13 long weeks, I can proudly state that I have a hit a landmark. I have to say, it feels great. When I reviewed my first written account and to the last one written, I am amazed how many details I was able to remember. What is even better is that I no longer react physically or emotionally when I recount the event. I trusted my Therapist, but I really didn't believe him that I would be able to conquer this. Ah, but I did!
Probably like most of you, my story was just a few paragraphs in the beginning, it then turned into a 4 page police report, and it finally end up being a 17 page story (with sidebars).
What I did:
I read the story every day, at home or during my appointment. When something didn't feel right, I would stop and just start writing whatever was in my mind. I ended up with 5 versions of the event in the end. When reading this no longer worked, I turned it into a narrative that I listened to. I would listen to a 10 muscle relaxation before, then the event, and followed it with a 10 minute meditation session. I ended up making three different variations of the audio, each one becoming more realistic by adding sounds and space for my brain to imagine it. I also segregated the problem areas so I could repeat these sections many times in a row to desensitize myself to it all within one session. Time consuming, but it worked. BTW: Audacity is a great free recording tool for your computer.
No worries, I know that the process ahead, cognitive restructuring etc., will not be easy either. I have already had one small success with this yesterday. I received an email from a co-worker and I reacted to it like I would have in the past, but this time I was able to recognize exactly what I was doing and acknowledge that it was my own misconception of what the person was trying to convey that was making me angry. The downside, I vexed over it the rest of the day. So yes, I still have a long way to go.
Hoping success to fellow suffers. It REALLY can happen!
Probably like most of you, my story was just a few paragraphs in the beginning, it then turned into a 4 page police report, and it finally end up being a 17 page story (with sidebars).
What I did:
I read the story every day, at home or during my appointment. When something didn't feel right, I would stop and just start writing whatever was in my mind. I ended up with 5 versions of the event in the end. When reading this no longer worked, I turned it into a narrative that I listened to. I would listen to a 10 muscle relaxation before, then the event, and followed it with a 10 minute meditation session. I ended up making three different variations of the audio, each one becoming more realistic by adding sounds and space for my brain to imagine it. I also segregated the problem areas so I could repeat these sections many times in a row to desensitize myself to it all within one session. Time consuming, but it worked. BTW: Audacity is a great free recording tool for your computer.
No worries, I know that the process ahead, cognitive restructuring etc., will not be easy either. I have already had one small success with this yesterday. I received an email from a co-worker and I reacted to it like I would have in the past, but this time I was able to recognize exactly what I was doing and acknowledge that it was my own misconception of what the person was trying to convey that was making me angry. The downside, I vexed over it the rest of the day. So yes, I still have a long way to go.
Hoping success to fellow suffers. It REALLY can happen!
