Husband Isn't Dealing Well With My Ptsd

[sunnydayz]

So, it was just recently that we discovered what I am dealing with. He was actually the one who brought it to my attention and prompted me to seek professional help.

We believe he is the cause of my PTSD to extent. Anyway, he has been very, very depressed lately. Yesterday, I found him just sitting in the bottom of the shower. At this point, he had been done with his shower for at least 10 minutes. On a couple of occasions, he has just hid in the closet to sulk on a day we had off together or in our room all day. He tells me he hates his life. I find this hard because the only bad thing going for him is our marital problems. When I say that, he tells me none of the good matters if this doesn't work.

He feels awful for what he has done to me. It's really hard for my to comfort him because of the history. I know he had thoughts of suicide when he was younger, and now if worries me when he gets in these "moods" that I will find him. It is making if very difficult for me to deal with my own problems when I am constantly worried about him.

I just don't know what to do....

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It's time for your husband to also get professional help.

 

[katiekat]

Yikes... Sorry to hear this. I agree with Ayesha-he needs to also be in therapy. If he wants any chance at the relationship lasting, he should be more than happy to seek his own therapy. Good luck and take care of yourself first!!

 

[a3a2]

Time for both of you to get help.

 

[Hashi]

We believe he is the cause of my PTSD to extent.

He feels awful for what he has done to me. It's really hard for my to comfort him because of the history

Do you mean he is/was abusive?

 

[sunnydayz]

I have mentioned to him numerous times that I want him to seek help. I don't know how to make him go though.

 

[sunnydayz]

Do you mean he is/was abusive?

Yes, he was. He has stopped the behavior.

 

[Hashi]

I'm a bit confused. Because of you saying that, I looked up your other thread. It was making sense... effect of the medication in the past, which he has now stopped, and then you said:

Before my first appointment, I told him how I am feeling. He understood and said he would work on it. Well, he still is all over me, tries to pressure me into sex and when I don't want to or don't respond to his touch, he makes me feel bad about it. Last night I gave in because he was wearing me thin with his daily pressure. I cried and it took my back to the way I felt 2 years ago.

This is a form of abuse, especially given the background you have. It's hardly the behaviour of someone who truly feels remorse. Nor is refusal to get help. I feel that the manipulation of crying in the shower is very unhealthy and unfair behaviour too.

I don't think this is as clear as "used to be abusive". It's typical of abuse that the person being abused feels for the problems that the abuser is going through, finds reasons for what's happening etc. This sounds quite complicated. I hope you get established with a good therapist who can help you.

 

[sunnydayz]

Thank you Hashi. I try to be a reasonable person, and I believe what you said to be true. I just need to stay strong and try to put myself first, which is very hard to do.

 

[Hashi]

I just need to stay strong and try to put myself first, which is very hard to do.

We will support you in that. :)

 

[Pencil]

So, it was just recently that we discovered what I am dealing with. He was actually the one who brought it to my attention and prompted me to seek professional help.

Forgive me if I'm morbid and/or cynical. It struck me that HE behaves towards you in a way that YOU end up with a disorder that YOU now have to deal with, but HE now can't cope with it, and YOU are now concerned about HIM. What's wrong with this picture?

In addition, I can't help wondering WHY he prompted you to seek professional help. Could you perhaps explain a little?

 

[katiekat]

Pencil has a point. I think your husband is manipulating you into believing there is something wrong with you, so you sought help and came back and told him you have PTSD because of his behavior, and now he is making you feel guilty about it. This is emotional abuse. He must get help or you are wasting your time in your own therapy. My therapist told me that if only one person in the relationship gets help, they start to get better, become more stable and start moving forward in life, leaving the other person behind. You will probably start to grow apart and eventually you will realize what you want from life, which may not be him... sorry if this comes off harsh. Hopefully your therapist can help you sort it all out.