Sufferer Hurting

[BurtonA]

Tonight is rough, another day of explaining the brusies that i couldn't hide. Wishing I could sleep forever. But not an option. This man I love, how can he be so mean?

 

[ladee]

Welcome to the forum.
How can we help you?
I'm sorry you are being hurt by someone you love.
Are you in danger? Is there anyone you can call?

 

[desiderata310]

Because he's an abuser. You're in an abusive relationship and it's not going to change till you leave.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

But YOU have to make that decision.

 

[BurtonA]

Welcome to the forum.
How can we help you?
I'm sorry you are being hurt by someone you love.
Are you in...

He is staying in the guest room. I know he feels bad, he is normally a great man, but sometimes i trip over his landmines and he changes. I don't understand it.

 

[BurtonA]

Because he's an abuser. You're in an abusive relationship and it's not going to change till you l...

It is just not that simple, I know it should be, I just wish he would get better.

 

[Fadeaway]

It sounds like you are in a domestic violence relationship, yet you clearly love him. The most important thing to remember is that you have done nothing to warrant him treating you this way. We are here to support you in any way we can. You are going to get a lot of people telling you to leave, but I know it isn't that easy to do.

If you are ready to leave, we can support you through it along with practical advise from those of us who have been in your shoes.

If you aren't we are still here to support you and help you find ways to stay safe.

 

[Fadeaway]

It is just not that simple, I know it should be

It's NOT that simpleand no, it shouldn't be simple because we are complex beings who enter complex relationships.

 

[BurtonA]

It sounds like you are in a domestic violence relationship, yet you clearly love him. The most importa...

Thank you, I know I must look foolish to not grab my bags and run. Even the old me that lives in my head is angry that i haven't. I just can't yet. I just need him so bad to get help.

 

[desiderata310]

Oh, no. I know it's 'never that simple'.
I was in the same place you were in a lot of ways. It took him losing his temper one night, threatening my entire family, raping me and choking me unconscious to get me to leave.
I understand complicated. I understand 'his being sweet and kind sometimes.

Cycle of Abuse
His anger is his problem, not yours. The only question is if you're going to let it continue. Someone needs to leave that house, preferably him.
He needs to get therapy.
so do you.
Hey. I'm blunt. I'm blunt because I get it and it took someone being blunt to me to help jolt me into action the next day.
Think of it this way: if you love him you will insist that one of you depart till he gets a handle on this (at least) because he will wind up in jail.

 

[Fadeaway]

You don't look foolish at all. Leaving can be dangerous, scary, full of grief and all sorts of other unpleasantness. I stayed years longer than I should have. The thing is though, unless he gets serious help, it is only going to get worse. You can't make him get help though, he has to want it.

 

[desiderata310]

Oh and as for looking foolish, I lived in my situation for 5 years.
Took me 5 years of it to finally figure it out.
Nah. The fact that you're here is good but what is more important is what steps you do next and when.

Yeah, we will be supportive. Just don't wait for the cycle to come around again. K? Next time it will be worse and you might not be able to post because you'll be in a hospital bed or worse.

 

[Chiqui]

Do you hurt him when he trip over your landmines?
You say you love him. Does he loves you as much as you do?
Keep safe and find help, please.