to know when my feelings start to become important. When will he hold me when I'm crying. Or for goodness sake when is he going to tell me everything is going to be ok? I tell him everyday. I reassure him every day. I'm going crazy. I literally feel like I am losing a part of myself. I fell like I am constantly looking over my shoulder and watching what I say. But I'm really trying...I haven't asked him if we are ok in 4 days. I usually ask him every few hours because I'm so paranoid that he will leave again. But I have stopped because he doesn't like it. I have stopped trying to kiss him and trying to get him to talk to me. When will he try to help me? Am I not important?.....

 

[Nerdanna]

Francis, take care of yourself. You are important. My situation is very similar.