Supporter Husband Of Wife With Ptsd

[intothelight]

Conflict errupted.

Would you add some more information as it isn't clear as to the type of conflict and what was involved. A lot of people with PTSD, myself included, are conflict avoidant. However, when feeling threatened at some level, most people will respond with a "fight, flight or freeze". PTSD does tend to exaggerate the response and can do so in both the interpretation of the event and to an event. Becoming familiar with cognitive distortions is helpful.

 

[mywifestrigger]

The conflict that errupted was that I asked my son to get a baby sitter for his two sons or take his two sons with him and our daughter-in-law as they were within 5 blocks of their home and their sons, because my daughter-in-law also needed a break from the hospital and she was getting her driver's license. When I asked my son to either take his sons with him and our daughter-in-law or get a babysitter for their children for three hours, he agreed to get a babysitter. He also told me that he was considering getting my wife an airline ticket and sending her back to me.

A couple of hours went by. Our son did not get a babysitter and asked my wife to ask their neighbor next door that operates a daycare from her home. My wife asked the neighbor. The neighbor watches children from 4:30 am to 6:00 pm. So my wife was asking for child care from 6:00 to 9:00 pm, because my wife felt she needed to get her hair restyled, due to a really bad highlighting the week prior that was driving my wife to a very frustrated state of being. The neighbor explained that she could not watch our grandkids. My wife told our son, and our son chose to respond by telling my wife to get her hair restyled in a few days.

My wife then called me. I listened again. I suggested that she get a cab and take our grandsons with her and get her hair restyled. She decided to walk to the shop that was only one mile away with our two grandsons in a double stroller. I said that would be great and text me when she arrived.

Our son returned when my wife was just about finished at the hair salon and picked up our grandsons. In my wife's judgement, our son was not happy and kind to the women at the salon, and was abrupt with her. When my wife finished, my son was waiting in the car and asked her to get in. My wife chose to walk home. My son was very upset and my wife called me. I listened and my wife told me she was walking to get rid of the stress. (I understand walking to get rid of stress)

 

[Never Give Up]

@mywifestrigger - it sounds like everyone is up tight. It must hard on everyone. I think your wife did the right thing. I assume she has been available and ready to serve for many hours of the day. I understand that she needed a break and 3 hours seems like a small gap of time not for others to fret over. I think by you listening to her may have been just what she needed from you.
By having your wife out an involved in social activities with her family may help her cope with her anger issues since she is forced to make her own decisions while interacting with the family.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Everyone is up tight. Our grandson had another MRI and the results came back unchanged. This is +/- because, although he is not getting worse, the antibiotics are also not improving his condition.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Hope and praying that you and your wife are better!

 

[Never Give Up]

A relaxed weekend for me. daughter gone, wife decided to leave for the weekend to avoid me. It was just me and the dog. No arguments, no wondering, no stress from past conversations to bring up. I am seeing that she will at least respond back when I say something like "good morning" but that is about it. A small victory towards better communication.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Great to hear that you are getting a reprieve from the assult! I find it challenging to separate the accuser from the sister, and it is in those times my emotions are stirred. I continue to pray for you, your wife and your marriage daily. God is more than able to recreate your marriage into what He is looking for. Stay the course. Remain faithful. Be encouraged.

My wife continues to be with our two grandchildren. My son and daughter-in-law are staying at the hospital with Gabriel, their youngest son who is battling spinal meningitis. Gabriel is scheduled for another MRI on Thursday. If the fluid in his brain that is suspected to be a bacterial infection remains unchanged, then the surgeon will decide what to do this Thursday.

It is my understanding of my wife's symptomology of her PTSD that she "NEEDS" to be angry at someone all the time. Therefore, I am my wife's trigger. Drama insued last week because my wife "Needed" to have her hair repaired immediately and I was caught in the fray that my wife created. I defended her need to have a three hour break and for her to have her hair repaired. The timing of her demand was miserable. Our son could not take her behavior anymore based on what he was going through.

He talked to me and stated he could not deal with his mom any more and asked me to deal with her. So I did. I simply spoke truth to her and explained that she needed to serve our son and daughter and not make any demands on them. She then focused all of her PTSD pent up rage at me. She has been angry at me for the last three days. She lives to comfort the rage within her mind and heart.

 

[Never Give Up]

@mywifestrigger - that peaceful feeling has been stomped on. Just this morning 7:20 AM est. - I was greeted outside from my wife while I was unthawing and heating up my car since it is brutally cold where I live. She was asking me where my SI Swimsuit issue was...she wanted to see it. I had it shredded it at work since I didn't want it in my house or an excuse to be blamed for.

She made it clear that she will never, ever speak with our pastor and elders again. I guess she didn't like what they had told her about our marriage. She is only staying in our marriage due to the convenience of my insurance and income. I had asked her why does she want to remain married to someone she does not want to be with. She couldn't answer that question. I was told I was condescending and she stormed back inside. She will not get help, I asked her about couples counseling which she refuses to entertain that.

mywifestrigger- I really hope things work out with your family and the illness of your grandchild. It must be hard for your son and wife dealing with medical issues knowing that it is out of their control, yet seeing your child in pain. I also hope your wife understands that it is not normal to designate a person to be mad at in order to cope with her issues. Yikes. My prayers go out to you.

 

[mywifestrigger]

It seems to me that a common thread that individuals with PTSD share, is that it is common for PTSD sufferers to project anger outward. Am I correct in my assumption? Maybe the way my wife copes with her PTSD, is for her to constantly blame me for anything that is not perfect.

Again, what do you think the reason was for your wife to storm out of your home, in the cold, to ask you where your SI Swimsuit issue was? What was the reason for the drama?

What was the reason that my wife absolutely had to go to the hair salon, when my son needed her? Is PTSD selfish, demanding, disrespectful, rude? PTSD definitely is not patient, kind, longsuffering, selfless. PTSD is definitely not unconditionally loving.

 

[mywifestrigger]

This passage is from verses in context from my verse for today. Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.

 

[Never Give Up]

It seems to me that a common thread that individuals with PTSD share, is that it is common for PTSD sufferers to project anger outward.

I would have to agree with you on that. Last night and this morning had been quiet and peaceful in our house. Of course that included the wife sitting in the corner of the house reading with ear buds in her ears, daughter upstairs doing homework and me sitting in the kitchen reading this forum until it was bedtime.

This morning I got a text asking "Am I allowed to look at the magazine on the table?" she was referring to a Victoria's Secret catalog that came in the mail last night. I didn't throw it away since it was in her name. This is a small example of how she will not have a verbal confrontation with me but text something sarcastic just to set my mood swing for the day. I seem to see that she has a certain level of control issues and if I am actually making improvements in my attitude and life, she barges in and sets the tone of life. At this time I will no longer engage in any conversation that will not benefit our marriage and her issues.

Our winter is almost over and we should be above 40 degrees soon...so I think I will start jogging again just to release some of this pent up stress.

 

[mywifestrigger]

There is a lot to going for a walk, a long walk, or jog or run. Walking does relieve stress. Exercise also helps so much. The lyrics of the song by the Eagles "Well, I'm running down the road, Tryin' to loosen my load ..." Do I ever understand these lyrics now! Also, running to get away from things being hurrled through the air by my wife. It is not that she really wanted to break the objects she threw, she just wanted to break me.